Once upon a time, my goal was to get thin. My goal was to be more attractive to my husband. My goal was to be able to wear normal sized clothes. My goal was to feel beautiful in my own skin. Now, I am a smart woman and wasn't going to do things in a stupid way to get to a thinner body. I knew it was a combination of eating less and exercising, but becoming fit was a secondary priority. Now with that effort, I couldn't make it, gained it all back and went into a self-loathing stage. Though I still tried to look my best when I went out, did important things. I just knew I never succeeded.
This time, my 'looks' are not the priority. Now, of course, It will be a nice side benefit! I'm enjoying seeing my face re-emerging out from under the fat. I'm enjoying feeling my hip bones again (still under some fat, but less of it!) and I'm liking what I see in the mirror. But, that is a side benefit now. Now the bigger benefit is seeing my health improve with the loss of weight and the increased fitness.
Yesterday, while I was waiting for the commercials to end on the workout video, I noticed my resting heart rate is now 60 beats per minute. 4 months ago it was 85. My blood pressure is coming down. I'm now taking 20 mg instead of the 40 mg I started with. I don't know what my blood sugars are yet, but since I don't get the shakes any more and don't crave carbs, I'm going to assume it's doing fine too. So, this time I'm looking for the health effects first.
Now, my mother in law is a doctor and she's been thin most of her life. Coming to the US she put on some weight, but she is not a heavy woman. Just heavy for her. Her top weight is my goal weight. She is also someone who tries to avoid medicines and she got quite upset that she became allergic to her blood pressure medicines and now needs four medications to control her blood pressure instead of the two she needed before. She won't take things for headaches and so on (though she will take a sleeping pill if she's stressed and can't sleep).
She knows my blood pressure was through the roof. She knows my blood sugars are high and she knows my thyroid is under active. I'm only 41 years old. You would think that she would encourage me to do what I need to do to get off as much medication as possible, naturally, and to lose the weight for my health.
No. That is not what she feels. For her, life is about looks and she's afraid if I lose too much weight, I'll look older with baggy skin on my face. She has told me a couple times now that I look fine, I don't need to lose more and that I look perfect. I weigh 225 lbs. Unless I'm 6 foot 5 inches tall, there is no way that is perfect.
But then, she's never had to do anything to improve her health. She does try to walk some as she worries about the strength of her legs, but with her blood pressure, she still drinks coffee. Her thoughts are, "Oh, it's just one coffee." Her blood sugars are borderline high, but she still eats tons of carbs and sweets. For her, the change isn't worth it. And, you know, at 75 it might not be worth it to me either. Different story at 41 years old.
I have to laugh though as she has always been critical of my weight. I was about 190 lbs when I met and married my husband. I was 'fat' to her then. But at 225 I'm now perfect? OK... good thing I don't heed her advise on about anything.
Stats for 4/5/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6 Now 225.4 ( a bit over 30 lbs lost)
Exercise total hours/minutes in 2011: 87 hours 30 minutes
Walking total in 2011: 289/1000
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