Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Your state of mind and how you handle comments

I think any of us can be sensitive. I'm a woman and only know my perspective, but from what I see and hear and experience, the sensitivity thing seems to be much more a woman thing. At least it is in our household.

When I'm feeling low, lethargic, tired, worn down, I tend to take things pretty sensitively. Even if they are said in the least offensive, sweetest way, I would find a way to be sensitive about it.  Of course, monthly hormones can play into that big time too.

I notice it a lot on forums - some women take every comment as an insult - like everything. It's exhausting trying to say things in a way that they can't possibly take the wrong way. In the end, I just try to avoid such contact because it's a no win situation and too emotionally draining.

With myself, I notice that if I'm exercising well and regularly, I am much less sensitive. My mood is lifted, so I take things to mean as they were intended, or I take it lightly. I don't take them to my heart.  A good example of that is a comment my husband said last night.

So, last night my husband and I were getting ready for bed. We were both in the master bathroom brushing our teeth at our respective sinks. While in there, I started to get undressed so I could throw the dirty clothes down the nearby laundry chute. I was standing at the sink in my my underwear and bra while he was finishing with his teeth. I pointed to my tummy and the gazillion stretch marks and said jokingly, "My stomach and these stretch marks are like an Escher drawing. It's impossible to count the stretch marks because they twist and turn and connect with each other." Then, "how come you've never tried to count all the stretch marks on my tummy. Oh, I know... you would be up all night counting and wouldn't get any sleep."

I was playing around and just being silly - and he knew that. I started to put my robe on and when he was done with brushing his teeth he said, "I don't pay much attention to your tummy. I pay more attention to the more attractive parts of your body - which is the rest of your body. The rest of your body is beautiful." I gave him a kiss and we went to bed - me to zonk immediately, him to read for a bit.

I was thinking on it this morning and I think it was a really sweet thing to say. I like that he is so honest. He could have said, "Your tummy is fine." That would be lying. My tummy is a mess. And it's almost completely pregnancy related, but a bit from the loose skin too. But he basically told me, in a nice way, "Yes, your tummy is full of stretch marks and isn't beautiful, but I don't care. The rest of you is beautiful to me and I enjoy your body."

I also realized that if I were in a different frame of mind - not exercising, lethargic, sleep deprived, or hormonal, I would have heard what he said more like this, "Your stomach is ugly. I don't pay attention to it because it's gross. I only look at the non-gross parts of your body."

Big difference in ways of interpreting it, huh?

Glad that 95% of the time I'm in a good state of mind. And exercising regularly is a big reason I am in that good state of mind. The only times I tend to get in the more sensitive range nowadays is when I'm  hormonal. So, one or so days a month tops am I a bit touchy, and even then, it's more that I'm grumpy or weepy, not that I'm sensitive to comments.

But before I started exercising and losing weight? I was very, very sensitive to any comments about my body or weight. So insecure. I'm glad I'm over that!

1 comment:

  1. You are in the miniscule minority of women - of any size or weight loss history - that would take his comment as a compliment and not an affront. Your confidence inspires me. Thanks for sharing!