First, I want to thank a kind someone for informing me that I had my settings of the blog set so that only registered users (of google) could comment on my blog. I changed that so everyone can post. I had no idea I had it set up that way!
Second, I have been wearing my fitness gizmo a few days and it did feel a little snug, but I thought it was mostly that my arms were squishy. Well, it must truly be a bit tight as I have bruises all along my underarm.. I already had it at the loosest setting, so it's just too tight.
A bit over a year ago my old band had to be thrown away because the part that held the computer thingee snapped after a lot of use. Well, the first one I had was the Plus size band. When I bought the replacement band I bought the regular size. Well, I went and plus sized myself, so the regular size is just too tight. Now I have to decide if I want to buy a larger one or just wait until I get to regular size again. Dilemma -and boo!!!!
The scale the last three days finally stopped moving. Actually it even went up a couple ounces, despite my eating being spot on. Who knows the reason, but the honeymoon quick weight loss is over and it was a measly 5 pounds. Oh the days of a fast metabolism is certainly gone! Pfffft to middle age!
Other than that it's spring break for the kids, so we'll be doing stuff together and hopefully getting more of our yard together (we spent about 4 hours on it yesterday). I definitely have more energy and I think it has everything to do with more light and the depression disappearing.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Saturday, April 12, 2014
An observation
I notice a lot of people on weight loss boards that have become super experts about nutrition and some on fitness I think that is great. I am a complete novice compared to some of these people! And a lot of them were severely obese (and some still are, but are working on it).
I find it an interesting observation because I wonder if the intense need to know about nutrition is because they need to know more because it's harder to keep the weight off than it is for people who somehow manage to just eat less and have portion control.
Or is it that many obese people don't know moderation - moderation in eating and moderation in nutrition - and even exercise I suppose. We do so many things all or nothing. Maybe it's part of the personality?
I think I fall along that last part. I either go WAY overboard with eating or I go way overboard in something else. When I want to plant a garden, I don't just get one or two plants, I dig up my entire front yard and plant hundreds of plants. When I want to clean the house, I don't just do a room here and there, I have to do all of it (or none of it). It's part of my personality.
My husband who is more moderate and has no problems staying thin because he can regulate his eating normally, doesn't tend to all or nothing with most anything else either.
And, of course, the trait of going all out has problems (overeating), but has advantages (a lot gets done and done well).
Has anyone else noticed this? Are we trading one 'obsession' (food) for another - knowing everything about our food and perhaps radically changing a diet not just based on the need to lose weight, but on other things too. Like when an obese person who used to drink sugary soda doesn't just switch to diet, but gives up all soda all together. Or gives up all sugar, etc.
I find it an interesting observation because I wonder if the intense need to know about nutrition is because they need to know more because it's harder to keep the weight off than it is for people who somehow manage to just eat less and have portion control.
Or is it that many obese people don't know moderation - moderation in eating and moderation in nutrition - and even exercise I suppose. We do so many things all or nothing. Maybe it's part of the personality?
I think I fall along that last part. I either go WAY overboard with eating or I go way overboard in something else. When I want to plant a garden, I don't just get one or two plants, I dig up my entire front yard and plant hundreds of plants. When I want to clean the house, I don't just do a room here and there, I have to do all of it (or none of it). It's part of my personality.
My husband who is more moderate and has no problems staying thin because he can regulate his eating normally, doesn't tend to all or nothing with most anything else either.
And, of course, the trait of going all out has problems (overeating), but has advantages (a lot gets done and done well).
Has anyone else noticed this? Are we trading one 'obsession' (food) for another - knowing everything about our food and perhaps radically changing a diet not just based on the need to lose weight, but on other things too. Like when an obese person who used to drink sugary soda doesn't just switch to diet, but gives up all soda all together. Or gives up all sugar, etc.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Eating for hunger and what that has meant the last 11 days
When I started back up with this, my main goal was to get my health back in line. I need to get that blood pressure down, my thyroid functioning normally, and to get my fitness back up. I knew my eating had to shift dramatically. I was way out of control. I needed to get back to eating low carb and to eating within normal limits.
I started immediately with the low carb, high fat, moderate protein diet that I have found works best for me. I wasn't tracking what I was eating. I was just trying to adjust the type of eating I was doing. I figured tracking my caloric intake would only be important once I was eating normally again.
