Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Two big things today!

First the scale was kind to me this morning. Not only did I get to 80 pounds lost again. I also got to 100 pounds down from highest too. Still not back down to my all time low from about a week ago, but it's getting close. That made me feel soooooooooo much better. As my husband said this morning though. Who knows why I feel better. It could be from the weight loss but it could also be from the hormones starting to subside too - which of course is what also made the weight drop!

The other biggee is that I bought boots. Women's boots. Calf high women's boots! Woohoo! I have never, ever been able to wear calf high boots as an adult. My calves were too thick and my arches too high. The first pair I tried on today I couldn't even fit my foot inside because of my high instep. But then I spied a pair of Pajars. They would match both my winter coats. They aren't "cute", but they are very functional and cute enough. My current boots are men's boots. And they are ankle boots. Those are fine for driving around and getting in and out of slushy areas, but not good for playing in the snow. I simply couldn't fit any other boots - even other men's boots that would be calf high! Until today. They are a lot like these . They are just in black and don't have the fur lining or the pom-pom on top. Found them for a really good price at Marshall's (less than half the price shown online). So bring on winter and snow. This year I'm fit and ready for building a snowman!

So a good day today. I needed one! Doing BodyPump this evening. I finished the bagging of leaves yesterday.

Stats for 11/30/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 174.8

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Well, I said I would change my image back to a pizza slice

But, I'm not going to do it. My weight keeps coming down and my monthly visitor came today. That water weight will leave me very soon, so why torture myself with making it seem like I've slid backwards when all I've been experiencing are normal blips.

And my mood is lifting. Very odd that this month I didn't feel any strong ovulation signs - outward signs like I usually do, but I had a big whoosh like months past and I was super moody for 3-4 days before TTOM started. Not snippy, just a bit down in the dumps.

I think getting raking done yesterday really helped me. I was out there for four hours - taking my frustrations out on the yard. I'm 'almost' finished. I have a big pile in the front yard to rake up and then when I can get to it (little by little) there is a mountain of leaves under the fire bushes and around our deck. WHo knows the last time that was raked. So far 60 bags used. I didn't bag the side yard as I need to kill the grass alongside the garage for a flowerbed, so I piled it all up there quite thick to speed up the job for this spring. Hopefully it will rain on it enough today before the winds hit later this afternoon. Speaking of rain, it's not rainy now and I might bag up the leaves in the front yard that remain while the weather holds out. (Ran out of sun last night to finish up). With all the leaves, I would need between 90-100 bags - stuffed full to the top - compacted as much as I can get them too. A crazy amount of leaves!

Plan for today is to run errands (bank, grocery store and pharmacy) and then I'm tackling my sewing/craft room. I need to have that room together. I think that is bugging me too that my room is always an unusable mess - the "no man's land' of dumping stuff. Part of that will include donating a ton of stuff as there's too much in there to ever be used. And, since I'm in a purging mood, it should go fast! A charity is coming by Friday morning to pick up stuff, so that is even more motivation to get things out of here!

Stats for 11/29/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 176.2
Miles walked in 2011:  947/1000

Monday, November 28, 2011

Kids are back in school - lets get back in gear

Have to admit, I'm glad things are back to normal. I have so much to do - running errands, raking and bagging leaves and getting ready for the holidays. Today is the last really nice day outside, so I'm making the most of it! That will be my workout for today (again) - raking and bagging and putting up holiday lights. Fun stuff! I'll be so happy to have the lawn all finished up and I should be able to do it today (I hope).

So, off I run. Nothing much more to add except I'm still here and chugging along.

Stats for 11/28/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 177.4

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Gaining has put me in a definite funk

I felt so darn good while I was losing the weight these past few weeks. The scale was moving after standing still for 6 weeks (or better put, bouncing around the same 3 pounds for 6 weeks). I got to 80 pounds lost. I got to 100 pounds lost overall and then.... for no reason - no reason at all, I started to gain. I wasn't overeating. I was exercising and bam... weight gain.

Then, Thanksgiving and more weight gain. I didn't even pig out! I ate a big meal and had dessert, but it was a 2500 calorie day. That should be no gain with as much as I was burning with cooking all day. Then I kept most of that Thanksgiving gain and why???? It went down a little and then went back up today! The scale who was my friend is now my enemy. WHY did it have to bounce up over 175 - that magic number? Grrrrr.....

So, I've been in a funk. I've tried to be upbeat about it. I've tried to say to myself it will come off in time, but in the meantime, I feel horrible - no getting around that.

To feel a bit better today I went walking - by myself. Then I raked and bagged leaves - by myself. I don't feel much better. I don't think I will until that scale goes down. And I won't do it by starving myself (which is my mother in law's new tactic, by the way). Ugh...this bites, really bites. To be THIS CLOSE to a goal - to have even gotten there for a few days and then BAM... just like that - it's gone. Wah!!!!

And since I'm honest, I'll change it back to one slice of pizza if this weight is not off by Tuesday. My guess is that it will not be gone! 2.2 pounds at this time of the month just doesn't happen.
Stats for 11/27/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 177.8
Total miles walked in 2011: 931/1000

Saturday, November 26, 2011

I can tell hormones are beginning to mess with me!

I had a great day yesterday. It was gorgeous and being outside for a good part of it. I even snuck into a store after 3 pm (found parking everywhere and up close) on Black Friday to catch a present on sale.

By evening though, my mood was slipping. I didn't know why. When I saw my husband and two sons grab some pie for an evening snack I thought to myself, "I can never do that again.". I can't eat snacks like that or I'll gain. And I felt sorry for myself a bit. Now normally I don't care about that stuff and I don't feel deprived. But I did last night and I knew it had to be hormones, but it didn't make me feel better knowing that. It also didn't help that I had gained 3 pounds on the thanksgiving dinner when at most I should have seen an 8 ounce gain.

Today I feel the hormones a bit too. Scales dropped a pound of that water weight, but with hormones still up, I probably won't see a big drop on the scale for several days if at all. And that means I'm not at 80 pounds lost for this journey or 100 pounds from my all time high. Those numbers seem like ancient history. Wah!!!! darn hormones!!!

Stats for 11/25/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 177.2 (78.4 pounds lost)

Friday, November 25, 2011

The day after a feast

According to my weight loss app I should still lose weight yesterday and the day before because of the number of hours I was on my feet cooking. I was on my feet cooking or cleaning for 14 hours Wednesday. And I cooked for 8 hours yesterday and then cleaned dishes afterward for another 1.5 hours. The scale should be going down. Nope. Up over 3 pounds. Go figure.

