Saturday, April 26, 2014

Having processed - feel better

Yesterday I said that my world sort of flip-flopped - and it did, but after processing a bit more with my bestie and an old college friend who has a background that I knew could help me with processing, I feel better. I know now what was really bugging me.

I realized what I was internally freaking out a bit about my teenage son, who is about ready to graduate from high school. He is about  to enter a whole new world... a grown up world... with grown up issues and he's running into it HEAD FIRST.

My husband is maddeningly so "calm" about it all, but I found myself quite upset... but not about the particular circumstances, but in that I didn't know. As I said.... nothing bad happened, but there were things I didn't know. His friends knew, but I didn't. It hurt to know that I wasn't the first to know... I felt shut out of his life... I thought we were closer than that... I guess I always felt that because we were so open with him and always respected his space and privacy that he would let us in. That he wouldn't feel the need to exclude us, but then my husband doesn't see it that way.

My husband is making the transition of "he can handle his own life and the issues that will come up on his own because he's almost an adult and we've prepared him well for life" better than I am.  Maybe we're chill parents, but parents nonetheless. We aren't his peers. This is normal to be closer to peers than to parents. Or, I should say... closer in different ways. And, as my son said, he didn't try to exclude us... it just never came up.

I am just so thankful that his friends are good people. All of them. They are smart, empathetic, ethical, caring and supportive. I guess I can't ask for more than that. He's done well for himself in that regard. He will probably be the same in college when he forms new friendships and relationships.

I am worrying a bit less because well... he's fine. We have done our job as parents to make sure he feels confident in himself to make sound decisions. Now it's time for me to stop worrying and just be there when and if he asks for help. Stepping back... letting him take the lead with his life.  He's graduating high school in a month, turning 18 in 4 months around the same time he will start college.  (Oh... god... he's still so far from 18!!! Such a baby starting college.... OK... stop the freak out).

So... that's that.

As far as me and this weight. Lost the wee bit of Easter weight gain, so now waiting for the scale to go DOWN. Of course, I'm making a cake today, so fingers crossed that they stay away from frosting, cake batter, etc!

1 comment:

  1. My son is a couple of years older than yours and is already in college. But, he's been living at home commuting. He is moving into an apartment close to school this fall (saves him an hour long drive to school each day). I've certainly had the same feelings you have. And, I am having a hard time with me. My husband (who married young and had grown children before and I got married), has a much more calm view about all this.

    I worry more (a lot more) and this really does feed my anxiety. But, my son is a good kid and all that so I realize a lot of this is my issue more than it is his issue. Doesn't make it easy though.