Saturday, September 29, 2012

So, my jeans trying day was yesterday!

I didn't spend a whole day jeans shopping. I hit one store, tried on a couple and that was it. That now makes three days I tried on a few jeans and the conclusion each of the times was the same. The 10s are too big. They don't 'feel' that they are too big, but that is because of the lycra. Now that I've tried on others, I realize that they are.

The size 8 is probably the best size for me at this current second. They go on easily, they feel nice. The size 6 is just a tad snug, not unbearably so and not crazy, horrible muffin top snug, but tighter than I would wear my jeans (though jeans are supposed to be snug when you try them on).

For shits and giggles I did grab a size 4 in the design and cut of the same jeans I ultimately bought just to see how they would fit. This Rock Your Jeans thing is supposed to be a challenge to fit into a smaller jeans. Well, I don't see how it will ever be possible to fit into a 4. I couldn't even get them past my knees (so no, there are no photos of that!). Yes, I've tried on a few extremely large 4s in the past, but those are just jeans/skirts that are clearly way out of line with the mainstream.

So, I think this size 6 will be it! The size to try to skinny into for all my pants. I highly doubt I'll ever wear a 6 in a dress as I have a bigger upper body (large rib cage and boobs) and bigger upper arms, but that's OK! I'm completely satisfied in knowing that I'm wearing (or close to wearing) a size 6 on the bottom. That is a 12/14 from my high school days. Don't believe me? I have a size 16 LLBean skirt from 1995 (the oldest piece of clothing I own) that fits perfectly now... LLBean always tended to run smaller than most stores, so their 16 is more like a 14 elsewhere just like their 10s today fit me more like other store's 8s.

As promised photos. These photos aren't the greatest and they don't show all the jeans I tried on as I didn't have a camera the first day I tried on jeans - the day I discovered I could wear 6-8-10.

So... my current jeans - size 10 DKNY:

 Now when I see them, I see they are a bit baggy. Are they wearable? Of course, but they aren't great.

These here are the jeans I tried on at Ann Taylor two days ago. I took the photos to show the fit, but I didn't like the cut of the jeans - the pockets were too low on the butt and overall, they didn't fit great:

Here is the 8:

 And here is the 6:

I didn't have more time that day, so I went home to try again yesterday. Yesterday I went to Nordstroms. They were having a big sale, so I thought, why not. I can try a lot of different brands there. Well, I only tried Lucky Brand. I went in thinking I would try Calvin Klein, but I didn't like the cut. The sales associate said I should try Lucky Brand. And I liked them.

Here is the 8 in a straight leg:

And here is the 6 in the same designer, but in boot cut:

I simply cannot see the difference in fit between the 8s and 6s. Maybe if I super, duper nitpick I can, but there is 1" size difference between the 6 and the 8 in all the brands I tried. That's not a big difference. They 'say' there is also just 1" difference for the brand I'm trying on between the 4 and 6 too. Um, I don't think so!

So, that was my jeans shopping experience. I got these Sofia Boot Lucky Brand jeans. Did I pay $99? for them. Nope. They were 40% off at Nordstroms and then yesterday they were giving away $20 gift cards if you spent over $40. These jeans, with tax cost $41. Not bad at all!

 I tried on a dress later and I need a large. I'm simply not petite and never will be, but I sure hope I'll be Rocking those jeans with a better fit (less snug) in a few weeks!

Friday, September 28, 2012

Trying on all sorts of jeans today!

I tried on some jeans yesterday at Ann Taylor, but didn't have time for more. Today, I'm taking the day to go shopping for jeans. I'm going to try on all sorts of jeans. Ones that I wouldn't normally even look at. I just want to see what is out there and what looks good.

I will take my camera with me and I will show different sizes and styles. I even wore a form fitting T-shirt today so it doesn't cover up the jeans (and muffin top) too much.

When I was at Ann Taylor yesterday, I tried on their Skinny Modern jeans (didn't have time for others). I fit the 8 and the 6, though a bit snug, wasn't too bad either. I just didn't like the cut of the jeans. The pockets were too low and the leg of the pants were too skinny. I prefer more of a straight cut.

The sales associate, when I returned the garments to the rack said that I was trying the wrong sort of jeans for my body. She started pulling all these boot cut and flared cut jeans. Some with slash pockets in the front. They are just so not me. And how can a 50 plus year old women, with a completely different build from mine (she was tiny), and 3 - 4 inches shorter than me know what looks best on me by seing me standing in front of her with a dress on?  (Here's what I was wearing yesterday):

While I agree the jeans I tried weren't great, I am pretty sure they are better than the boot cut. I told the sales associate that and she said, "that's because you wear the wrong shoe with the boot cut. That's why they look bad." So... you're supposed to wear a different kind of shoe just to make a pair of pants look better? How about I wear good comfortable shoes and buy pants that work with the shoes. It's the SHOES that are important (as I only buy shoes that don't hurt/harm my feet.).

With straight leg pants - I can wear flats, sneakers, boots or even a shoe with a bit of a heel. Ugh... Anyway, I left un-impressed. I hate sales associates bugging me. I know it's all about a commission, but for some people, it's best to leave them alone. If they aren't looking around for help or giving signals for help, they probably don't want help.

Anyway... I'm off! Busy day today! I'll post a ton of photos tomorrow - and not just flattering ones - but real and true!

Thursday, September 27, 2012

I'm in for it now - working with a personal trainer

I did an interview today with one of the people in charge of the personal trainers with the organization I work for and for where I go to the gyms. I had no idea there was so much you get when you hire a personal trainer.

So, I learned a lot about what I'll be getting very soon with the Rock Your Jeans Challenge. For the Rock Your Jeans challenge, I'll be meeting with a personal trainer once a week for 8 weeks. In the first meeting, they spend an hour doing all sorts of tests - and I mean a lot of tests. Then, in the next week, they go over everything and use that information as a baseline as well as information on things that need work (along with your wishes) to come up with a program.

I just had absolutely no idea that they took measurements, used a fancy scale (no idea how accurate it is), did a stress test, a flexibility test, a physical fitness test (to exhaustion test) as well as a test on body alignment, and more. I'm sure I'm going to find out all sorts of things I had no idea about. I hope some of it is good news and not all bad!

When you are finished, they will retest many things to see your progress. This is, of course, what makes it worth it. Even if you don't see a loss on the scale, you should see gains everywhere else - flexibility, strength, agility, well, ok, losses of inches on the measuring tape!

