Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Rough day - sort of related to weight loss, but mostly just life

Yesterday morning I went to the doctor's office. That actually went better than I expected. I expected I would have to talk the NP out of more tests immediately (as my fasting blood sugar is borderline). But no, she wants to recheck in 3 months, 6 weeks for thyroid. That was good.

Then I left from there, had breakfast (didn't eat before going as I didn't know if I would need to get bloodwork) and then I took my younger son to school. He was not having a good morning I heard from my husband. He was crying about going to school. If you don't know as you are a new reader, my younger son has high functioning autism. Life is very different living with someone with autism.

Anyway, he opened up to me, which is good, and it seems he hates gym and feels his gym teacher is mean. So, we talked about that and I expressed how happy I was that he was talking with me about it and so on. Communicating feelings is very difficult for him, so this was a good thing. After dropping him off at school, I drove to Virginia, in the rain, for a dentist appointment.

Traffic was slow and some areas were stop and go, but I had given myself a lot of time, so it was not nerve wracking. My cleaning was fine and no new cavities, so that was good. I knew going into the appointment that the new crown was "iffy" as the tooth might need an extended crown, but it fit perfectly and there was no issue. All good so far, except annoying that I had to deal with two medical appointments before noon and my son was crying about school this morning. I grabbed a sandwich for lunch (took off the top bun) and then drove home. I got home just in time to pick up my older son from school. He usually walks, unless it's raining.

I have a few minutes at home to talk with him and check my email and then it's off to get my younger son from school. That is when things went downhill fast.

He had a horrible day at school. He didn't work and refused help. Basically, except for specials (media and gym) he did nothing all day long. He was worried about gym, but that was where he actually had a good part of the day. Go figure.  While talking with the teacher, it went from light drizzle to down pour. I didn't have a coat or umbrella - my son had a rain proof coat. He sensed no urgency in getting to the car quickly and actually slowed down when I tried to speed him up.

I get to the car, I'm soaked. The papers the teacher handed me are wet and I'm mad. So, I yelled at him. I yelled about how that was inappropriate and that when someone says to MOVE they mean to move quickly and now. That hurry means to run or move faster and that I was very mad that he didn't do that.  But... I didn't stop.

Then I yelled at him about his bad day at school. I said that now he had to do that work at home and that he had one job at school and that is to do his work, so DO IT.  He was very upset and I knew I wasn't helping.

When he got home, I changed out of my clothes, got him a snack and we talked calmly. I apologized for my behavior, but that I was feeling very mad and upset because he was not treating me with respect by not listening to me or following directions and I asked how he would feel if I didn't listen to him when I asked him to hurry, etc.

Then... a bit later it was homework time - he's refusing, but I stay calm, but demanding. Once he got going, he was fine. It was during that time he started yawning and then it dawned on me, "Maybe he had one of his sleepless nights that he occasionally has." I asked and he said it was a bad night for sleeping, but with his communication skills, I never know how accurate that is.

Dinner time. Ugh... Full of frustrations. he refuses to sit near the table, but has his chair 2 feet out. he sits sideways and he either eats with his fingers or, if with his fork, he won't let food touch his lips - any food, so he uses his teeth to scrape off the food. We won't allow that, so he goes back to his fingers. And that's a good day. Some days it's a battle to get him to come to the table. This table manners went down this year. We need to start seeing a feeding specialist and I will make that appointment probably today after the school's IEP meeting.

Later, he was playing with the balloon he got yesterday. He decided to sit on it and as you can expect, it popped - another burst of tears and frustration of "Now what can we do?" Like I was somehow supposed to fix the popped, big balloon. We talk about it and how he's sad about it and we tried to find solutions. Best I could do was blow up a non-helium, small, balloon. It helped, but he was just having a day of it.

It was a rough, rough day and we've had a lot of them this winter as this school year has been very hard. He has so many issues to work through and I don't know how to get through to him and I feel like I'm paddling alone. My husband is supportive, but not proactive. If I want things to change or to try things with Henry, it's up to me to implement it, but it's exhausting and I always feels I'm doing this in the dark. It's not like all kids with autism behave the same way or that a strategy that works for one, might work for another. It's tough.

The good news about it though is that I didn't self-medicate with food. Since I had a big lunch, I ate just a protein bar for dinner and I was satisfied... but I did notice myself eying the cookies in the drawer. I resisted. Yep... food is my drug of choice for coping. I have got to somehow retrain my brain!!! And, if possible, I need to be able to reduce my stress load!

So, it was a rough day. This morning, the little guy woke up sad. I thought it was about school, but he said he is sad about his balloon. He did perk up and went in to school feeling much better than yesterday, so I'll hope for a better day. In a few minutes, I have my son's IEP meeting. We need to come up with new strategies. What's in place now is not working. And we need to come up with some new strategies at home too. Which means more change and more turning things upside down and man... even that sounds exhausting.

Good think my blood pressure is under control and my thyroid is on the road to being better. I'm going to need all the "good stuff" I can get.

But at least it will be a gorgeous day today! I have to find the positive where I can!

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