Sunday, December 16, 2012

A weekend of such mixed emotions

The weekend started with such a horrible feeling in my heart. Learning of yet another mass shooting and this time with little ones as the victimes, less than two weeks before Christmas. It just made me realize all the more how lucky I am - now and always.

While that was with me all the rest of the weekend (and will be for a long time - and I will be more and more proactive about things) I also had a very wonderful weekend.

I spent 7 hours on Friday baking and decorating cookies. I could have seen it as one huge duty I needed to do, but I didn't. I made between 450-500 cookies. I had already planned my talk for Sunday School, practiced it and polished it as well as it could be. I could see the house would be cleanable in a whirlwind vacuum and dusting on Saturday, so I set to baking.

My mother in law (just home from a cruise and a bit under the weather) said "I am beginning to hate Christmas". How sad really. To her it just seems like one big duty. Oh, if she would only stop thinking of all the "duties" and just enjoy - take in how excited her grandson gets. Notice how people light up with a cheerful smile. Make something yummy and watch people enjoy. Sure, some of the prep can be difficult or labor intensive, but just hold onto how wonderful the payoffs are. That's what I do!

Friday night I organized all the baked goods for Sunday School, sunday platform, the Cookie exchange party, my husband's holiday party, my son's school teachers and the left overs for the family. I cleaned the kitchen and then soaked in the tub and readied for Saturday.

I spent most of Saturday cleaning. I picked up the family room, moved the clutter out of the basement, tidied my son's room, got my husband to dust, my older son to run the vacuum, and I made the salad and then got everything arranged/set for the party. We had a wonderful, wonderful party. There were 40 people, 14 of them kids. Oh my goodness, their wonder and joy is so catching. I had my son set up a couple of trains - kid heaven. The basement was a rec room fun fest. They were having so much fun doing everything else, they didn't even want to stop and make the gingerbread trees! Only the arrival of Santa got them interested in leaving the fun stuff and then they were ready to make the gingerbread trees after Santa's visit.

After the party I was smiling ear to ear. I was tired, but happy. To wrap up the day, my husband and I cuddled on the couch with a spiked eggnog with rum (and oh boy, a good eggnog is sooooo much better than the cheap stuff!)

I got a full night of sleep, showered and loaded up the car for today's Sunday. I was giving the talk today which is already a bit stressful, but today was the first ever chorus rehearsal too and I had a stand-in for my usual role. Then, I had a gay/lesbian panel for the sex. ed class I usually teach, and I had a stand in teacher for that class too. And it all went so well - the talk, the chorus rehearsal, the guest panel. Yay!!!!

We came home, ate a quick lunch and then I went to my first ever cookie swap. It was fun to see what people brought to exchange and I even got to finally meet a local person who I have gotten to know a bit through Facebook and that was nice.

I came home to a family happy to see me, easy leftovers to heat up for dinner and now I'm sitting here with the family in the family room. We're listening to the Muppets, A Green and Red Christmas while I write this blog and my husband reads stuff on the computer and the little guy is drawing pictures.

Now if I can just hold onto this feeling. I keep going back to those children, those innocents slain by a crazy man, but then I have to let it go. I will be proactive. I will speak up, but I also need to enjoy my life and move on. I also realize, only not fully enough, innocents die around the world every day and some of it due to our own actions.

But I also need to grab these wonderful, peaceful moments and savor them.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Plan for this holiday versus last holiday season

Last year I took a planned break from exercise and eating regime. I had been 100% on task for 11 months and I decided a break was what I needed.

I thought it would do me good - and in a way it did. I just got discouraged afterward at how long it took me to lose the weight I had put on. I also got frustrated at how much I had to back pedal at the gym, especially with weights.

This last year, the entire freaking year, has been - gain, lose, gain. lose and recently gain and now losing. Started the year around 184, got down to 175 back up a bit, dow to 165, up to 175, then up to 185, then down to 174 and now back up to 183 and working my way down (currently 182).

Some of the ups and downs were injury related, Some were just getting lax. Some was vacation stuff. But this year, even though I didn't intend it to be, was very much a "how will this go the rest of my life". Up and down and up and down.

I tend to have big swings on the scale. My body reacts quite strongly to eating carbs. So it can climb up 10 pounds in a week with most of it being water weight. Unfortunately, it doesn't come off as quickly (usually). I know it's not all fat as I can see the swelling in my feet and I keep a tally on the calories in, but big, wild swings will probably be the name of the game for the rest of my life.

As I've had a year to see where my body likes to settle and where my eating habits are concerned and exercise habits go, I'm thinking for realistic measures, between 160-170 will be my maintenance range. Hoping to keep it around 165. That's a good, realistic weight for me. Should be a maintainable weight too. We'll see how it goes, but I am more wanting to work on body fat percentage. I want to real shoot for 25% which I think, with exercise and working out I should be there at/around 165.

To do that though, I absolutely do not want to take a break in December. So far so good with holiday parties, etc. We have already had one party - and I didn't go crazy. I didn't take a break day for my birthday (had yummy swordfish with a pomegranate green peppercorn reduction with a pomegranate salsa with a side of steamed broccoli). This weekend we have another party, and I will not go crazy and I do not plan to do a lot of baking this year. I am doing one big bake off today and probably one next week - that's it.