I'm sure for most everyone this is super embarrassing, but hey... I can't see how I got better if I don't go through it.

And, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to do this until recently, which is a shame really as I think it would have been really useful to have this service - helping me along the way so that I had more support with my weight loss journey and my fitness improvement.

I had a few people tell me it would be useful, but there were several reasons for not doing it. 1. and mostly, was that I was embarrassed with my weight and my lack of fitness. Who did that hurt? No one but me, of course.

2. Money. with me not working, it was too difficult of me to ask my husband if it was OK to spend the money on a personal trainer. Don't get me wrong, he probably would have agreed to it if I felt it would have been useful, but I would have felt guilty about it. I would have wondered, always, if I was wasting money or not during a time we were pinching pennies more than now- like "Maybe I could have done just as well on my own without spending all this money."

And I guess 3. is Fear of disappointing someone else. I didn't know what I was capable of. I was afraid of failure. And, since I am a people pleaser, I was afraid of letting down a trainer. I want to be able to live up to what they expect of me. I didn't want to find it was too hard and that I gave up. Maybe not on all of it, but it would be hard for me to go to a gym later if I felt I didn't give my all to PT sessions. My problem, yes, but that's the way I am.

Now, with some time at this and some more personal growth. (Yes... even at 42 you can still grow! ) I'm ready for it. I'm ready for getting somewhere it would be difficult for me to do on my own and I know now that I'm really only disappointing myself and hurting myself if I give up or don't give my all. Personal trainers will care (if they are good), but they also won't be dissappointed in me either if I can't do one more push-up.

Will I decide I want to do more after these 8 weeks (besides continuing with working on my fitness)? Who knows. The gym will have a Biggest Winner contest in January and then following that The Next Great Eight (for the next 8 weeks following the Biggest Winner event). That would give me 24 weeks of personal training at a discount, working with others with similar goals to my own. Might even help me meet some new people too. (I still have a pathetically horrible social circle!)

All I know is that I'm looking forward to working with a personal training and working hard for this last bit of the year and I'm glad I'm overcoming a lot of my hangups.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Trying to figure out what size jeans to buy - not easy

So, I am joining the Rock Your Jeans event my gyms are hosting. I was going to do it, then my partner backed out, so I thought, "maybe this is a sign and I shouldn't do it" and then someone I work with asked me if I was going to do it and if I wanted to partner up, so I said OK. As an added bonus, since I work for the organization, I get a significant discount (woohoo!) I'm also going to use this opportunity to write for work about various classes - trying out new ones, etc.

Anyway... here's the description of the program:

In this program, you are supposed to buy a pair of jeans 2 sizes smaller than you currently wear and see how you progress in 8 weeks. Or, bring in a pair that are too small now that you wish to fit into soon. I don't have the latter, so I need to buy jeans in a size (or two) smaller.

I currently wear, quite comfortably, a size 10 in several brands - Calvin Klein, DKNY, Eddie Bauer, Anne Tayler, Anne Klein. I have a size 8 in Ralph Lauren that fit fine. When I was getting down to 165 with working out in weights and cardio, I was in between an 8 and a 10, but... what I was finding was that my hip bones were what was keeping me from going from a 10 to an 8 where all along the rest of the journey, it was the waist line.

I know I'll be doing more heavy lifting (reading and gearing up for NRFL program) and I will be building more muscle, so getting smaller, but I'm wondering if two sizes for me is unrealistic?

If I get another pair of pants, it should be of the same brand and style to be like for like. Right now I can wear 8-12 depending on the designer and cut. However, I just cannot see myself wearing a size 6 (or so I thought - more on this in a moment) Yet, I'm probably not that far now from being able to wear 8s.

Deciding what size to buy is difficult. It will be more than 2 months from purchasing said pants, so returning them won't be possible in most stores even with tags still attached. I have to decide if  I should go with a 6? or an 8?

My height 5'6.5", 173 pounds and my current measurements are 40.5-32-41.5. When I was at 165 I was 40-31-41. I would love, love, love, love, love (add a few more loves to that) to get maybe my bust and hopefully my hip measurements out of the 40s. If I can do that, I will not feel like such a freaking tank!

My shape - according to calculators, I'm straight shaped as the different between waist and hip isn't great, but I do not look good in low rise pants. There's nothing to hold them up. I need midrise for the best fit and either straight leg or skinny leg, not boot leg - believe me.

Anyway, I just went to TJMaxx and tried on these jeans. I had forgotten my camera at home. I wish I hadn't as I would have liked to show you all the fit of these jeans! I am in utter SHOCK.

So... I was wearing a pair of DKNY size 10 that were a comfortable fit. I think they fit perfectly. Well... found out something interesting.

 I took back to the dressing room these brands and sizes - why these? because these were the brands and cuts they had in all three sizes.

Size 10: wearing a DKNY midrise straight leg, Not Your Daughter's Jeans (NYDJ) boot leg, Levis Bold Curve Straight Leg

Size 8: DKNY midrise straight leg, NYDJ boot leg, Levis Bold Curve Straight Leg, Ralph Lauren Boot Cut

Size 6: DKNY midrise straight leg, NYDJ boot leg, Levis Bold Curve Straight Leg, Ralph Lauren Boot Cut

Size 4: Michael Kors Boot Cut

Now, as I said, I do not look good in boot cut, but I was wanting to check fit of the pant in the waist and hip. I would worry about finding the right cut of the leg only when I'm ready to buy.

What I found: 

Size 10: wearing a DKNY midrise straight leg - fit fine, NYDJ boot leg - too big in hips, Levis Bold Curve Straight Leg- can't get them over my hips easily

Size 8: DKNY midrise straight leg - fit perfectly, NYDJ boot leg - fit perfect, but I hate the style, Levis Bold Curve Straight Leg- couldn't get it over my hips, Ralph Lauren Boot Cut - fit slightly snug in the thighs

Size 6: DKNY midrise straight leg - fit slightly snug, but not a serious muffin top, NYDJ boot leg - fit slightly snug, again, not a serious muffin top, but I still hate the style, Levis Bold Curve Straight Leg didn't even try it, Ralph Lauren Boot Cut - couldn't get it over my hips easily and too tight in the leg

Size 4: Michael Kors Boot Cut - fit slightly snug.

Why did I even have the size 4? it was the last size 4 in the line next to the 6s and it looked big. I decided to try it, just to see.

Now, what in the heck do I do???? In the brands that fit me now, I can fit (without cutting myself in half) into a size 6. How can the same cut of pant fit me in 10, 8 and 6?

