Now when I see myself in the mirrors in Zumba classes or the like, I see my chubbiness and I don't like it. On the way down at this weight, I thought I was looking svelte. As well, I was looking much better than at higher weights. But, this time I know what I look like at a lower weight and I prefer that!
It's mostly in my gut. That's where I put it in and it's where I need to take it off. It's exasperated by loose skin on the abdomen, but it's not just loose skin, but flab, true flab too.
Sigh...
I know what I need to do and most days I do it, but what happened to that total 100% gung-ho attitude I had in the first 8-9 months of this? Why can't I recapture that? I can do well for a few weeks now, but then get derailed and mess up for 2-3 days, undoing all the progress I just made in the 2-3 weeks prior.
There is a saying that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. And well, it's true most of the time, but sometimes... it's not true. Like last night at dinner. It was so good. I had seconds. I shouldn't have had seconds, but I did and it tasted so good and it felt nice to be truly full for a change.
Then today, I'm making pizza for my son. It's smells so good. I could eat the whole thing. Instead, I ate my apple and peanut butter and a pepperoni stick to keep the pizza urge at bay.
Doing the exercise has become habit. I do it and I enjoy it (mostly). I think I have won that battle. However, the food one I think will be with me forever and ever. I like food too much to not eat whole categories of food. I can do really well and stay on plan, but who doesn't want to eat a slice of homemade bread? or a cookie? or an ice cream cone? Yet, when I eat those things, I just lose control of eating so that it takes days to detox and settle back down.
I was hoping finding some low carb alternatives would help and it probably will, but they are more labor intensive to make, more expensive to make and just as caloric as traditional snacks. So, a slice of low carb pizza is still a gazillion calories as is a low carb cookie. They are yummy, but not very satiating. Eating a salad of 150 calories looks and feels like more food that a single cookie!
So, I like my food - real food. I also like seeing a thinner me in the mirror reflected back at me. I don't like seeing what eating too much food looks like in a mirror or how it feels on my body. Why can't I remember that when I get tempted by food? Like grabbing seconds at dinner last night, huh?
I can relate. I don't know if I just get complacent with my look or I am actually gaining and don't know it but...sometimes I look at myself and think I still look fat. I am 160 - up 5 lbs from goal and that is amazing that I have maintained here but still. I am sick of seeing people walk by on the train and think... their coat fits.. mine is still a little tight. I just don't ever want to have anything be tight. That was my real goal.. and I still haven't made that. I have also lost my "eye of the tiger" and I think I have to just start being harder with myself. I have gotten lazy.
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