I want to start the year not up on the scale, but DOWN so that I can start the year not having to go even further than I need to go from here. Right now, I have 17 pounds to get to 165. I don't want to make that 20 or 25 pounds!

So, no holiday breaks this year. This year was the year of breaks and enough of that!

Tomorrow, I'll detail my plan a bit.

Scale 182.4

Thursday, December 13, 2012

As Promised, Back at it and a shoulder update

Glad to say it was only the blog I wasn't really "doing" and a bit too free with the food the past couple weeks, but not buck crazy either.  Scale still says 182.

So, other things to update. Well, my bum shoulder. I hurt it way back in April. Finally started doing PT for it in October. In November, they told me they suspected a Labrum tear and to go to an orthopedist for an MRI. They expected it to be small and not anything to "do" for it, but they needed to know what was going on with the shoulder more before they could do more treatment.

So, I went to the orthopedist late November, had an MRI last week and this Tuesday I learned that it's unclear if I have a labrum tear - if I do it's very small and not viewable on the MRI with a dry MRI (meaning they didn't inject a contrast to show more of the shoulder). What it does show is rotator cuff tendonitis which is also impingement and from overuse. He gave me a cortisone shot, ordered more PT and a follow up appt in a month.

My shoulder feels about the same with the cortison shot, but maybe a wee bit better. Basically, nothing terrible going on there, but it's overused and I need to rebalance the muscles and rest the shoulder from certain movements to let it heal.

But, I'm a bit bummed. I had JUST gotten to a new strength level too - I can now do 24 full length pushups in a row. I can lift the most weight I've ever lifted. I had been at standstill for what seems forever and now I'm told to back off - again.

Add to that, with cardio, I'm at the max I can do for keeping my heart rate up without doing higher impact which then I run into my bladder issues. I could just drop weights for awhile while this heals and do cardio- running, fast walking, step aerobics, etc, but then I have bladder leaking issues and pretty annoying ones at that. I'm not ready mentally to have the bladder surgery done as well, I want to GET TO GOAL FIRST! I want to be at a good place with the weight loss and fitness level before I have to stop and not exercise. I need to be there mentally so that I don't feel it as such a terrible set back.

UGH! Can you sense my frustration? Darn body! Neither injury/issue is related to an exercise injury either - one from giving birth to two enormous babies and the other from doing something stupid with a 2 wheeled cart.

I could do the eliptical machine I supposed, but I get some bored of that with just FIVE minutes of warm up at the gym. I detest cardio machines. Maybe more spinning classes (not overly fond of those either and I still have bladder issues when we get out of the seat - sometimes).

Anyway... that's the shoulder update. Now I should call the PT so I can continue with that.


Wednesday, December 12, 2012

No excuse, just needed a mental break

How its been more than 2 months, I have no idea.  I didn't plan on taking a break. That wasn't my intention, but things, life, just got too overwhelming.  I was trying to juggle the 2 part time jobs that required a lot of writing, 2 intensive speech therapies, 3 times a week for my son, 2 times a week physical therapy for my shoulder, taking care of a home, as well as trying to maintain at least one of my personal blogs and trying to stay on top of my fitness.  I just got burned out with writing,  I needed to write for work, so I kept that.  This, my lifeline to staying on top of things all fitness and eating related, got dropped.

Two weeks ago today my one part time job which was temporary, ended.  Just before that, my physical therapy ended (temporarily), and two of the three sessions a week of my sons speech therapy ended.  I took one week to just veg, I window shopped. I Christmas shopped online. I used some much needed me time.

So far this week, I've gotten back into the groove with getting projects at home done, and got a presentation in order for my remaining  job as well as getting things more in order for that job and I celebrated my 43rd birthday. I'm finally ready to jump back into this blog again.

As far as how I've handled fitness and eating, it's been a mixed bag.  I've managed to get in 4 workouts a week, 2 of them weight training. I am physically stronger than I have ever been. Eating has been mostly hit or miss with the last two weeks especially, miss.  Scale says around 182. Definitely not my plan as I hoped to at least stay at 175 by year's end, but for not tracking and for being unbelievably busy, it's not horrible either.  I think a lot of is water weight from too many carbs.  My big problem is that I've upped the sweets as I lost sleep with being so busy.  As life is calming back down, my desire to do better is getting better too. There is actually hope that I will be 175 by month's end if I am holding a lot of water weight as I suspect (and if a cortisone shot doesn't make me hold water).

So, I am 43.  I started this blog after just turning 41- thinking about 42 and how my dad died at the age of 42.  This last year I've spent trying to make fitness and better eating a lifestyle and it's mostly there of that I'm so proud to say. I've now reached an age my father never did.  I don't say that with sadness.  My dad wasn't a part of my life when he died.  He had walked away from us kids when I was a preteen and he died when I was 22. He died 20 years ago now.  I have so much more that he ever had and for that I'm thankful.

So, I am back and I plan to be stay back.  One last final push for this year.  And I WILL finish this weight loss journey early next year.  While this year was a success in maintenance (mostly), I want to finish this weight loss thing!

I'm back, I promise!