Truly, what is the size difference between a 6-8-10. It must be incredibly little. yet in levis- I couldn't even begin to put those on in a size 10!

Basically, I have no idea what size I wear and what size should be my goal size and forget knowing what size to buy for this getting fit event. Good grief!

When I was a 20, it took 20-25 pounds to drop one size. Same on down to 14. Then from 14 to 12 to 10 it's been about 10 pounds per size, but now??? Is it like 5 pounds? What?

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

If money weren't an issue, would I get surgery?

I was just asking myself this question after reading another thread. I know I will never have skin removal surgery because it's a moot point. It's not covered by health insurance for most people and I'm sure I would never be able to convince a doctor of it's necessity either as it doesn't hinder me or cause me problems in any way.

But I never asked myself, "well, what if money wasn't an issue?" Would I get the surgery?" And you know... I don't know. I have loose skin on my abdomen that could be taken care of by surgery and I have terrible bat wings. My inner thighs are wiggly too - not sure anything can be done about that one.

I ask myself, "Would I be willing to put up with the pain and healing for vanity?" As, for me, it would be about vanity. And, could I risk serious health side effects and even death for vanity? Again, I don't know... I'm thinking that even if everything was covered by insurance and that I didn't even have to pay a copay or deductible, I wouldn't do it.

And I think that's because I'm 42. I would probably feel differently if I were 25 or something. I'm married, plan to stay married. I'm scarred by pregnancies and my husband loves me and is happy with my body now. So... why would I risk so much? I might be willing to risk more if I had more years of feeling young and beautiful ahead of me.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think you need to roll over and die when you hit 50. I want to be a rocking 50! 60! and on up. I want people to say, "look at that grandma go!" But I guess I can forgive my body for having more imperfections at this age than I would have been able to do when I was much younger.

On the other hand... once in awhile I get a tickle in my brain about, "Wouldn't it be great to rock my clothes without loose skin? Wouldn't it be great to erase (or mostly erase) from my body the evidence of my fat past? But then... why did I let myself get fat in the first place? I wish I could figure that one out the most!

Monday, September 24, 2012

I am feeling so great!

Nothing like an agreeable scale to make you feel good, huh? That and the weather. I simply love, love, love fall. Only thing I don't like about it is the shortening days as there's not enough time in the day to enjoy it!

Yesterday, my husband and I took a bike ride together. We wanted to see how strenuous a ride it was up to a local park fairly close to us. I wanted to try it on my single bike first before taking the tandem with my son. That thing is a beast and without a lot of help from the 7 year old pedaler, I have to be able to do it myself.

Well, I think we'll be able to manage it, but I'm not sure. My almost new bike (it is 18 months old, but I haven't ridden it much as I ride the tandem one much more often as I usually have the younger guy with me), isn't working properly. The internal shifters, supposedly low maintenance, are messed up.

The bike has a minimal of 7 gears. It's the same as I have on the tandem - which is also internal gears and works fine despite being a much older bike with more use. Anyway... What works: 2-4-5-6. I'm not even sure if they are those gears. It 'tries' to go into 1st gear, but can't. I can't even get the shifter to get to 7th and the 3rd and 4th gears are the same. It could be that I have gears 1-2-3-5, or worse  3-5-6-7. I need those lower gears for the hills! So, I will have to take the bike in. I'm not happy about it as it was not a cheap bicycle! Grrrr...

My clothes are all fitting better and I just took some measurements yesterday morning and they are back to where they were before I went on vacation, but... they are still an inch higher than when I weighed this same weight on March 1st! UGH. Muscle is smaller than fat. Must mean I have more fat than I did in March. Darn it!  Well, only thing to do is to keep working on it as I am. It too shall follow! But I am making progress!

Stats for 9/24/12:

Highest Weight: 275  Now: 172.6

Saturday, September 22, 2012

I really needed this Whoosh!

My body has been so discombobulated these past few months that I haven't seen losses, real losses for a long time. I got waylaid by an injury, switched up my activity, started a new job, changed my thyroid meds, went on a long vacation, started my son with more speech therapy (takes up 8 hours a week) and  well, that's a lot.  My cycles got messed up and I couldn't even count on my typical monthly pattern of stall out for 2.5 weeks and whoosh for 8-10 days.

Even now, I have no idea if I ovulated, but my body is behaving as if it did as I'm dropping weight nearly every day this week after holding steady for over two weeks, despite working out and eating right. I was hoping that I would see a whoosh, but I hoped that last month too and didn't get it.

This cycle, so far, I'm down 8 pounds. I don't think it's all fat (and muscle), but stubborn water weight too as I was re-adjusting to everything. I could tell that I looked smaller in the mirror recently (measurements go down typically before the scale goes down), so I'm not too surprised that the scale followed suit. I'm just a bit surprised at the amount of weight that is coming off - but pleasantly surprised.

I'm holding onto this feeling too as who knows when I'll see a drop on the scale again. Big losses like this don't happen as often at this stage  of weight loss any more.

In other news, my friend and I have decided for sure to join the Rock Your Jeans event. So happy I found someone to do it with me! Yay! I'm hoping that intense workout (and paying for that) will be what I need to push me to the end. I am now very, very fixated on the 160 by the end of the year. That would be so freaking awesome!

With that, I'm going to resist all temptation of cake batter and frosting that I'm about to go make for Sunday school tomorrow - nothing like a drop in the scale to motivate me to be good to KEEP that drop on the scale!  Better do it before I get too tired as tiredness makes me make worse decisions, always.

Oh, and happy autumn everyone! My favorite season!

Stats for 9/23/12:

Highest weight: 275 Now: 172.8

Friday, September 21, 2012

Funny how my mind works - that darn goal number

As you all can tell, I've been struggling around the same weight for quite awhile. I do well for awhile, get waylaid and then I have a gain, have to lose the weight again and then repeat.

My end goal has been a few times, to get to 155. Why 155? Well, that would take me to the OK BMI healthy range. While I totally don't think I'll be any less healthy at 160 than 155, there is that mental line - I had crossed into even societal, medical practice, insurance norms. Even if it's a ridiculous thing to think about it, it's there in my head.

Then there is the fact that 155.6 is exactly 100 pounds from when I started this current journey in January 2011.  There's something magical about that whole, round, big number. Saying 95 pounds sounds impressive, but also like, "oh so close to 100 pounds. Can't I make it an even 100?"