But my period is soon. I was on my feet which makes me hold water and I ate carbs much more thN normally and that makes me gain too. The scale will go down soon enough.

Planting bulbs today at a friends house and no mire high calorie days for awhile.

And postings might have more errors as I have to type on my iPhone. Our fios stuff is out until Sunday morning. No home phone line. No cable. No Internet.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

It's hard not to compare this year to last year. I'm making about the same menu as last year (switched out two side dishes and one dessert). So, when I look at the recipes and I see my time in the kitchen, I can pretty much know how it compares to last year.

I was more behind last year AND I had help (a friend came down on Wednesday and helped part of that day and all of Thanksgiving). I was dying with a headache and it was a bit worse that day as I was working so hard and a bit stressed. I felt I was trudging through molasses. I still had a great time and it was one of our best Thanksgivings ever, but I was popping ibuprofen every 3.5 hours to make it through.

This year, no headaches and I'm prepping solo and I'm further along that last year. I have all the veggies (besides the potatoes and apples) prepped. Same for herbs. Even the pie crusts are chilling in the fridge and the pancetta sage butter for the turkey - all done - ready to rock and roll for today. All I have to do today is cook and some of the cooking is done (cranberries, roasted onions and pumpkin cheesecake). Oh, and this year I managed to get the cranberries into the molds. I have more ENERGY!!!

But, standing on my feet for about 15 hours yesterday has me holding more water today. I ate 1550 calories yesterday and cleaned and prepped the rest of the time. AND even helped my husband hang our new  TV over the fireplace. And I slept well. I think I slept fitfully last year.

What I have found is that if I spend a lot of time on my feet, I retain water - every. single. time. So I expected the gain. I'm kind of glad it happened now as I won't blame the food when it goes up again tomorrow.

Oh, and something interesting. I'm beginning to pay attention to the "body fat percentage" thingee on my scale. Three days ago it said I had 31% body fat. Two days ago it said 31%. On the day I lived on my feet? 25% yesterday even though I actually weighed more on the scale. I guess it shows how accurate this are! They aren't! LOL

OK, have to get to get to work if I want to get dinner on the table at time. Starting with ironing the tablecloth and the napkins. I've only had 364 days to iron them. Of course I waited until the day I need them to iron them! Ugh!

Stats for 11/23/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 175.4
Total miles walked in 2011: 915/1000

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

I don't think Thanksgiving is going to be a problem

I have my menu. Are you ready for it? I got a bit overboard, but then again, I don't cook again until Monday. That's a win-win-win for me. Plus, we always have guests and you never know what people like or don't like, so I make a bit of everything.

This year's feast:

Chestnut Fennel Soup
Winter Squash Rolls
Cranberry Sauce 
Sage Pancetta Roasted Turkey
Sausage Cranberry Cornbread Stuffing
Scalloped Potatoes
Scalloped Corn
Candied Sweet Potatoes
Roasted Root Vegetables and Brussels Sprouts with Garlic and Pancetta
Lemon Roasted Green Beans with Almonds
Pancetta Sage Gravy
Double Crust Apple Pie with Cinnamon Ice Cream
Pumpkin Pie with Whipped Cream
Pumpkin Pecan Cheesecake with Spiked Whipped Cream

Sounds good, doesn't it? So, why won't it be a problem? Well, it's a lot of food, so I'll have just a bit of everything - a taste of sweet potatoes, a taste of scalloped corn and scalloped potatoes. I can fill up on turkey, green beans, root vegetables and brussels sprouts. I love those foods. And, I'll be too full to be tempted by desserts. I know that already. Plus, desserts haven't been tempting me. We have stuff around the house all the time. It's dough and batter that get to me, but none of these really have an edible dough or batter, so I should be OK.

My weekend is also going to be super busy. I am helping someone plant bulbs Friday morning. Helping someone put up a Christmas tree on Saturday and by Sunday most of the food will be gone and I'll be tired of it. Now, I don't think I will lose any weight over the holiday weekend, but I hope not to gain either. (Though.... I've been gaining for two days in a row now, so who knows, but I haven't been overeating  and I've been active - it's just all fluctuations).

Huh, speaking of fluctuations, I had to put a ring on my middle finger as I was afraid it would fall off my ring finger. And it was loose on my middle finger too. Today I notice that I can't take it off without a struggle and my other hand's ring is also snugger than it was. Wonder why I'm holding water? It's obvious from the rings' fit. Huh...

Anyway, today and tomorrow will be a whirlwind of cleaning and cooking. I want to prep as much as possible today and get most of the cleaning done today so that tomorrow can just be cooking.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving and safe travels everyone! (to those readers who are already heading off for their holiday weekend!)

Stats for 11/23/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 174.6

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Changing my birthday plan

Last year we went to the Melting Pot for my birthday. It was fun. It was delicious and really, not over the top in calories. I had been thinking all along we would do that again, but, as it's nearing, I'm not so sure I want to do that. I think I would rather have a normal meal at home (without a cake) and use the money on something else. Something fun for me. I'm more about crafty things than about food and wine (opposite of my husband). Plus, with all the other food temptations this season, I don't want to add another day to be watchful. There is always next year if I want it.

Today will be going to bodypump and I'm looking forward to it. Last night I did Zumba and I didn't like it too much. It's too hard on the joints. I can't do the jumping and when you don't know the choreography, it's hard to get a good workout. That hour class seemed to drag on forever. I was so happy when it was done.

It didn't help that I was right in front of the mirror (no way to escape it). And all I could see was my upper arms swinging back and forth and my inner thighs jiggling all over and then in some moves, the thin shirt pressing against my flabby tummy. Ugh... all that loose skin!

It is getting better and I know it will continue to get better, but I know it won't go away and it will be a forever reminder of where I have been. It bummed me out a little bit. On the day that I reached 100 plus pounds gone, I felt like a blop in class - even though I was one of the more active people... I looked so jiggly. No fun. I almost want to put in shiny rhinestones all over my shirt front - So what that I'm jiggly! I've lost 100+ pounds! I swapped being fat for loose skin! Kind of like those pregnant women who wear shirts with an arrow pointing to their tummy and it says, "baby". or better, an arrow pointing to the side and the shirt saying "I'm with stupid". Not my style, but it's tempting

Stats for 11/22/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 174.6 (lost 81 pounds)
Total miles walked in 2011: 910/1000

Monday, November 21, 2011

Holy crap! I did it!!!!

Not only have I lost 80 pounds now and taken away all the pizza slices. I've lost 100 pounds from my highest weight ever. Ok, 101 pounds!!!

