Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Having a hard time buckling down

I do great and then have a high day. Then I do great again, and then have another high day. All that equals out to is maintaining or slight gains (for now those gains are water and I know it).

I'm a bit frustrated with myself. I was chugging along just fine and then the holidays hit. I got back into the swing of things and then I got a cold. Again, I got back into things and the the kids schedule all last week was off with school conferences and holidays - more cooking and baking and again, I'm not where I want to be.

I look back a year ago and I had more determination then. I would go exercise at 10 pm if that was the only time in the day to do it. Now, I can't force myself to do it. I "say" I'll do it, but I haven't. I haven't in months and months and months.

And I don't know what it is about. I don't know if some part of me is just satisfied with where I am now -around 175 or if it's the winter blahs that are messing with me (much easier to lose weight at 240-250 than at 175). I'm actually eating the same or less than last year at this time, but with weighing so much less, I'm not creating the same calorie deficit!

I have my little gizmo that is telling me that most days I'm creating a calorie deficit, but small - very small. Without exercise, the deficit is 100-300 a day. That will take a long time to add up to even one pound (3500 calories for a pound). On days I exercise, I create about a 700-900 calorie deficit.

Today is an exercise day and I am looking forward to going, but I need to carve out exercise days more regularly. I'm skimping out on them too much. While I do try to run up and down stairs and I try to be more active around the house, it's not the same as a formal workout. AND when I don't work out, I am hungrier - always has been the case. It's a vicious cycle!

Add to that and I'm not sure my meds are right for my thyroid. I'm noticing feeling very fatigued even after getting a full night of sleep (like last night). and twice now I've felt my legs get restless (the last two days). I haven't had that in months and months and it worries me a bit. It's about time to get those levels checked again. I'll probably do it tomorrow. It's just up to me to get it done before this prescription runs out.

Speaking of appointments. I made a gyn appointment for March 1st. I haven't been since the birth of my second son which was almost 7 years ago. Why? Some of it was embarrassment of my weight. Some of it was not having a doctor in the area and simply forgetting about it - like all the rest of my health.

What prompted me now is that I found a lump in my abdomen on the right side. I think it is just a muscle cluster as it starts right down the middle of my abdomen where my abdominal muscle separate a bit (they split during my first pregnancy and delivery). I can feel those muscles now and the lump because I'm not buried in heaps of fat. The lump is about golf ball size and hard, but not painful and I can only detect it when I'm lying on my back with my stomach muscles relaxed. My husband says it feels a bit elongated, but to me it feels completely cylindrical. Anyway, I'll see about it when I get my exam. I don't think it's in the ovary area either.... but to be sure, I'm getting it checked out. It could have been there for years and years and I just never felt it as I was buried in fat. Best to find out what it is all about.

Double workout tonight and being a domestic goddess today. I'll need the workouts to work out my frustrations of having to pick up after everyone all day long.

Stats for 2/22/12:

Highest weight: 275  Now: 175.8


  1. Holy cow your latest photo is amazing. Your face looks amazingly different. I don't check your blog often and the last time I visited was 3 or 4 months ago.
    It's time to break out the french horn and take a comparison picture.

    1. Thank you. Yes, I finally took the 80 pounds lost photos. My husband said the same thing. He said the biggest difference has been the last 20 pounds. Now I'm curious if there will be a similar difference in the last 15 pounds!