So... even now, I go back and forth with the end goal weight. My husband thinks 155 is possible, but not necessary. 160 is fair, good, and probably even gets me to the body fat percentage I want. And, he's right.

When I'm struggling with gains, or stall outs or feel unmotivated, I really struggle with the 155. It seems so elusive - so far away. Then I have a good streak, and the scale cooperates and then I get this idea in my head again of, "Well, why not? Why can't I make 155 if I lost 5 pounds this month?"

But of course, one month, one whoosh might not be followed for another whoosh for several weeks, or even a couple months. Those last few pounds are hard fought for. I can't really drop my calories any more without feeling terribly hungry. I can up my exercise, but that's hard to maintain especially with jobs and kids, etc.

Though right now, while the scale is dropping and I'm feeling strong, I'm thinking about it. 155 is only 19 pounds away. That doesn't feel so huge! Of course, 160 is closer and feels even more attainable. That's only 14 pounds away! Since I got down to 165 for a microsecond, I now know 160 is attainable. So, I'm going to ignore my desire to drop my ultimate goal of 155 (for now). I'm zeroing in on that 160 number. If I can to 165 by the end of the year, I will be so happy, and if I get to 160? I will do cartwheels. Hmmm... I haven't done cartwheels since I was in middle school. Think I would hurt myself?

In other news, I made an appointment with a phsical therapist about my shoulder. It's bugging me again. Before I start heavy lifting, I need to see if I have an injury I need to address.

And by this post, can you tell that the scale did another big drop?

Stats for 9/21/12:

Highest weight: 275  Now: 174.4

P.S. I now FINALLY match the weight in the top most picture on the right (again). Woohoo!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Inspired someone and they gave me a feel good too

Today when I was walking back from dropping my son off from school, I passed by a couple of walkers as I walk fast naturally now. I lived in a planned community that has a lot of pathways for walking and we live just off of one of the 3 lakes for the city, so there are always a lot of walkers. 

One of the people I passed by was an Indian woman, about 50 years old or so. While I was passing her, she asked me a question.  She asked, "Excuse me, can you tell me (something). I can tell you are a fast walker. Can you lose weight walking?" 

I stop and I tell her that I've lost about 100 pounds and most of it was done by walking. She looked so shocked she said, "Really? Oh my God. You look so thin. I cannot believe you used to be so fat. I'm sorry I don't mean to sound rude, but I am fat, but you look so thin!" I laughed and said thanks, and told her that yes, I used to weigh 275 pounds. 

She looked shocked again. And said, "You did it all by walking?" I told that much of it was walking, but that I also go to the gym for classes and lift weights. I told her that walking is great exercise even for me now. I just walk faster, but yes walking was a big part of the losing weight.

Then she looked puzzled and asked, " Excuse me for being so rude, but you weigh 175 pounds?" I replied that yes, I do (only fudging by a pound). She then said, "I weigh 170 pounds and I look fat and you look so good and thin." 

And now I was shocked, I hope I didn't show it, because I would have guessed she weighed 190 or so because she was quite heavy. Not morbidly so, but she was overweight and I would never guess in a million years that she weighs less than me because I can only know how much I weighed when I looked that way. It would have been over 200 pounds with my height compared to hers.

She was about 5'3" so 170 will look different on her than on me, but she probably has a small frame and has little muscle mass. I have a big frame and probably significant muscle mass. I'm still 16 pounds from where I want to be, but it made me feel good. I get it frequently, "You look thin." I am not thin.. it's that I have muscle and fitness. People confuse thinness with looking fit.

The woman then said, "Thank you so much for talking with me. I'm just starting with walking, but you have inspired me. You look so great and it helps me be more motivated to keep walking."

And it motivate me too. People see my results and it makes me feel good. Now I want to do even more strength training. I can see the results from just the month of work I've been doing at the gym after taking some time away from strength training.

But this does go to show that people just can't get past the numbers on the scale. If people were to really look, they could  probably see I need to lose a little (by today's middle age standards). I know I need to lose weight and build muscle, but when I hear things like what this woman says (and someone at school said the other day too), it validates, a bit, that yes...the scale doesn't tell the whole story.

Stats for 9/20/12:

Highest weight: 275  Now: 176.2

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Gearing up for the change at the gym

I've come to the conclusion that the thing I need to do to get the rest of this weight off and to up my metabolism is to increase strength training. This goes along with the joining the Rock Your Jeans event too. I just need to up what I do for exercise in the weight room and rely less on classes.

I'm not done with the books I want to read to educate myself, but I'm about halfway through the New Rules of Lifting for Women. I just finished the nutrition part.

I was happy to see that they don't condemn diet soda and caffeine - I have these things in moderation, but I do enjoy them. They also agree that alcohol is a waste of calories and hinder weight loss - already drew that conclusion too. The emphasize eating nuts and the fats that I already eat - check, and they recommend even the balance of food I eat - 40-30-30 - approximately.  I was tickled to even see that they recommend the protein bars (Atkins Advantage- why? They are high protein and low carbs/sugar) I use and the whey powder I use. Yay!  So, food-wise I'm right on track with recommended eating even with their nutritionist. But... I eat less calories than the recommend.

This is where it gets hard to trust the experts. According to their calculations, on non-workout days I should eat 1639 calories for weight maintenance. This, actually, seems pretty accurate for my age, weight, activity level. For work-out days, they recommend eating 1913 calories for weight maintenance.

For the beginning, they want everyone to eat at the weight maintenance range - one month. After that one month assess. Are the pants getting looser? Tighter? Scale going up? Down? if things are going in the wrong direction, then it's recommended to lower calories, but otherwise stay the same.

What I've been doing is eating at or around 1550 calories everyday (there is always a 100-150 range) even on workout days. I don't give my body a protein shake after working out - which is where they want you to get the extra calories on workout days.

I'm nervous about changing what I'm doing, but I also understand you need to feed your body to gain muscle and that's what I want -to gain more muscle to boost my metabolism.

I'll keep reading and see more about the program, but I'm getting kind of excited about changing things up!

Oh, and the scale is my friend today - down two pounds from yesterday!

Highest weight: 275  Now: 176.4

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

So proud of myself - I resisted (mostly) cookie dough!

Saturday night my younger son and I made cookies for Sunday school the next day. I finally got a chance to use my new Sesame Street cookie cutters I got from Williams Sonoma. Watch the video on cute ways to use these cutters. So versatile. We decided to make sandwich cookies - sugar cookies sandwiched with Ganache. I also did a review for the product, so you can see some of the finished cookies in the review.