In 2001-2003 I ballooned up to 275. To let you see how out of control I felt with that weight gain (went from about 185 to 275 very quickly), I would say to myself, "Well, at least I'm not 300 pounds." Not, "Oh my god - how did I get up to 275?"

I lost about 30 pounds very quickly when we were moving as I stopped eating in the college cafeteria and was making wiser choices. In the following year I gained 20 of it back and got to 265. At 265 I got pregnant.

During pregnancies I lose weight and this time was the same - 6 weeks post partum I weight 238. Within a year, it was back up to 265. I wasn't trying to control my weight, but for years it stayed stable at 265.

Then we moved again - I got more active and then I dropped to 255ish. But for that year, I actually was trying to keep it at or below 255.   I didn't work for those 10 pounds lost - they just happened with all the painting, packing, etc, but I did try to keep the scale steady. And I did that for a year.  It was like I was testing myself to see if I could maintain a weight loss. Remember, I went from 235 to 185 in about 7 months when I did my only other big weight loss, but then gained 185 to 275, 90 pounds, in 3 years!!! I was scared, really scared that losing weight again (and I had done it the same then as I did now - minus lowering my carbs) that I would gain it all back plus MORE if I seriously tried to lose weight again. I lost complete control for that time and I never quite figured out why... so fear of trying again prevented me from doing anything. Until my health fell apart.

This past year I was on a mission. I wanted to get my health in order. I wanted to get my weight in order. I wanted to become more fit. I felt 175 was an attainable weight for me. I had gotten to 185 before. Couldn't I do 10 more pounds? Especially since I felt I wasn't done last time? And so, I set the lofty goal of losing 80 pounds in 2011. I said I would be happy with 50 as 50 didn't sound 'tooooo hard'. 50 would be about 1 pound a week, but secretly, I wanted to get to 175 and 80.6 pounds lost. I wanted to know/feel that I had lost 100 pounds from my highest. I wanted to know and feel that I was at my high school graduation weight - a weight I have never been since graduating high school.

And I did it. I woke up today to see 174 on the scale. Unbelievable. And my husband says he can see the last 10 pounds too. I feel trimmer and look trimmer which makes sense as more and more of the fat is revealing muscle and bone.

Now, I'm not done with this journey. I don't think I'll ever be done because thinking I'm done is dangerous. I will continue doing what I'm doing and I'll set my new target for 165. I think that weight is attainable now if I keep eating how I'm eating and exercising how I'm exercising. I have no goal for a date to accomplish this buy, but with my motivation still so high right now, I'll keep pressing on and hope to get there by March or April. Three to four months should do it - even when I count in all the holidays. After 165... well, that would be vanity pounds.

I think anyone who knows me and sees me in real life can see that I'm getting really close to a really good weight - even if it does sound like a high number - 174 now and 165 for a new goal. I'm just not built like a small or medium built person. I know so many obese people say that - but in my case, I swear, it's really true!

Oh, and remember that dress I wanted so badly this summer and I eventually found it on clearance at TJMaxx? That one with the fall print colors? I wore that yesterday to the fall festival and to the Nutcracker ballet performance and it's getting too loose! It's still good for now, but it will need to be taken in if I lose 10 pounds more. And I WILL take it in as I adore that dress.

And, if I lose 10 pounds more, I can the fit comfortable into size 10s. Right now the 12s are getting loose and many 10s are a bit snug (but getting closer and closer). It would be nice to fit in clothes comfortably at the correct size. And gasp, perhaps size 8s??? (OMG!!!!)

That dress I wore yesterday is a 14 (but they run small). I could use it in a 12 and if I lose more - into a 10. AND if I fit into all 10s comfortably, that will mean I dropped from a tight 20 at 275 (they were loose at 255, but 18s were very snug) to a comfortable 10 at 165. 6 pant sizes down. Size 8 isn't even in my dreams, though I might get there!

Oh, and I wore a new bra yesterday as the 36" bands are getting too loose. I wore a 34" band yesterday. I haven't done that since I was 16 I think! (But my cup size is bigger - I was stuffing myself into smaller cup sizes as I couldn't find the larger sizes I needed back then in small town Iowa. And stuffing myself into a too small cup size meant I needed the extra band width to accommodate the girls).  And while I feel I've lost some of the girls - the cup size is the same when the band is the right size. Went from a 40G to a 34G. Yep, I remain chesty... I can see that in the gym most of all - almost always the chestiest woman there!Which reminds me, I need new workout bras too as they are not tight enough any more either. This journey has been expensive, but so worth it. In the end, it will save us so much more money than the investment in a new wardrobe!

So, yep. I made it!!!!

Stats for 11/21/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6 Now: 174.0 (down 81.6 pounds)

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Six more ounces - and who ate all that pizza???

Woke up this morning to a great gift - a continuation of the weight loss whoosh. I'm super busy this morning, so I can't go on and on, but I had to celebrate that the whole 8 slices of pizza have disappeared. I did it! I lost 80 pounds (80.2 to be precise) and I need just six measly ounces (they weight of a medium sized apple) to get to 175.0. My initial goal!!!

Yay me!

Stats for 11/20/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 175.4 (80.2 pounds lost!)
Total miles walked in 2011: 906/1000

Saturday, November 19, 2011

And here I am - on the cusp of getting there

I knew I would see a drop on the scale this morning. First, I was peeing a lot yesterday and second, despite eating too much frosting yesterday, the math just didn't add up that I was standing still on the scale while I was exercising and eating low (around 1450-1500). So yep, down more than a pound today.

I'm not sure it will stay as I didn't exercise yesterday and today I will be lifting weights AND raking my yard and bagging the mounds of leaves already there as well as cooking a lot. I have more than too much to do today. Like way too much, but... maybe that will keep me from mindlessly eating.

Somehow today I have to bake - 2-3 loaves of bread (one for home, 2 for an auction item), I need to get to the grocery store, I need to finish up a silent auction tally (all the organizing is done and tallying is done, I just need to make the sheets to get to winners and donors for tomorrow). I need to get my Thanksgiving shopping list ready (So glad that I made a grocery list on the computer last year so I can just tweak that) and I need to make a slide show from the pictures I've taken for over a month at Sunday School and adding some video to it. I'm sure there's more - like when will I ever clean? Can't have guests come on Thanksgiving to a messy house?

I've gotten behind because I've been volunteering every day at the elementary school. I figure they need me more than my house does, but right now my house begs to differ.

