Friday, April 20, 2012

Still healing and coming to terms with my weight

Little by little I'm feeling the stiffness in my neck going away. It's still there and worse in the morning when I wake up, but it's almost healed up. I think I'll give it this weekend to heal as we have a really busy weekend ahead of us. The shoulder is probably more iffy, but that would only exclude mowing and strength training. I should be able to walk/run and do step aerobics with a bum shoulder if I skip planks and mountain climbers, etc.  So, that, at least, is all good.

But this morning while getting dressed, I gave myself a really good look. My husband was standing there beside me getting ready too. I said, "You know, I don't think I have that much left." My husband said, "No, you don't. You're at a healthy weight now. If you want to lose a bit more you can, but it's going to be slow going from here. You're at a point like me - sure more can be lost, but it will be vanity pounds." He went on to say that a lot of what I see as fat is loose skin and not really fat and that I just need to give that more time.

And I see he is right. So, I think I will just keep working on getting more fit. Staying active and trying to turn fat in to muscle, but I will worry less and less about the scale. I do want to get a few more pounds down, but I'm not sure how much further I want to go.

Yesterday when I was at the doctor's office, he didn't say, "try to lose a few pounds to lower your blood pressure". He did the first time around. But then my doctor isn't very good, so who knows.

I'm just at this point where it's hard to know where to stop. I'm definitely not in danger of being too thin. I definitely can lose more. But, I'm also at a point where I'm at a healthy weight for my height and frame size. And I'm having to wrap my head around that a bit. And that is hard to do.

It's hard because of the vast differences between other people's weight. The vast difference between my husband's frame and mine. My husband who is more honest than I would like sometimes thinks that my weight is healthy. Yet, I weigh just 7 pounds less than him and he's nearly 7 inches taller. He is leaner than me. We both know that too. So it gets confusing.

It's hard when I see other people my height wanting to weigh so much less than I currently weigh. And I see people my height weighing 20-30 pounds less than I weigh and I wonder, "am I making up excuses to not lose more?" I think that's where I'm getting hung up. Right there - is this an excuse to quit where I'm at?

So, I guess what I'm going to do is to keep doing what I'm doing. Keep eating as I'm eating and keep pushing with exercise as I'm doing and see where I end up and try not to get as frustrated with the scale as well, maybe the scale isn't going to give up much more without me really dipping low into calories or exercising like mad. If I can't lose any more eating 1400-1500 calories a day and exercising 5 hours a week, then that's it. I'll call it 'over'.  But maybe it will still go down little by little until I stabilize - maybe this isn't 'over' but just a resting spot for now.

It's just so hard to know - especially with saggy, loose skin. I'm not 'tight'. And the scale is still high. It's just not easy to know.

Stats for 4/20/12:

Highest weight: 275 Now: 168.6

1 comment:

  1. That's a solid plan - it isn't worth losing down to some ideal level if your life or body isn't comfortable doing the work to maintain it. To that end, I think once someone is in the healthy range for their body it is a matter of preference. I struggle with the same - I know I have another 20-30 to lose, and yet the end of the journey and into permanent maintenance is fuzzy at best. Finding a calorie level and activity level you like and seeing where that has you land on the scale is perfectly fine!