Anyway, you know my track record with cookies, right? Well, we made 130 cookies (makes 65 sandwich cookies). I ate an equivalent of one sugar cookie. That's it. And I made room in my daily calories for that one cookie too. I was so proud of myself!

Next day I had one small cookie and also counted that in my calorie allotment and didn't go over. I have to try the finished product, right? And since then I haven't touched them. There's two left as of this morning (all but twelve were eaten at platform).

And, my efforts are beginning to pay off. My size 10 shorts which were feeling tight are feeling less snug. Still not nearly as loose as they were, as I was heading into size 8, but they are no longer tight. And this morning the scale finally moved downwards a bit. Finally! I have a feeling it will slide down a bit more this week - first size, then scale is typical for me.

I've started to read some weight lifting books. I'm thinking of transitioning out of the weight lifting class and doing it on my own. Well, not really on my own, with my husband, but out of the class setting. I need to find times that work better with my schedule. It's really tight now with the two jobs, 3 different sessions of speech therapy my younger son has and other school and meetings, etc.  Plus, at some point, the class won't be enough and I'll need to do more.

It was a good weekend for me. It was a three day weekend here as the kids had the Jewish holiday off. My younger son and I went to the Natural History Museum in DC. My older son slept until 4 pm!

Stats for 9/18/12:

Highest weight: 275  Now: 178.4

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Got my strength back!

Today at BodyPump, I decided that I was going to push myself really hard and see where it would take me. Not that I haven't been pushing myself, as I have been - hard, every time, but I had extra motivation this time. I would be able to get to the weights I had on the bar as I did when I stopped in April due to an injury AND for some body parts, I would be even higher.

BodyPump isn't exactly heavy lifting or light lifting. It's kind of in between. I know now the research is all on lifting heavy, but for now, at least, I know I wouldn't lift weights if it weren't in a class, so that's what I do - I do the class. Maybe, after I read these books "New Rules for Lifting" I will switch it up and start doing it differently, but I hope my husband and I will keep doing it together as it's something that helps both of us. What I do know - lifting what I do now is still better than not lifting at all.

Anyway, back in April this is where I was with weights for each track/body part:

Warm-up: 3.5 kg on each end of the bar.
Squats: 10 kg on each end of the bar.
Chest: 5 kg on each end of the bar.
Back: 7.5 kg on each end of the bar.
Triceps: 2.5 kg for kickbacks, almost all the triceps dips, half the triceps push-ups, 5 kg for overhead
Lunges: 3.5 kg on each end of the bar.
Biceps: 3.5 kg on each end of the bar.
Shoulders: 1kg on each end of the bar, 4 lbs for rotator presses,  2 push-ups on the toes, rest on knees
Abs: all crunches, all planks and side planks.

This is more than most people have in the class for most things. I had the heaviest for women for squats, back and average for chest, lunges, biceps, shoulders and abs, weaker for triceps.

When I went back on August 15th or so, I had to drop some things way back and, I was way, way sore after that for days.  This is where I started back up a month ago:

Warm-up: 2.5 kg on each end of the bar.
Squats: 5 kg on each end of the bar.
Chest: 2.5 kg on each end of the bar.
Back: 5 kg on each end of the bar.
Triceps:  4 lbs for kickbacks, almost all the triceps dips, half the triceps push-ups, 5 kg for overhead
Lunges: 2.5 kg on each end of the bar.
Biceps: 2.5 kg on each end of the bar.
Shoulders: 1kg on each end of the bar, 3 lbs for rotator presses, all push-ups on knees
Abs: all crunches, half the planks on the knees.

Today, one month into getting back into doing BodyPump twice a week, with pushing myself hard each and every time. I'm now here:

Warm-up: 3.5 kg on each end of the bar.
Squats: 10 kg on each end of the bar.
Chest: 5 kg on each end of the bar.
Back: 8.5 kg on each end of the bar.
Triceps: 2.5 kg for kickbacks, all the triceps dips, all the triceps push-ups, 5 kg for overhead
Lunges: 4.5 kg on each end of the bar.
Biceps: 4 kg on each end of the bar.
Shoulders: 2.5 kg on each end of the bar, 4 lbs for rotator presses, 4 push-ups on the toes, rest on knees
Abs: all crunches, all planks on toes and half the side planks.

The ONLY thing I'm not back to where I was are the abs and I think I wasn't able to do it today as I was full out of steam because I upped my weights on: squats, chest, triceps, lunges, biceps and shoulders today. Of course, all of that needs core stability, so my abs were just DONE by the end.

For most things, I only went up half a kilogram per side from last time. I wasn't sore after last week, so,I decided to see if I could do a bit more and I could - without missing any reps either. I was grunting pretty loud at the end, especially on the shoulder track, but I finished it!!!

My guess is that I was able to do such a rapid increase because I didn't really lose the strength over the 4 months I wasn't doing bodypump. I wasn't inactive for those 4 months. I was doing landscaping at home! I manually ripped up sod, dug up/turned over all the dirt for a 200 square foot garden, laid a stone pathway, applied 12 cubic yards of mulch all over the yard, planted a bazillion perennials and annuals, removed a half ton of sand off the driveway and hauled ceramic pots all over the yard. My upper body actually, got stronger, especially my triceps, for some reason.

It just felt great to day - after feeling soooooo bad when we started back up, I was like, "really, I lost so much?" I guess not. Muscle memory? or what? I don't know, but I'm feeling stronger!

Friday, September 14, 2012

Going to the dentist today

And I'm a bit nervous. I was blessed with naturally straight teeth, but not the strongest teeth in the world. Add to that I don't feel dental pain until it's root canal time.

I've had some pretty horrendous trips to the dentist which led to an almost phobia. The last couple trips have been better, but I still wait until the last minute and have to listen to lots of harping from my husband before I get in to see the dentist. Which, is stupid as it just makes whatever problem I have worse.

And I know I have teeth issues. I have a tooth that is broken - in the back and there is no tooth above it, so that will probably have to be pulled. Then, one of the teeth I have had a root canal and a crown, I think, isn't in very good condition any more and he might want to start talking to me about getting an implant. Egad... that's just giving me the heebie jeebies. And, two more teeth it's difficult to floss between, which probably means decay between the teeth, so at the least, fillings and hopefully not more.

Sounds like fun, huh? My teen has to go too. He's had better luck with the dentist. Let's see if it still holds true as he doesn't have the best brushing habits.