So... I'll be busy today... which will probably mean I'll see a slight gain on the scale tomorrow - a lot of time on my feet and all that raking and working out tends to make me hold a bit of water. I think it was NOT exercising yesterday and giving my body a one day break that allowed for a drop in the scale - my mucles had a chance to heal between workouts.

OK... ready set go!!!

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 176.4 (79.2 pounds lost!!!!)

Friday, November 18, 2011

Seriously, what is it with me and frosting?

Yesterday I was helping my son with his homework. He's in first grade and one of his homework assignments is to read to his parents. The book he had to read was "The Chocolate cake". In the book, a little girl and boy are bored because it's a rainy day and they can't go out to play. They get an idea to bake something and go ask their mom if they can. Mom says sure and tells them where to get the cake mix and then the kids are on their own - adding eggs, water and a bit of oil. They pop it in the oven, wait for it to bake and when they go to flip it out of the pan, they realize they forgot to butter the pan. The girl is all upset, but the boy has an idea. They can make a chocolate cake custard using the pieces and for the happy ending, that's what they did.

Well, it just so happened I had some ripe bananas and I was planning on making a chocolate banana bread. This recipe easily transfers to a chocolate banana cake, so I asked my little guy if he wanted to make a cake. Of course he did. So, we baked the cake. I guess all day at school today he was talking about how he was going to decorated a cake when he got home and that is what we just did. We whipped up some chocolate sour cream frosting and iced the cake. It looks pretty and I'm sure it will taste divine, but I won't have any (maybe a bite to see how it turned out).

Anyway, while icing the cake, I couldn't keep myself from sampling the frosting. I LOVE this chocolate frosting. I can say no to jut about anything, but this frosting? Wow! No!!!! I just ate about 4 tablespoons of icing - totally not part of my plan for today, but I couldn't resist it! So, I guess it's good that I never did get into professional cake decorating as I would be in trouble.

It's funny how we all have our downfalls and I never would have guessed frosting would be one for me - that and cookie dough batter. Baked cookies aren't a temptation at all, but the cookie dough? Watch out!

Stats for 11/17/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 177.6

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The grocery stores right now and how will the holidays go?

The grocery stores are temptation city. Everything I love is out - hot chocolate, winter coffee drink advertisements from Starbucks at the door of the grocery store, cookies and other bakery items and all the fixings for holiday stuff are on nearly every end cap. There is no way to avoid all the goodies at the store. Everywhere you turn are the holiday temptations.

It didn't help that I went right before lunch and I was hungry - very hungry. But, I was good. I didn't get anything I didn't need and I didn't get anything for the family they didn't need. I stuck to my honeycrisp apple and natural peanut butter for lunch and it was delicious and hit the spot.

But, it also got me to thinking about the holidays. I will make all the yummy stuff for the holidays like I always do and I said I would partake in some of that as I don't believe in depriving myself. However, I didn't really think it through. I am this close to reaching my initial goal. Like really, really close. Theoretically, I could reach it tomorrow if the scale gave me a big whoosh (not likely, but I've dropped that much in a day before). And then what? To gain some of it back with Thanksgiving? Christmas?

And for my family it is like quadruple whammy as in that 6.5 weeks starting with Thanksgiving there is: Thanksgiving (and we host so we have leftovers), my birthday, Christmas, New Years, Orthodox Christmas and my husband's birthday. Late November to the 7th of January. And we host a Christmas event too (last year we hosted two).

There is basically no way to lose weight during that time - no way. Just from the meals of those days alone - Thanksgiving, my birthday, christmas, new years, orthodox christmas and my husband's birthday - just that will take me over probably. So losing is probably out... but how about maintaining? How can I maintain and still have a few goodies? How can I maintain and eat a slice or two of my Christmas stollen? Or my fudge like dessert? Or any of the other temptations of the holidays?

I think if the holidays would have been in June or October, I would just say "this month is a wash, I'll make the best decisions I can during that time, but I probably won't see a loss during that time and will probably see a slight gain and that's OK... the next week is a new week and we'll just restart".  However, I am having a hard time with that mindset for now. I set myself a goal of getting to 175 by my birthday and I'll probably get there... but I don't want to get there and then gain back a few to not be there at 175 starting the new year and one year of being healthy.

I know it's random and I don't need to be at a particular weight at a particular time, but I want it so bad and I'm so super motivated right now that the holiday's timing is so off. I'm beginning to think I won't partake in the goodies, but just in the special days and even then, keeping it very minimal. It goes against everything else I advice anyone else to do and against what I said I would do for myself, but I just can't lose sight of that 175 especially after such a rough few weeks with everyone getting sick, my thyroid going bonky again and my neck injury. I'm in such a good spot right now that I don't want to be derailed! I want to push onwards and feel like I made it, truly made it by the new year. And from that ringing in of the New Year onward will then be just finishing the journey of the last whatever pounds and keeping up with the fitness.

Heck, I don't even want to address my stress incontinence problem until after I get to goal. It's just something I need to do for myself. I've never met my weight loss goal ever before. In 1999 I set it for 165 and got to 185. This time I'm getting there (and probably on downwards to 165 or so eventually).

I think I'm being a bit obsessive about this... but so be it.

Stats for 11/17/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 178.8 (up .2 from yesterday)
Total miles walked in 2011: 896/1000

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

And the good feelings continue

So, I shared with my husband yesterday about the blog post I wrote and retold him how much it meant to hear those words, so much so that I blogged about it. I also wanted to tell him about it because I received a very, very, very nice email from a friend yesterday who read my blog and then said this:

First the message line/tite read: Beautiful indeed.

The body of the message is this:

I read your comment today and I can more than second XXXX.  You were absolutely beautiful Sunday.  And it was not only an outer beauty but an inner one.  When you were speaking to the group, I am sure everyone wished they had a child in your class.  The glowing love and enthusiams coming from you was just amazing.

You are truly a shining star,


Now, how can you not feel all warm and blown away from an unsolicited email like that? Of course I thanked the sender as WOW... that person made my day (and he/she is pretty darn special too and everyone knows it and I hope he/she does too!)

So, I shared that with my husband, and then he floored me some more.  He said, "Well yes, you spoke very well on Sunday - you were enthusiastic, speaking to everyone articulately and you kept it simple, short and straightforward - just saying what you needed to say and not more, so that was nice. But, I couldn't stop looking at you as you were just so beautiful." What???? This is my husband saying this? I asked him if he would 'pick me up' again and he enthusiastically said yes! Now, that is a question I would have never had confidence enough to ask before. Yes, sure my husband loved me, that I never really doubted. But loving someone and being attracted to someone is very, very different. And I'm so glad he finds me attractive again - despite my stretch marks, my beginning wrinkles, my thinning hair, and loose skin and my quirky ways.

