Having a hard time buckling down

I do great and then have a high day. Then I do great again, and then have another high day. All that equals out to is maintaining or slight gains (for now those gains are water and I know it).

I'm a bit frustrated with myself. I was chugging along just fine and then the holidays hit. I got back into the swing of things and then I got a cold. Again, I got back into things and the the kids schedule all last week was off with school conferences and holidays - more cooking and baking and again, I'm not where I want to be.

I look back a year ago and I had more determination then. I would go exercise at 10 pm if that was the only time in the day to do it. Now, I can't force myself to do it. I "say" I'll do it, but I haven't. I haven't in months and months and months.

And I don't know what it is about. I don't know if some part of me is just satisfied with where I am now -around 175 or if it's the winter blahs that are messing with me (much easier to lose weight at 240-250 than at 175). I'm actually eating the same or less than last year at this time, but with weighing so much less, I'm not creating the same calorie deficit!

I have my little gizmo that is telling me that most days I'm creating a calorie deficit, but small - very small. Without exercise, the deficit is 100-300 a day. That will take a long time to add up to even one pound (3500 calories for a pound). On days I exercise, I create about a 700-900 calorie deficit.

Today is an exercise day and I am looking forward to going, but I need to carve out exercise days more regularly. I'm skimping out on them too much. While I do try to run up and down stairs and I try to be more active around the house, it's not the same as a formal workout. AND when I don't work out, I am hungrier - always has been the case. It's a vicious cycle!

Add to that and I'm not sure my meds are right for my thyroid. I'm noticing feeling very fatigued even after getting a full night of sleep (like last night). and twice now I've felt my legs get restless (the last two days). I haven't had that in months and months and it worries me a bit. It's about time to get those levels checked again. I'll probably do it tomorrow. It's just up to me to get it done before this prescription runs out.

Speaking of appointments. I made a gyn appointment for March 1st. I haven't been since the birth of my second son which was almost 7 years ago. Why? Some of it was embarrassment of my weight. Some of it was not having a doctor in the area and simply forgetting about it - like all the rest of my health.

What prompted me now is that I found a lump in my abdomen on the right side. I think it is just a muscle cluster as it starts right down the middle of my abdomen where my abdominal muscle separate a bit (they split during my first pregnancy and delivery). I can feel those muscles now and the lump because I'm not buried in heaps of fat. The lump is about golf ball size and hard, but not painful and I can only detect it when I'm lying on my back with my stomach muscles relaxed. My husband says it feels a bit elongated, but to me it feels completely cylindrical. Anyway, I'll see about it when I get my exam. I don't think it's in the ovary area either.... but to be sure, I'm getting it checked out. It could have been there for years and years and I just never felt it as I was buried in fat. Best to find out what it is all about.

Double workout tonight and being a domestic goddess today. I'll need the workouts to work out my frustrations of having to pick up after everyone all day long.

Stats for 2/22/12:

Highest weight: 275  Now: 175.8