I'm sure today will just be x-rays and getting a plan, but the discovery will not be fun especially when I know there's stuff going on in my mouth. Argh!

As I've said to my husband about my teeth before, "I'm too smart to be so stupid about going to the dentist", but having a phobia is not rational. Having several treatments where the numbing didn't work will do that to you.

I would say wish me luck, but I guess the best I can hope for is wish me as little treatment as possible - like maybe it's just 4 teeth versus 8!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Is it possible to already be feeling the lack of sun?

The last few days I've really felt myself dragging. I've been going to sleep and sleeping well and going to bed earlier, but it's like there's a fog of sleepiness all around me. How is it possible? Or is it already the seasonal affect disorder stuff kicking in. It's only mid September!

I even spent several hours outside today. While I was outside walking around, I felt great. As soon as I came in, the funk came back. Huh? I don't get it.

I'm trying to make myself GO, but I am having serious energy issues. I know it can't be my thyroid being low as it was just checked and it's perfect. Well, I feel about as sluggish as I did when my thyroid was bad. Well, not quite true... back then I needed a nap nearly daily and I didn't sleep well at night. Now I never take naps and most nights I sleep great. Not sure what to think about all that.

Other than that, I got from the library some books on weight lifting. I started reading them last night. Good stuff! For now for weight lifting I've been doing a class, but if I do this 8 weeks challenge at the gym, I'll probably be doing some weight work outside of classes and I want to be sure I'm doing things correctly and not outdated stuff. Even in the years that the first of these books were published (2003), things have changed and the new book has updates. These books are: The New Rules for Lifting Weights. (the 2003 version) and there's several more. The most recent book is The New Rules for Life and I guess they have another one coming out in December. This was my night time reading last night! One night it's cookbooks, the next night it's weightlifting. Makes sense, right?

But... I'm struggling with energy. My eating is OK, but boy is my energy LOW. Hope I'm not getting sick! That didn't even enter my mind as I'm so rarely sick, but perhaps?

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Was led to a cool nerd fitness site

As the premiere of the new Hobbit movie is fast approaching (I cannot wait to go see it!), interest in all things Tolkien I'm sure will start to pick up (again). I love, love, love the books and I love, even more, the movies. Is that a terrible thing to say? No... I'm a visual person, so I like seeing things and Peter Jackson's vision of the world of Hobbits is much like I imagined them myself, even better.

I got my first introduction to the Hobbit as a kid when there was the  animated movie. I think I saw it (and the follow up movie) a few times after that. One of my favorite songs and one I used to sing a lot to myself was this one: Where there's a whip, there's a way! (Rankin/Bass were awesome!) 

When I was a teen when we had to read the book in 7th grade. I had just moved to Cedar Falls from Waterloo, Iowa and the English class was in the middle of reading Tolkien's, The Hobbit. It was not difficult to catch up! At the end of the reading of this book, we watched the movie and I had a new appreciation for the movie because of the book. Sure, it skips a lot, but I knew more and watching the movie helped me relive the book as it came to life.

I tried reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy several times, but I never could get into it. For one reason or another, I would get interrupted for a week or so and when I would try to jump back into the first book of the trilogy, The Fellowship of the Ring, I would find myself lost. There were so many characters and names and places that I couldn't keep them straight in my head. So, I would have to start the book again, and again. I finally read all three books shortly before the Jackson movie trilogy was released. 

The books are very visual. The story is rich. I mean, really, Tolkien created a whole world, the Middle Earth with complete languages! I wanted to go there. I wanted to live in the Shire! Seeing the movies made the books come alive. And the Shire, the simple beauty of nature... aw... I was in heaven and then then magic of Rivendell, and then the ugliness of Mordor, where you could feel the oppression  Then there was all the amazing, breathtaking stops in between. Jackson did a brilliant job with the cinemotography for these movies and the images are in my head forever.

So, this piqued my interest as a Middle Earth fan and as a walker - walking your way through the books! How cool is that! This was linked in a weigh loss forum, but it's for anyone. You can walk and then when you come back in and log your miles you can see where you have walked to. Check it out at: Eowyn challenge walk. Look around the site. You can just read where you have been, visual where you have been, what's happening in the books during the time you would have walked there if you were with Frodo (or with Bilbo if you follow the Hobbit book path). It's a lot of walking. It would take most of us well over a year to complete it. But what fun! 

There's a forum, challenges, places to journal your walks, etc. I'm psyched! It's just another tool to make this fitness thing more fun and exercise should be fun!


Monday, September 10, 2012

Lots of little things

First, I had a blood draw this morning. I was actually not even that nervous about it. I was a little because who likes getting a needle jammed into the crook of their arm? But, with several easy blood draws lately at the vampire's, I was feeling hopeful.  And, it was good! He found the vein immediately and no digging for it either. Hallelujah! I will say it again - just that is enough to keep me from regaining the weight and with keeping my fitness level up!

Second little thing is that I decided I would start doing weight training three times a week. I want to really push towards the end of the year. I want to really give it my all so that I can see how much progress I can make by the end of the year.

I have also decided that I am going to start taking different measurements than I have been. (Not that I have been since April or May), but I read on a fitness forum about taking chest-waist sucked in-waist relaxed-hip measurements. As well as upper arm and upper thigh measurements. That waist measurement is deceiving as everyone sucks it in, don't they? So, I want to compare the two and see how they change.

Last, I just, like just a few minutes ago, joined a challenge for the end of the year. Another gal on the forum I participate in has about the same weight as me and our birthdays are one day apart and we have a similar goal, so... a bit of rivalry (friendly rivalry) maybe will push me a bit harder? She motivating me and perhaps me motivating her?

I really have no idea if 160 is possible for the end of this year, but why not shoot for it, right? What can I lose? It's not like I'll just cave in and give up if I can't get to that weight. It just means I'll have to work a bit harder for a bit.

I had been toying with joining a fitness club/class at the fitness facilities I belong too, but I'm still undecided on that one - $299 for all that - but, it includes some personal training and you work in partners. Do I have it in me???? To really, really push hard just as my energy dwindles?

Which reminds me, I need to make an appointment with my internist to talk about Seasonal Affect Disorder. I'm tired of muddling through winter like a slug.