My older son is proud of me too - though he won't be as bold enough to say it, but he lets me know in his cryptic teenage ways and I like that he can be proud of me. (Though I think he worries about me regaining it - so am I kid!) The little guy (6) probably doesn't even notice! LOL

And to add to the feeling good day, the scale moved down a bit more. 78 pounds lost! 2.6 pounds to go to get to my initial goal.

Stats for 11/16/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 178.6 (78 pounds lost!)
Total miles walked in 2011: 889/1000

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Words I haven't heard in years and years

I don't know how many years it's been, but I want to say at least a decade - maybe longer. Whatever length of time it is, it's been a really, really, really long time.

Well, I shouldn't say I haven't heard them. I just haven't heard them from him - my husband. So what did he say? He said I looked beautiful.

We were in the car, driving back from Ethical Society this past Sunday and he looked over, got a very loving look on his face and said with all sincerity, "You look really beautiful today." I don't think I'll ever forget that look or those words. I'll forget the date, but nothing more.

My husband isn't big on gifts or compliments and he won't give compliments just to compliment. He has to really mean them as he's really honest. Now, that doesn't mean he's mean. He doesn't put me (or anyone else for that matter) down, but he won't tell white lies. If I ask him if I look alright, he'll say "that dress is pretty." Or, "You look nice", but he won't say more if he doesn't feel more. So, hearing I looked beautiful to him was shocking first of all and secondly, I really felt it. I guess that hearing it so rarely does make it special... though I could stand to get compliments a bit more often!

I've never felt like a beautiful woman. I have some nice features, but the word beautiful to me is referred to something extraordinary and that doesn't include me. I would say I'm "pretty" (boy, even that is hard for me to say), but beautiful? Heidi Klum is beautiful.... but I'm glad my husband finds me beautiful. I guess that's all that matters!

And, to make me feel even better, the scale is still going down. I'm getting close people!!!

Stats for 11/15/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 178.2 (77.4 pounds lost)
Total miles walked in 2011: 889/1000

Monday, November 14, 2011

Well, I guess it wasn't a blip - another new low!

I was shocked when I stepped on the scale this morning and saw 178.6. I didn't weigh myself accurately last night as I was too cold, so it was a very pleasant surprise to see an even lower number today than yesterday.

I am totally confused about my cycle though. I 'should' be ovulating tomorrow, but signs are that it either stopped and will be delayed or it has already passed. I guess we'll see. At least the scale is on the way down now though. That makes me VERY happy.

I was going to do a spinning class today, but those mounds of leaves in the yard are beckoning me and since it's a gorgeous day, I need to go do it - as much as I dislike doing it. I think if housework and yard work were more team stuff, then I would be all over it, but this doing things by myself stuff or having to get after a kid every five seconds just doesn't do it for me. I would rather go solo than be yelling at a teen.

Ok... gotta get to it. Exercise is exercise and raking leaves is definitely exercise.

Stats for 11/14/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 178.6 (77 pounds gone!)

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Probably just a blip, but I'm happy!

When I went to bed last night, I did what I always do - I weighed myself before going to bed. I saw 180.8. What??? That's the same I weighed in the morning and I knew that meant I would be out of the 180s this morning. And sure enough I saw 179.0 today.

I'm a bit puzzled by it as I had a hard workout yesterday and sodium was a tad high and I know ovulation is coming soon, but I'll take it! It will probably be gone tomorrow as the water weight keeps piling on before ovulation, but to even see the 170s after such a long struggle between 180-185 feels HUGE. It's a preview of what's to come.  Yay me!

And yes the workout yesterday was really hard - like tough! This big muscle man was leading bodypump and he didn't give rests in the routine like they usually do. Like, if a song is 5 minutes long, they usually have us go for 4 minutes, give a 10 second break and then push for the last minute. Not this guy. He had his own 'formula' and we did a lot more slow reps and no breaks. By the end I was so spent I couldn't do all the abs work. My body said "Nope!"

Today is a busy day today and at most I'll get in a walk. But that's OK. I have lots more to do this week that will keep my body guessing.

Ok, I'm off on this busy day!

Stats for 11/13/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 179.0
Total miles walked in 2011: 879/1000

Saturday, November 12, 2011

I can't persuade my body...

...that it doesn't need to gain weight before ovulation. Doesn't seem to matter how good I am and how much I am careful. I will gain before ovulation. The good news is that it seems my cycle is back to a normal month, not a super long one long like the past two months. But that also means I truly have a stallout with a long slow gain as I approach ovulation. I again was this close to getting out of the 180s and then the hormones started messing with me again.

Good news is that all is good with my eating and with exercising. Yesterday I did bodystep and getting good sleep made all the difference between a good class and a torturous one. I really pushed myself and even did more of the high impact stuff and when I could compare myself to others in the classroom - you know what? I look strong and able!

Today I'm doing bodypump and I'm looking forward to it. And I've decided my body can only handle that class twice a week and stepping twice a week. I'll supplement with zumba and spinning on other days.

So, off I go - weighing a bit more every day as ovulation approaches.

Stats for 11/12/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 180.8
Total miles walked in 2011: 875/1000

Friday, November 11, 2011

This rest of my life business

While I haven't found the eating I've had to do extremely difficult, I've also been on a mission. I knew I had to get my health sorted out. I knew I needed to get more fit. I knew that I needed to drop this weight. So, I'm doing what I need to do to accomplish all that.

But it's one thing to pass up treats and goodies for a few months or a year, but it's quite another to say "the rest of my life". And that is basically is what I'm having to do. This past month also showed me how little I can go over calories or how few days I can skip exercising without seeing gains on the scale. Last month (actually last 6 weeks) were a complete standstill for me. I didn't gain I didn't lose. I wasn't exercising much and I was eating on average about 1580 calories a day. That isn't much! Is that my tipping point of gaining and maintaining? That few calories?

And to show how fast those calories add up, yesterday I ate 1480 calories and this is what I ate:

Morning: 1 slim jim and 2 pieces of string cheese: 220 calories
Lunch: one honeycrisp apples with cinnamon and 4 tablespoons of natural peanut butter: 470 calories
Dinner: 2 bowls corn chowder, 6 ounces turkey breast, 1/4 cup of candied sweet potatoes, 1 tablespoon of cranberry sauce and 1.5 cups of kale: 790 calories.