But, I have found that I transitioned easily (still trying to figure out then why it took me so long to start!) And with the new eating pattern, I have found I'm not hungry in the morning, so I am not eating in the morning. I have a cup of decaf coffee with 2 percent milk or whole milk (depending on what we have in the house) and that's it. I get hungry for lunch around 11 am. I make scrambled eggs with butter, either sausage or bacon and have that. I'm then satisfied until dinner time at 6:30 pm. At dinner I've been eating a huge green salad or tons of green and red veggies with proteins and avocado. Every night I feel so full for hours -almost too full. If I want something a bit sweet, I eat a small square of dark chocolate.
I finally got curious a couple of days ago at how many calories I was consuming to see how much tweaking I would need to do to my caloric intake. Since I ate the same thing for the last several days for lunch, it was easy to reconstruct my meals. I was SHOCKED that I was only eating between 1000-1100 calories. I seriously have not felt hungry. How is that even possible?
Before I started this, I never counted, but I'm sure most days I was eating over 3000 calories and I 'thought' I was eating when I was hungry. I was just hungry all the time because I was eating a ton of carbs.
Overnight I switch my eating to food that ALSO tastes really good to me. I'm not trying to restrict and I find I'm eating less than I should be. But it also doesn't make sense to me to eat more food just to eat more food when I'm not hungry for more food!
Now, it could be several things. It could be I'm so stoked about starting again and getting back on track again that I'm just too ramped up to be hungry.
It could be that eating so low carb (lower than before, probably as the first time around I was having to learn all the tricks that work for me and this time I just jumped right in). I am eating more truly satiating foods.
Or it could be that one of the medications I'm on is suppressing my appetite. I've been on this dosage of synthroid and lisinopril before and it didn't have this effect on me. But I haven't taken amlodipine before. (and hope to be off of it soon once things regulate). But, a quick look at side effects says that is a big no. If anything it's a rare side effect to see weight gain and there is no incidence of appetite loss. Huh... so probably not the medications either.
So, I don't know what's causing it. I know it can't continue forever, but it's odd. I've never been able to eat at even 1200 a day without feeling I was super hungry and that was usually followed by a day of eating higher calorie so that it balances each other out. (As it does make sense to have days you feel hungrier and days you aren't as hungry).
Maybe it's because my thyroid is low? Though it was lower the first time around and it took me awhile to be able to drop down from 1800 to 1500. My aim is usually around 1450-1550 depending on my activity level of the day.
It is also true that I'm not being overly physically active yet. I'm baby stepping into it to prevent injury (tend to have problems with shins), but I did walk 2 miles yesterday and cleaned the deck, so it's not like I was sitting still either.
Or maybe it's having to do with spring and spring appetite? I have no idea... It's really odd!
And with that said, it's nearing 11 am and I'm getting hungry, so I'll go make a hearty lunch in a few!
I started immediately with the low carb, high fat, moderate protein diet that I have found works best for me. I wasn't tracking what I was eating. I was just trying to adjust the type of eating I was doing. I figured tracking my caloric intake would only be important once I was eating normally again.
But, I have found that I transitioned easily (still trying to figure out then why it took me so long to start!) And with the new eating pattern, I have found I'm not hungry in the morning, so I am not eating in the morning. I have a cup of decaf coffee with 2 percent milk or whole milk (depending on what we have in the house) and that's it. I get hungry for lunch around 11 am. I make scrambled eggs with butter, either sausage or bacon and have that. I'm then satisfied until dinner time at 6:30 pm. At dinner I've been eating a huge green salad or tons of green and red veggies with proteins and avocado. Every night I feel so full for hours -almost too full. If I want something a bit sweet, I eat a small square of dark chocolate.
I finally got curious a couple of days ago at how many calories I was consuming to see how much tweaking I would need to do to my caloric intake. Since I ate the same thing for the last several days for lunch, it was easy to reconstruct my meals. I was SHOCKED that I was only eating between 1000-1100 calories. I seriously have not felt hungry. How is that even possible?
Before I started this, I never counted, but I'm sure most days I was eating over 3000 calories and I 'thought' I was eating when I was hungry. I was just hungry all the time because I was eating a ton of carbs.
