Wednesday, April 4, 2012

I'm discouraged and wondering, "Why am I pushing for more?"

For the second day in a row the scale says 174. That is up 6 pounds from 2 weeks ago. In that time I have been mostly on plan and 'supposedly' never ate over maintenance calories and mostly ate under maintenance calories.

For this month I saw zero loss on measurements - which has only happened a couple times this whole journey and that happened during times I was more off plan AND slacking with exercise. And my big 'indulgence" was eating some frosting while making a cake and then for 2 days eating a single slice of cake? I mean, really? 6 pounds because of that?

Yes, I know.... it's mostly water. Yes, I know, ovulation just happened and that's when I gain weight the most, but seriously. I am right about back to where I was at 175. What is it with that number? it's like my body wants to be stuck at that number forever!  I had gotten out of the 170s for more than a week, so why?

And why am I pushing myself more? I'm healthy now. I look good in clothes. Why am I torturing myself over a few more pounds that seem so elusive?

But then what happens if I decide not to push myself harder? If I gained 6 pounds of water or fat or pee or poo - fact is, the scale is up 6 pounds with trying to stay on plan. Which makes me wonder, "is this really how I will have to be the rest of my life to keep the weight off? Must I really never eat more than 1500 calories in a day and exercise 5 times a week for an hour just to keep at 175?" Really???? That idea frightens me quite a bit. That is not a lot of food and it's a lot of activity.

My food yesterday came to just at 1500.

For breakfast I ate:

A grapefruit
A protein bar

For lunch I ate:

An apple
3 tablespoons of Peanut Butter
1 ounce of cheese

For a snack I ate:

2 cheese sticks

For dinner I ate:

4 ounces of grilled chicken breast (boneless and skinless)
5-6 cups of grilled green beans tossed in olive oil

For a snack I ate:

An orange

I had no formal exercise.

And that is a typical day. The day before I had a slice of cake - but I ate that cake instead of the protein bar.  The day before that I had a slice of cake and ate that in place of the apple and peanut butter. The cake was more calories, but not tons more. But carbs and me - oh boy....

So.... I'm frustrated. Very. I have strength training and a step workout tonight. I have to hope that the scale will read better tomorrow.

Today's food is the same breakfast as yesterday, sack was a single thin slice of ww bread with 1 tablespoon of peanut butter, lunch will be 3 eggs and a piece of sausage, dinner will be a huge salad with lite caesar dressing and grilled chicken.

But seriously, if the scale doesn't come down this month out of the 170s for good, I might reevaluate pushing any more. It's taking it's toll these days.

Stats for 4/4/12:

Highest weight ever: 275  Now: 174

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