No snacks, no desserts, no sweetened drinks. What was different yesterday was that I was in a hurry for breakfast, so it was my "grab something fast with lots of protein" breakfast. Lunch was late and I was so hungry that I ate an extra tablespoon of peanut butter, but dinner higher carb than usually, but not huge. I could eat more if I was eating a huge salad, but I'm not into salads in colder months.

I see that eating yesterday and I see how easy it would be to eat too much - just one slice of pie for dessert would take me over. Having a sandwich in addition to the apple with peanut butter would do it. An extra 100-300 calories a day could lead to 1-3 pounds a month.

Now, exercise is the key here. I didn't exercise yesterday (crashed early to bed instead). But, with adding in one hour of exercise affords those extra 300 calories a day and since exercising doesn't make me hungry, I would feel like I am eating more substantially too. I don't want to feel deprived for the rest of my life.

I mentioned this to my husband the other day and he said, "you know my grandmother always said 'You should never eat until you are full. You should stop when you still feel a bit of hunger.'" And there is truth in that, but not that long ago and most of human's existence and still true for much of the world, we stayed hungry because of the lack of available food. Our minds/bodies didn't deal with surplus very often and when it did, we ate more and then we stored it as fat to be used at times of less food so we wouldn't die. Now here in America and other prosperous nations we have too much food and we have to learn to stop before we are full, but try telling that to your head every single day - every day. It's hard.  And that is what worries me about maintenance.

Will I have the motivation to keep turning away food indefinitely? Will I be able to say no to all the little treats forever? At least I have that fear of high blood pressure and diabetes to keep me in check. Without that, I don't know if I would have the mental power to say "no". And who knows, maybe in 5-10 years I won't be able to control these things by diet alone and then what will keep me good?

I know myself - I can keep motivation for long periods of time. I can get excited about something and sustain it for awhile, but just like when you fall in love, you don't keep that 'in love' feeling forever. It fades. And I'm worried about what happens when I've hit my weight goal and I've gotten my health in check, how will keep that drive to keep doing it - daily. I'm stubborn and competitive too... maybe not wanting to be one of the statistics will help with that too! I want to be in that 1-2% who keep it off!!!

Stats for 11/11/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 180.6

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Sizes are a bit odd

I'm noticing as I get smaller it takes less to go from one size to another. Meaning, I need to lose less inches to drop a size. For instance, I took my measurements today (finally) and there is no change from October first to now. I am 41-33-42 with 14" upper arms and 24" upper thighs. Yet, when I go to try on clothes, more and more 12s are beginning to be a tiny bit loose, so I try on the 10s and the 10s fit but just a tiny bit snug. I can even squeeze into a few 8s in a few brands/cuts.

I'm discovering what brands tend to run big - Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein are roomy, so in those brands I'm firmly in size 10s, but I can still wear their size 12s. Now, when I wore 20s and 18s and even 16s  I couldn't squeeze into the next size down until the current size was quite loose. Not so with these lower sizes - the differences in sizes get smaller I think. And others have noted this as well. So, I used to think I would end up in a size 12, but that was before I realized vanity sizing had struck again since my last weight loss effort. Then I thought it might be a size 10, but if I'm already getting into size 10s and I know I have another 15 pounds to go, then I'll be in 8s. Which would probably be 12s in 'the old days' of my teens.... but even that seems odd... Oh, but I was wearing juniors then and juniors are cut smaller (and run on odd sizes). So, yes, I guess that's about right.

Of course, in some brands I can't even fit into 12s, but those are more teeny bopper fashions versus the classics which I tend to be drawn to.  But again it makes me wonder what the heck the super skinny girls are wearing for sizes. Dropping to girls sizes I hear, but who wants to wear girl's sizes and fashions... though yes, girl's fashions are too sexy as it is.

I was supposed to go to the gym this evening, but my younger son was really into his homework and it got too late to get to the class. Though, I will jump around in the basement tonight. I actually WANT to do it! I'll do some strength training as tomorrow I'm doing cardio. Kathy Smith and I have a date!

I feel better today because I put my foot down and insisted on getting to bed on time. My husband and older son are such night owls that I find my going to sleep time getting pushed farther and farther back and then I get more and more tired which is never a good combination for me.

Scale is doing it's normal stall out for me. I can I feel a bit reassured that all is status quo, but man it would be nice to drop a few pounds to at least get out of the 180s!

Stats for 11/10/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 180.4

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Some days of exercise are just plain hard

I could tell today that it would be a tough workout. I was tired this morning. But, I'm determined. I must get to the gym and I must work out. And yes, every single minute of the step routine was difficult. There are 11 songs and through each one I would just cross it out mentally in my head. Going, 'just 5 more', "just 3 more" and so on.  I was hoping that once I got started I would burst through that barrier of drudgery, but I didn't.

Sure I felt good later and I was proud of myself for going, but just a week ago - that same routine, after not exercising for 3 weeks, felt easy. Today it felt horribly hard. What is up with that? Am I pushing too hard? I'm only exercising an hour a day. I'm not under eating, so why? I wish I could figure it out! I don't understand how it can vary so much from day to day, but man I hate the hard days. Makes me want to never exercise again when it's hard like that - when you never reach that high from it.

Now to figure out what exercise to do tomorrow. I think I'm going to try Zumba Toning and see how I like that.

Stats for 11/9/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 180.2
Total miles walked in 2011: 871/1000

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Zeroing in on my initial goal

I have 32 days until my birthday and I have 5.2 pounds to get to my initial goal. That is the lofty goal I set for myself the end of last year and I'm this close to getting there. Since it is attainable, since I'm feeling so much better with the neck and more energetic as my thyroid gets more regulated, I am ultra motivated to get to my goal. I can do this and there is no reason why I can't get there if I stay healthy and injury free!

Yesterday I did bodystep and it felt great. I had a spot in front of the mirror in class yesterday - I'm not usually able to do that - not that I like to do that and I get such mixed signals when I see myself in the mirror. First, I see someone who is getting fit. I see muscle definition. I see during movements that I look like everyone else in the class as far as being able to keep up (save the jumping which I don't do). But I also see my loose skin and the existing roll of tummy blubber which appears when I lean to the side or forward. Now, some of that is loose skin, some of it is fat. Anyway, I hate seeing the imperfections. Scars/memories of where I have been.

But I also notice that the skin is slowly shrinking up. I doubt it will ever get totally absorbed back in, but it's definitely getting better. My stomach loose skin is pulling up, same with under the arms and my inner thighs. My husband agrees too - it's getting better (not that he's bothered by that - that is my hangup alone).

