Sunday, October 9, 2011

Tried something on today...

something that I thought I would never be able to wear again. I was rummaging through my closet looking for a particular dress (turns out it's in the laundry) and ran across my grandmother's navy blue dress suit. I don't know what era it's from, but I would guess early 60s? Late 50s? Not sure. It was something that she saved in her closet even though it was way too small for her, so it must have been special. Then again, she saved every parkay container and baggie she ever used to keep "just in case".

When she died, a few months before my 16th birthday, it was quite sudden and unexpected. It was August and there wasn't much time to get things in order and that included getting things to wear. I didn't have mourning clothes or even anything remotely appropriate for a funeral, but my mom found this dress suit in grandma's closet and thought it might work.

I don't recall details about how it fit. I do know I wasn't done growing yet. I grew about another inch (maybe more) after that time and I definitely gained weight after then, but the outfit worked enough for the funeral. I think the skirt had to be pinned in to fit.

Again, I cannot recall exactly when I got too heavy for the dress suit either. It wasn't something I would wear on normal occasions, but I do know I was too big for it during my college years. I remember the arms especially being really tight. I don't think I ever wore it again after my grandma's funeral, but I've kept it. I've kept it with all my moves in college (and there were tons and tons of moves in college), with all the moves my husband and I have made (9 homes) and all the while, I haven't been able to fit it - not even close. To put it in perspective about my keeping it, I think there is maybe one box. One small box of things that I have kept from before college and college. There was a box of some other things, but they got lost in a move (makes me sad remembering that). So, this is one of the things I kept and not in a box, but always in my closet.

So, today I pulled it out and looked at it. Would it fit? Would it still be too small? I really didn't know. Imagine the shock I felt when I pulled on the skirt and realized it's a size too big. Wearable, but a bit big. Then imagine my bigger surprise when my arm slid right into the sleeve and when I did up the shirt, I realized the bust and waist are huge on me. This dress suit doesn't fit! And not because I'm too fat, as I have been for 20 years, but because I've gotten too small for it! I cannot even begin to share with you the shock of that. I really never thought I would be able to wear it again. And while yes, it's true, I can't wear it now either, but for a totally opposite reason. That is so weird. And so wonderful too.

I know I have one more item in my small box of keepsakes from high school. I'm almost afraid to get get it. I'm afraid I'll be sad that it's still way too tight. I felt huge when I wore that skirt in high school, so to be too big for it would make me feel huge, no matter my progress now. Oh, and I do have one item from 9th grade too. We had to make our own cheerleading skirts. Mine was awful because my great aunt made it for me and did the pleating wrong and chose the wrong color of red (too bright). Gee, how I can still recall being a bit embarrassed by it. That skirt I know I will never, ever be able to wear again. I was still growing a lot in 9th grade and filling out, so to not be able to fit that skirt is OK. I was a late bloomer and can expect it wouldn't fit no matter how thin I were to get now.

OK, maybe I'll go check that box (if I am even remembering correctly that it is in that box!) to see if that skirt fits. And so what if a skirt from when I was 17/18 doesn't fit, right?

Editing to add: couldn't find my cheerleading skirt, but found the other skirt. There is no way I'll ever fit into that again - no way. I call it a success I could even pull the skirt up and over my thighs and up to my waist, but I would need to lose about 3-5" on my waist to fit that thing. Um, no... that is not happening and probably not possible. It didn't make me feel sad. It just made me laugh. Maturity and perspective helps!

Stats for 10/9/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6  Now: 181.0
Exercise total hours in 2011: 277.5
Total miles walked in 2011: 817/1000

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