I'm hoping maybe I've learned my lesson with sugar

I have now had three 'run-ins' with sugars that have left me fatter, feeling icky, and addicted to getting MORE sugar.

First run-in was Christmas 2011. I took 3 weeks off - mid-December through the first week of January. I enjoyed all the goodies I wanted and I thoroughly enjoyed. I didn't make it to the gym much either - only getting there like twice in 3.5 weeks. In that time I gained 14 pounds (about 7 of which was water weight). It took me about 2 months to lose the rest of that weight.

Then, this summer we went on vacation to Croatia for a month. It really would have been impossible to eat grain/sugar free for that time as everyone eats bread there - and mostly white bread. Even their "dark" bread is mostly white flour. Plus, when you are on vacation, a lot of enjoyment is eating the local food. So, I gained 14 pounds there. Again, about 7 of that was water weight. It took me 2 months to take off the remaining weight.  Then, I just got too stressed and time crunched.

I was still going to the gym about 3-4 times a week (two of which being strength training), but I was way too stretched. I had two part time jobs which equalled to over 30 hours a week. Then I had physical therapy 2 hours week (throw in driving and that's another hour). Then, my younger son had three therapies a weeks and with driving that was another 8 hours a week. I was keeping up the house, cooking, cleaning, etc. It was a full-time job PLUS. And I was sleep deprived. Sleep deprivation equals bad food choices, so I was eating more sugars than I should have.

I started to get back on track (but had put on 10 pounds) and then the holidays hit and add to that I got a cortisone shot for my shoulder injury which temporarily affects how I process sugar. Put the holidays and stress and all of that together and I didn't even try to resist the cookies, etc.

That 'unhinging' led to me gaining 30 pounds total. And worse, I felt bad. I had no energy and I felt down in the dumps.

I got myself together, dropped a quick 5 pounds of water weight and now it's back to work to lose the 20 pounds I've gained this fall plus the 5 I hadn't lost yet this late summer.

I have to ask myself, as now I feel better that the sugars are out of my system, "Was the freedom to eat the sugary treats worth it?"  Those sugars do more to me than make me fat. They make me feel BAD and worse, I feel out of control as my brain finds it hard to resist sugar when it's pumped full of sugar. It truly is an addiction. And I swear it gets harder and harder to resist each time I indulge in having off days.

I'm hoping these three huge learning moments have really taught me something permanently - that sugary treats are never worth it. They are bad for me on so many levels.