The other thing that kind of makes me laugh is that when I started this journey, my husband weighed about 190ish. My mother in law weighed about 178. I weighed 255.6. My husband started losing weight starting late winter and now weighs 170. So, I haven't caught up with him (yet and may never). My mother in law has been sick a couple times - she had a diverticulitis attack and couldn't eat and then had a long lasting allergic reaction in her mouth and couldn't eat. She now weighs 160. I was so close to getting to her weight and then she lost almost 20 in two months from being sick! I just have to laugh... I'm glad my husband is getting fitter and trimmer for his health, so I don't begrudge him that and I'm sorry my mother in law had to get sick to lose weight (her usual weight loss method), but will I ever STOP being the heaviest person in this family? Probably not.

On an up note, I tried on my husband's jeans yesterday. He warned me that they probably wouldn't fit over my thighs as they are tight on his thighs, but guess what? The slid over my thighs and I can button them! They are way tight, but I can squeeze into them! And they are a 32" waist. Woohoo!!!! Even my husband was surprised.

Plan for today is to do a strength training class, to walk to get my son from school and to work in the yard. I am reallllllllllly pushing this month to make a final push to get to my initial goal. I am so close and I've been at a standstill for over a month and I hate that! Time to move forward!

Stats for 11/8/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 180.2
Total miles walked in 2011: 862/1000

Monday, November 7, 2011

So busy yesterday, but a great day.

You would think with the extra hour given to us with Daylight savings, I would have more time in the day, but I didn't. I was just glad to have that hour to put to use!

Started at 7 am and having breakfast and showering and getting the clan out of the house by 9:30 am. Hubby needed to sort through some books and we had to load up both our cars to drive to Virginia. We had that much to do.

Then I taught Sunday school and dealt with a silent auction and then went to a meeting. After the meeting, we loaded the car back up and then went to the used bookstore to sell back used book from a charity book sale. Spent about 2 hours there.

Then we drove home, fed the kids, changed and got ready for my belated anniversary date with my husband. Drove about 45 minutes to get there, had a fabulous dinner (and I mean fabulous dinner) and then came home. We landed about 10:30 pm.

Shooed the older son off to bed and then winded down in bed talking with my spousal unit. Turned off the light at 11:30 pm and was exhausted. No way to write in the blog - at all.

It was all good though. While yesterday I was over in calories, it wasn't by huge amounts and it was well worth it. A splurge once in awhile is fine and I have to get used to planning such things every once in awhile.

It felt good to be able to wear a form fitting dress and to have no rolls of fat anywhere. While I'm definitely not at goal yet, I can look really nice! Hubby agrees and I love that he is enjoying the new thinner Melissa too.

I did bodypump on Saturday with my husband and oh boy am I still feeling it in my quads - wowzers! But, off to do bodystep today. I am focused to get to goal by my birthday and I only have a bit over a month to get there!!! And of course I had a gain on the scale with going out to eat! Eek! I must FOCUS on getting to goal!

Stats for 11/7/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 182.0
Total miles walked in 2011: 857/1000

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Feelings about weeding through my clothes

My bedroom has looked like an explosion has gone off in it for months. In the closet and drawers are all my old clothes and on top of the long dresser and end table are all my new clothes in my current size. I finally found the motivation to sort through the old stuff - well, at least making an initial step of going through it all. I still have to write it all down for charity so we can get a tax receipt.

Much of the stuff is worn out mom clothes - stained shirts, pants with missing buttons or seams that were pulling apart - nothing to really think about it with getting rid of. Some of it is decent stuff, but I don't have any real attachment to it. Then there are the silly sweatshirts from universities I used to work for. They are all huge. There is no way I could wear them now and not like I wore them much anyway, but it is a bit sad to get rid of them - but space in the drawers would be much appreciated!

Then there were the things that I loved and bought when I was much heavier. None of them are worth altering, but it was a bit sad as I remember the special occasion they were bought for and I felt so special in it... Of course, those things look huge now, but still, it's an era gone by.

Then there were some things I weeded out - all those saved items from when I lost weight before - I never got to wear them again. I am now smaller than all of those clothes and I got to the size of those clothes at a different time of year from when I was able to wear them before, so I never even got to wear them. How's that for ironic? Saved to be used again when I got thinner - saved for 14 years and then when I get to that size, it's the wrong season and then I get too small for them. Huh...

And then there were the clothes I felt bad about. I wore then for a month or maybe two - all my summer workout clothes (the bottoms) are too big. I was so excited to get to that size and then I passed them up by the end of the summer. Now, I didn't spend a fortune on these items and many were even from Goodwill, but still, it feels a bit wasteful to give away clothes after wearing them for one season only.

In the end, I had this huge pile on the bed of items that no longer fit. They filled four laundry baskets - heaping way over. There were sizes 20, 18, 16,  and 14 and even a couple very large size 12s. Most of it was size 20s and 2X shirts as that's the size I was forever, but there were all those inbetween sizes too.  I even tried with a couple shirts and sweaters to see if there was any way to wear them but a 2X hangs on me when many of my sweaters are now size Large and even a few mediums.

And then, of course, there is that little worry in the back of my head - what if I don't keep this weight off... but it was only a little worry. Gaining the weight really isn't an option. I have to stay fit and keep this weight off.

Speaking of staying fit, I did bodypump today. I was a bit worried for my neck, but I paid very close attention to my form and my neck feels fine - thank goodness. I was also a bit worried that the weights would feel too heavy, but I kept the same weight on the bar as when I last did body pump 3 weeks ago and I was able to do it - was a bit tougher and had to skip a couple reps, but not many and I know next time I'll be able to do them all like before. It felt good to be back in class too as I really do love strength training. I also took a walk later in the day on this gorgeous fall day.

It's been a lovely fall day!

Stats for 11/5/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 180.8
Total number of hours walked: 857/1000

Friday, November 4, 2011

Pumpkin patch in 2010 and 2011 - photo comparisons

I've posted several pictures from the pumpkin patch in my before photos in previous posts, but I'm putting them here to show side by side comparisons to now. In late October 2010 I weighed somewhere around 255 - maybe a bit more (definitely not less). This was already a recent 10 pound weight loss with our move and remodeling (being more active). And it was still another ten pounds from my all time high. So yes, I was even 20 pounds bigger once upon a time.

In these before photos I was wearing a size 20, but was actually able to wear a tight 18 by then with the recent weight loss, but I hadn't gotten any 18s yet. And, I have saved these size 20 jeans for my "never forget" before pants. I will take a photo in them when I hit goal (which I really hope will be soon).

