Monday, December 12, 2011

A fairly significant conversation could be TMI for some

My husband is having to figure out our medical expenses for next year to decide what dental, eye and primary care plans we should go with. He also needs to decide how much to have withheld pretaxes for medical expenses too. So, he is figuring out things like, will we need new glasses? Do we anticipate any major dental, etcetera. He started talking about major medical too, like our youngest son needs hernia surgery, but then he surprised me. He said, "And well, I should probably think about finally getting that vasectomy."

I laughed at him. Our youngest son is 6.5 years old. I am 42 years old. He had allllllll this time to get it done. And, it took us 2.5 years to conceive that child when we were trying to get pregnant. And since then we are always, always, always careful. He said, "Well, I know it seems sort of odd to think about it now when I've waited all this time, but since our sex life has picked up quite a bit, the risks have too." Though he admits the risks a very small considering we arer careful.

But, things have changed for us romantically. While my husband never, ever said anything negative about how I looked or anything about my weight, I knew how he felt about it and I knew it affected his attraction to me. I just underestimated how much it bothered him.

Not only has our sex lives improved, he has said "I love you" three times in the last couple months when I hadn't heard it for years and years before that. And, he is less stressed and just more pleasant to be around.

Now, he has always been good to me, but my weight bothered him on so many levels. It affected his attraction for me, but more, it worried him about our future. Recently we were talking and I said that having a 5 year old and a teenager was a big motivator for me to get my health in order. He replied, "well, and you had a young husband too." he worried about losing me.

He had to just stand by and watch me destroy my health all these years - making bad food choices, being inactive. He knew I would snap at him if he said anything and so what could he do? I feel really bad about that.... But I felt helpless about it too.

And I am so thankful that I have a supportive husband who is making it easy for me to make the right decisions. He never asks for junk food. He loves healthy foods. He never chows down on crap. He will grab a piece of fruit. And he likes to be active and loves that we can be active together now. I am very lucky in that way.

It is true some people will say, "but he should love you no matter what size or shape." and he did love me. But what has changed is that now he feels more loved. By me taking care of myself, I am showing my partner that I care about him and our future. I get that and from now I will always keep that in mind. We have something pretty special and I want to keep that something for a long time.

Stats for 12/12/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 173.8

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