Friday, September 2, 2011

Can't let a day go by, but not feeling it today

My head is not in the game today. My son is still sick, but is getting better now that we know he has pneumonia and is getting treated for it. Sleep is still way out of whack, I'm stir crazy, bored and exhausted.

But... I'm not over eating. Not getting enough exercise, but at least not diving into the food.

To add to the day, I just found out that my paternal grandmother is dying. And despite not really knowing this grandmother in my adulthood, it's still sad. Sad that I didn't have the kind of relationship I would want to have with a grandmother, but more sad that an entire generation is disappearing. She was 88 years old, so she lived a long life, but it was a hard life. She lived through the depression in a shack shared with your 9 younger siblings. When her father left, she felt she was burdening the family, so she got married as soon as she finished school and started having babies. Her first baby was stillborn at term. Her second son suffered forceps delivery damage - severe brain damage and he died when he was very young. Then she had a girl and then three more boys. Her marriage was difficult and they were poor. I don't know much of her story and I didn't understand her as a person as she was a very odd person - kind of stuck in time too. But in her later years she saw my father die and her daughter die. In the end, she's only survived by 2 of her 6 children and one of the remaining almost died last week and needed heart surgery.

So, I sit here and I feel a bit deflated. I'm very tired both physically and emotionally. I have such a great life - I really, really do. I have no complaints... just some days are hard. Simple as that.

I look and I think of my grandmother who lived to be 88. 88.. that's a great age. More than double what my father lived.  She had my father, the youngest of the 6 when she was 27 years old. Yes.... her 6th child. He died when he was 42 years old, almost 20 years ago. It makes me think...

Stats for 9/2/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 190.6
Exercise total hours in 2011: 257
Total miles walked in 2011: 737/1000

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