Eek!!! I think I can do it. Where did that motivation go that was on fire a couple weeks ago? I'm still following a plan and working out and eating less, but I'm just not psyched. Guess what... I'm a bit sleep deprived too. I am going to bed as SOON as I'm done here and done cooking the lunches for tomorrow (a Croatian cheese pie called burek). They are in the oven now and will need to cool a bit and then to bed I go! I promise! So that I can jump into this plan with more steam!

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Bigger breakfast - I'm less hungry later

Interestingly, this didn't used to be this way. When I used to eat a big breakfast, I was still hungry at my regular times, but it seems something has changed.

The last three mornings, I ate my usual protein bar, but also a part of a peanut butter sandwich (leftovers from my son as the bread I made last was HUGE). Don't believe me, take a look:

That is some seriously TALLLLLL bread. I tend to make whole wheat breads the most and they don't rise as nicely, so I think my technique of mixing dough has gotten too good as now my white breads are enormous!

Anyway, I ate a bit of his PBJ and the result was that I was less hungry. Like a lot less hungry. I ate about 150 calories extra in the morning and that saved me from eating about 300-400 calories  before lunch. So, both yesterday and today, I was finally able to eat a bit under 1500 calories for the day and it wasn't a struggle.

That was Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Let's see how it goes with the week. Tomorrow will be easier as I have a blood draw and since the form didn't say if I should fast or not, I'll fast just to be sure. I won't be able to eat anything until about 10 am (or so).

And you know I'm looking forward to a blood draw, right?

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Newish strategy for battling baking

My kids eat a lot - like a lot. Yes, we always have veggies and hummus and fruit and such at home - always, but they also like quick to grab cookies or muffins or pies. Problem is that with cookies (and cake or cupcakes) that I cannot stay out of the batter/dough. It's like a magnet to my mouth.

I've mentioned this before, but it's a real problem for me! I can resist the baked good - just not the dough! Ugh! So, I decided one way to approach this (besides never making cookies or cake again) was to make a HUGE batch and freeze a bunch of them. That way, my exposure to the batter/dough is limited.

So, that's what I did last night. I made monster cookies - 165 of them - a quadruple recipe. It was sooooo much dough that I had to add the M&Ms and chocolate chips in my biggest pot as my 8 quart mixing bowl wasn't big enough! I resisted temptation as much as I could, but in the end, I nibbled between 2-3 cookies worth of batter - bits that fell on the (clean) counter, scrapings of the bowl, the last wee bit that wouldn't fit on the tray, etc.  The damage isn't that horribly great, but if I had 2-3 extra cookies every week or so, that adds up!

This way I won't have to be tempted by the batter again for another month or so. I'll still need to make stuff, but raw pie dough is yucky, bread dough is yucky and so is most muffin batters.

And, I think I'm mostly out of my funk as the hormones stabilize. But I think doing bodypump this morning helped with that too.

Friday, September 7, 2012

I didn't miss this funk!

Some women may get PMS, but I get MS - not to be confuse with the disease MS. I have to tell you. I did not miss the hormonal upheaval the last 7 weeks - at all.  I guess some women get hormonal with menopause, but so far... knock on wood, not me. Hot flashes for a bit there, yes, but no hormonal craziness.

So yesterday and today when I had no reason to be a grouchy, weepy woman, I was. I hate that!' And I hate knowing why I feel the way I do, but not being able to change how I feel even with knowing it's hormones and not 'real'.

In a way, it kind of reminds me of the movie The Matrix (which we just saw last week for the first time). I don't know how exactly, but these people are living lives they think are real, but aren't. So, these are feelings that feel real, but they are not - it's hormones making me wacky!

I should be back to normal tomorrow - I hope! Please! And because of it. I don't even want to write in my blog. I just feel like "Whatever".

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Lots of costume ideas for upcoming years!

Since I have every plan on being at my goal weight by next year (hopefully by this winter yet), I have been having fun thinking of ideas for costumes for future.

I love the idea of a fairy costume. Something like a woodland fairy costume, or a medieval or renaissance costume, or a ball gown. Something that I would look and feel good in and could wear to a Ren-fest or other type thing and just have fun! I don't want to get something like that (or make something like that) until I feel good about my body and where I've taken it. Huh... maybe that will be my treat to myself when I get to goal - a totally frivulous costume! Maybe silly and maybe something I'll never do, but who knows! It's fun to think about!

I did get the costume for this year though. I found a prom/formal gown at a consignment shop. It's hem is a bit stained and it's not something I would wear for real, but it will make a cute base for a costume for many things - a fairy, a princess, an ice queen, a frou-frou dress.  Of all the years of growing up, I don't think I've ever been a fairy or a princess - well, I think when I was 4 I had a princess costume - I think, but I was just always 'something else' - some very politically incorrect 'back in the day'.

The dress I found is kind of like this, kind of. It's a lighter blue with a bit more crystal beading (but simple and not much) with a thin sash around the waist: organza dress. Here's another one it's similar too - just no gathering and no flower and a few beads - same color and style of the bottom half of the dress though: ice blue dress. I will get some things for my hair, some fairy wings and be a fairy princess or something like that. I thought about making it Glinda the Good Witch, but that dress is pink. I will add something to it to make a sleeve so it's not a strapless too. I'm not into strapless! It will be something I could reuse in years to come too as it's a pretty simple formal gown and I got it for less than fabric to make it (a lot less).

OK, off to do some work. Enough day dreaming!

Stats for 9/6/12:
Highest weight: 275  Now: 179.6

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Today was full of surprises

First surprise was that I dipped under 180 (again). That was nice! I was beginning to wonder - HOW was it possible to gain 6-7 pounds in as many days? I mean, I know I ate a "bit" more than I should, but not thousands of calories a day more than I should. What is going on with my body?

Second surprise was that my period started - after NOTHING for over 2 months. No warning either... and with a drop on the scale the day it started? That's unusual too! I have no idea if I ovulated or not (I'm thinking not) and that throws me off even more - I gained 7 pounds during the time I usually lose? Again, what is going on with my body?

 Also, I guess a third surprise is that I've managed to get back to where I was with weights on the bar in BodyPump on everything except my squat weight - back up to where I was before I stopped in April due to the injury. And, I'm almost back to where I was for squats too. I started back up at 5 kg per end and I could barely walk for half a week. Now, 2.5 weeks later and I'm back up to 8.5KG  per end and I'm just a wee bit sore. In a week or two I'll try for 10 kg per end again and I had JUST gotten there when I injured myself in late April.

