Mind games

Funny how changing my ultimate goal to 155 seemed like a good idea when I was in the losing part of my menstrual cycle. I was down to 168. I saw that number a couple of days. The weight was coming off, so sure, why not aim for 155.

Then the dreaded weight gain. I'm now more than 2 pounds up from 168. I am mad at my body for going over my line in the sand (170) two days in a row. I ate clean yesterday, so why is it still up today? Why does it seem like 155 now seems so far away!

And part of it is realizing how little control I have over my body with small details. I can control the downward trend. I can exercise more and eat less, but I can't control the day to day functions of my body. I can't force it to drop water weight any more than I can force it to sleep when it's not tired.

I look at the 155 now and wonder how long will it be before I can get there and stay there? How many more months of this yo-yoing up and down will there be? I just want to be done with creating deficits. I want to be at a point where I can eat a bit more and just maintain, but right now what I see is a eat a tiny bit more and I gain!

I don't know why I'm so frustarted today when I know I'm in the time of the month that I don't see losses, but for some reason this month it is bothering me more. I look at my gizmo which says I should have lost 1.5 pounds these past 7 days and in reality I've gained 2.2 pounds. Let's hope that the gizmo is right and in 2 more weeks I'll see a big drop and maybe get to 165 with the whoosh. Though that is a pipe dream - for sure.

Today I'm debating on whether or not to do a step class or a strength training class or be really crazy and do both. We missed our strength training class on Saturday which is why I did step instead. I really like to get in two sessions of strength a week, but not sure it's realistic this week. But with being mad at the scale, I'm going to try to make it move by making sure I don't miss a beat with exercise this week!

Grrrr!!!!

Stats for 3/25/12:

Highest weight: 275  Now: 170.4