The 2011 photos are of me around 180 give or take a couple pounds, so a 75 pounds difference. I can still see the work I still have to do, but my sweet husband said to me, "in some of these photos you look like you don't even need to lose more and really you don't. You just need to work at staying fit and healthy." He's so sweet - this is coming from a man who is thin and just lost 20 plus pounds himself to be at a weight he likes better for himself, yet he doesn't expect body perfection from me - he just wants a healthy and active wife. That I can do for him and for me! That's what this whole journey has been all about. Yes, I am still working on losing at least the last 5-10 pounds and would love to lose another 10, but I can also be happy with where I am in all aspects - fitness, health and my appearance.

OK, onto the comparisons. I'll start with this one. My husband wanted to take some similar photos from last year and this year to show me the difference (as he knows I sometimes have a hard time with seeing my progress). Well, the difference is undeniable:

Then there is this picture in the pumpkin patch. He was being funny last year with how I was holding the pumpkins, so we recreated the scene:

And then these are more just to show the differences in my shape:

There are other difference as well - I had gotten my hair cut about a month after going to the patch last year, but also I've lost about a 1/3 of my hair since then (and had already lost a lot of it before - which was one of the reasons I cut my hair). Hopefully, once my thyroid is regulated better, my hair will grow back in.

So, there you have it - 2010 and 2011 at the pumpkin patch.

My workout for today will be as it was yesterday - working at cleaning up the yard!

Stats for 11/4/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 182.6

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Beautiful fall days

I was scheduled to go to the gym today, but with looking outside and seeing what gorgeousness was awaiting me, I decided not to go to the gym. What else was staring at me from outside were all the dead annuals in the ground and in pots as well as the mounds of leaves in the back yard. So, I canceled the one hour weights class to do 3 plus hours of yard work and boy, let me tell you, that yard work was much more of a workout than that weights class would have been and I still have so much to do!

It was the month I spent in the garden that I lost the most weight this spring too. Time flies when you are working outside in a pleasant environment. Plus, when I'm working on a task, I just want to finish it. I don't like to leave it to come back to. It's starting a project that is hard, not sticking with one or finishing it. But, it was impossible to finish it all today - so workout tomorrow will also be working in the yard.

This evening I was finally sorting through some pictures taken at the pumpkin patch about 2 weeks ago. I compared them to a year ago and wow - what a difference. While I might feel I'm still struggling now with losing the last few, the pictures give me a better perspective. The change is pretty huge for one year. So, tomorrow I will share those photos with you all - side by sides if I can manage it. These aren't my "end" pictures, but they are snapshots of me in the same environment exactly one year apart - 2010 and 2011. I can't wait to do a Christmas 'redo' too. Those pictures from last year haunt me.

But now, sleep! Yard work has worn me out!

Stats for 11/3/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 182.6
Total miles walked in 2011: 852/1000

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Those darn female hormones!

While I hate it when someone is vulgar and says, "What's your problem? Are you on the rag?" or "Geez, are you PMSing or what?" but, to be honest, there is truth in the fact that many women, myself included get overly emotional, overly sensitive and crabby when those female hormones are circulating strongly in our system around the time of our menstrual periods. Sorry male readers, but most of you are probably married to women and have daughters to know what I'm saying is true.

So, yesterday I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride. I felt great in the morning and midday, eh in the early evening and downright foul by evening and was just shy of weepy by the time I went to bed. While I knew why I was feeling so emotional, knowing why doesn't give me the power to stop feeling emotional. I can say in my head, "Melissa, it's just your hormones, you aren't really sad." or "Melissa, no it's not that hard to stick to this diet. You just feel like crap, so you want to eat crap, but you really don't want to and will be mad at yourself if you do!"

I'm not usually hungry in the evenings, but yesterday, all freaking day I was hungry and I wanted sweets and it's probably because I allowed myself some sweets the day before so the last thing I should have done yesterday is to succumb to the sweet tooth monster (and it really is a monster). That's the problem with carbs. They are addictive and if I allow them in my diet, I just want more. So, the best idea is to eat them rarely and in small doses because then I have the cravings and it's almost like a withdrawal from sweets when I try to get away from them.

I did stay away from them yesterday and I will today - despite there being super yummy pumpkin spice cookies in the house and despite making homemade mini apple pies later today and homemade bread today. I will stick with a very low carb day today and I'm fitting in exercise class today and hopefully, that sweet tooth monster will go away.

Down 1.4 on the scale today, so not giving in to the sweet tooth monster allowed some of the water weight to come off. Wish me luck at the gym today. I'm nervous about how tired I might get, but I'm looking forward to the class.

Stats for 11/2/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 182.6
Total miles walked in 2011: 834/1000

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I honestly did try to post yesterday

But, there was a blogger error and it wouldn't go through. Being tired after a long day, I just said, "eh" and moved on.

So... It's November and this is the month I'm pushing myself to get to my goal. I want to be there by my birthday in December and if I get there before then, it will give me some buffer. And then I'll see how much further I can go without killing myself at the gym or restricting too much in my diet.

October ended for me with a 1.2 pounds gain as I'm holding water for my monthly cycle. The good news for that is that there is NO REASON I shouldn't lose a bunch of weight this month as I know at least 3 pounds of it is water!

And, I started up with the exercise again and so far so good. I took a brisk 2 mile walk today and it felt great and this evening I'm going to do a weights/toning routine at home. Tomorrow I do step. I'm committed to exercising 5-6 days a week this month so I can get to my goal. Exercise is what makes the difference from losing and not losing and I want to lose!!!!

Yesterday was Halloween and I stumbled a bit - had 4 candies and 3 cookies. Didn't eat much for meals yesterday, but subbing junk for real food isn't exactly something I should repeat. But, if that's ALL I did for Halloween, that's pretty darn good as I've been known to eat whole bags of candy all by myself!

As promised, here are Halloween photos. The jeans were too big (pinned in 3 or so inches and the shirt is too big too, but that's a first for me! We had fun!

Next year I want to go as this:

Well, OK, not the Disney version of the Queen of Hearts, but Tim Burton's Version:

Oooo or better, perhaps Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas and my husband can be Jack Skellington. I lurve that movie (we have decorations for it too):

Oooo, if I got to goal weight, I could rock Sally! There are lots of great ideas online for making their costumes too. That would be fun and much simpler to do.... Ooooo... yep, Jack and Sally for next year!!!

And, today is supposed to be measuring day. I started to do it, but got depressed with seeing larger numbers, so I decided to wait - at least until this water weight leaves me. It's supposed to motivate me, not discourage me, so give me a few days to shed some water and then I'll update measurements too.

Stats for 11/1/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 184.0
Total miles walked in 2011: 834/1000