Fourth surprise is not related to any of the above, but I was surprised to hear about how the blog I write for my job was going. My articles are getting a lot of hits. I'm a close second of all 7-8 categories and that's with me being gone for the first two weeks of August and not having anything published for the first 2.5 weeks. And, my posts have gotten the most comments and so on. I've only had 24 posts published altogether (about 1/2 published in July)  of the 190 posts written, so that is making me feel pretty good. People are reading my stuff and are finding it interesting enough to click... let's see if that trend continues or not. And let's see what that means for future employment.

But now I'm wiped out - like COMPLETELY!

Stats for 9/5/12:
Highest weight: 275  Now: 179.8

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

If you want to feel fat, look at wedding dresses

Why am I looking at wedding dresses? Am I getting married? What? Renewing vows? Nope... I'm looking at them for a possibility for a Halloween costume!

Every year, we make nice Halloween costumes. I sew some, buy some and do consigned stuff as often as I can. Sewing your own is great, but it's often the most expensive route! However, I've gotten picky with Halloween costumes. I want them to feel and look good and not be the cheap, thin fabrics you can find most places.

My mom started that. When most other kids were getting costumes like this: plastic costume, I was getting homemade costumes.

There have maybe been a few years I haven't dressed up for Halloween  and probably just when I was exhausted with babies. Halloween is just so much fun! But... finding costumes is not easy. It was not easy when I was heavy because of the ones you could buy, I would have to have that cheap, awful fabric that looks 100 times worse on an obese woman. Of things I could find in consignment shops, very little is available for plus size. So, every year I was either a witch or a man to get around the sizing issue. I could find men's clothes that fit.

The year that my husband and I got married, Halloween was just two weeks after we got married. I had my husband dress up as a bride and me as a groom. (I need to scan that photo in!) I found a used wedding gown at Goodwill, but it was too small for me - OK for him. The year my husband went as Gandalf and my young son as Frodo and the baby as a baby hobbit, I went as a peasant woman - who would believe in a fat Arwin or Galadrial or Eowyn?

Last year, being much thinner (not much heavier than now), I went as Jessie from Toy Story. It was the first time in my adult life that I didn't have to go as a man or chubby character. While I wasn't thin, I didn't look ridiculous as an average built character. (Though, Jessie is a string toy and is quite skinny in the movie!) But still - a svelte character - like Jessica Rabbit? Probably not.

So, this year we are thinking of costume ideas. My son is still undecided on what he wants to be, but we like to do family type of dress ups. Right now he is thinking of being Puss N' Boots from Shrek. That would make my husband Shrek and me Fiona. My older son can either be Donkey, if he's willing, but he's really into My Little Pony right now (a Bronie) and I promised him I would make him a cosplay costume for that if he wanted it.

Anyway, Fiona wears dresses like a princess, as she is a princess. She dresses much like Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, etc. In the first movie she is rescued wearing a green dress.

 Later, she is getting married to Lord Farquaad when Shrek rescues her, so she also wears a wedding dress in the movie. In the second and third movies she wears other dresses - in blue and lavender. Though, I think most people know the first movie best. Need to refresh your memory on all things Shrek? Check out here:

So, I went looking for dresses. I now wear a size 10 or 12 dress - mostly depending on the cut of the bust. Most 10s are too small in the bust for me as I have a large rib cage and then a large bust on top of that rib cage. 12s are too big in the waist and hips, but fit the bust.

I can get this dress: green dress. I would need a size large. Or, I can go for a wedding dress. Finding a used wedding dress can be cheaper. And, I've never worn a wedding dress - it might be fun! I got married in a short sleeved suit jacket and skirt.

But I forget that in formal attire, I'm not a 10 or a 12. I'm a 16 or 18. I'm plus sized! Again, try to find a plus sized wedding dress? And to make it more complicated, some things say 16 and would fit, and others wouldn't. There is basically no way to order a used one and to know it would fit. And when I look, you can find all sorts of cute things if you are a bridal 10 and smaller, but if you are a bridal 16 or 18? Yikes!

So, even at a much better weight, I still would feel icky in most Halloween costumes. Notice I'm not thinking of being Princess Fiona as a human - but as an ogre - who is plump! And plump equals ugly.

Stats for 9/3/12:

Highest weight: 275  Now: 181.2

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Full night of sleep = good food decisions

I got 9 hours of sleep last night. NINE! That helps make up for a bit of what I was lacking this past week and I feel so much better. I have got to stop staying up with my spouse. I never outlast him anyway, so why do I not go to bed??? It's my own fault and I can prevent it!

But, this time I got enough sleep and I feel so much better. And guess what? I'm making better food decisions as a result - duh!

My plan is to reallllllly buckle down the last four months of the year and to get as far as I can. That will have to mean a lot of self-discipline around the holidays, but I want to end the year better than I started it and to do so will mean just getting myself back into the groove and staying there!

It means getting enough sleep. Sticking to an exercise program and eating right. It means addressing Seasonal Affect Disorder and in keeping stress low (so I don't lose sleep)! That's all doable. I just need to do it!

Stats for 9/2/12:

Highest weight: 275  Now: 182.2

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Facing the scale after a few days

I started the week so well. It ended so poorly. I'm back on track, but those few days off resulted in real weight gain (fat), I'm sure, and tons of water weight. Tonight my shoes that were falling off, barely fit my feet. LOTS of water there... which happens whenever I eat a more carb rich diet and I was eating too much sugar - again, to compensate for lack of sleep.

And while I hate that I slipped up and I am refighting the same pounds over and over again, I got to thinking about it in a rational way. Yes. This entire year I have made so little forward progress on the weight loss. I've gotten more fit (and lost a bit of that, but I'm gaining it back), but I had really hoped I would reach goal this year. Seems I won't unless something miraculous happens. 4 months to lose about 25 pounds? In the beginning of the journey that was possible. it's not this close to the end.

But I'm not going to beat myself up about that. Why? What it does mean is that I have managed to keep the weight off this year. I bounce around a bit - up and down, but I'm basically holding steady. I found a maintenance level. That in itself is a victory and I need to acknowledge that. I didn't lose the weight and then go all crazy and gain it all back.

I just keep trying to do the best I can - one day at a time and see where I end up. What's for certain, is that I'm in a much better place now - even if it's maintenance - than I have been ever in my adult life!

Doesn't mean I'm going to rest on my laurels - nope! I want to keep pushing forward, but I also don't want to lose site of the big success I am having too!

So, fess up time with the scale - 182.8... right about where I was when I came back from Croatia. Lets see (again) how much is water with reeling in the sugar consumption (again).