Overnight I switch my eating to food that ALSO tastes really good to me. I'm not trying to restrict and I find I'm eating less than I should be. But it also doesn't make sense to me to eat more food just to eat more food when I'm not hungry for more food!
Now, it could be several things. It could be I'm so stoked about starting again and getting back on track again that I'm just too ramped up to be hungry.
It could be that eating so low carb (lower than before, probably as the first time around I was having to learn all the tricks that work for me and this time I just jumped right in). I am eating more truly satiating foods.
Or it could be that one of the medications I'm on is suppressing my appetite. I've been on this dosage of synthroid and lisinopril before and it didn't have this effect on me. But I haven't taken amlodipine before. (and hope to be off of it soon once things regulate). But, a quick look at side effects says that is a big no. If anything it's a rare side effect to see weight gain and there is no incidence of appetite loss. Huh... so probably not the medications either.
So, I don't know what's causing it. I know it can't continue forever, but it's odd. I've never been able to eat at even 1200 a day without feeling I was super hungry and that was usually followed by a day of eating higher calorie so that it balances each other out. (As it does make sense to have days you feel hungrier and days you aren't as hungry).
Maybe it's because my thyroid is low? Though it was lower the first time around and it took me awhile to be able to drop down from 1800 to 1500. My aim is usually around 1450-1550 depending on my activity level of the day.
It is also true that I'm not being overly physically active yet. I'm baby stepping into it to prevent injury (tend to have problems with shins), but I did walk 2 miles yesterday and cleaned the deck, so it's not like I was sitting still either.
Or maybe it's having to do with spring and spring appetite? I have no idea... It's really odd!
And with that said, it's nearing 11 am and I'm getting hungry, so I'll go make a hearty lunch in a few!
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Well now I've gone and done it - 100% in
OK, I guess this is it. Full steam ahead. No more dragging my feet. I'm in this thing all the way now.
Yesterday I charged up my bodyfit media core doohickey. AND I set new goals and inputted my last two days of eating (and exercising) on the nutritional tool I use, MyNetDiary.com.
First, it was a slap in the face to log on to the BodyMedia site. "You have gained 44 pounds since your last weigh in on March 28th, 2013". Um, thank you for pointing that out to me. I think I know. Can I erase this please? I don't want to see how I am whittling away at an OLD goal, but want to just look forward to this journey. Well, you can't erase past data, but least I can set new goals so I don't have to see the old one every single day. Gee... that would get depressing right quick.
Then, curious with how many calories I ate yesterday, I plugged in my food from the day before yesterday and yesterday. The last time I had logged my food was exactly one year ago. April 9, 2013. And I had gained 42 or 43 pounds from my last log in. Again, thank you very much for the slap in the face. I KNOW!!!! But, I was able to erase the old date - GONE.
Learning from the past is one thing, being beaten up by it is another.
After the Core unit charged it took me awhile to put it on my arm. I was a little nervous about that. Was I really read to take this journey on 100%? Did I really want to track my exercise (and sleep) habits again? Was I up for pushing myself that hard again?
And that is a bit hard for me to answer as I'm still feeling the extra tiredness of a bum thyroid, I know. But, in the end I strapped it on. Soon will come the questions from the kids I work with of, "What is that on your arm?" "Why are you wearing that?" "Is that a bandaid?" I love kid's curiosity! At least they ask! (And this is NOT my arm, but a model's arm for product advertisement).
Then I wanted to get the display clipped onto my pants for the bodymedia core. Of course, the battery on the display is dead. It's 3 years old and gave out the second I pushed a button to sync it. It was showing the correct time up until that time.
Of course, I didn't remember the passwords to either of these sites. I had to reset them both at MyNetDiary and at BodyMedia. And while I did that I see that it's been 13 months since I bought a 2 year subscription to BodyMedia - meaning I've wasted almost 13 months worth of the service, or about $50. And on the MyNetDiary site I see that they have a new look. Yep, a lot happens when you've been gone a year - in denial.
I'm not beating myself up about it - but kind of shocked at myself at how quickly all just fell apart. Now, I didn't stop exercising a year ago, but I stopped most cardio. I was just doing some strength training, but even that I stopped by fall and went to full spiral out of control mode.
But, I'm back - 100%. All the tools of the past are being used and are up to date and it's full steam ahead from here on out. I can do this. I know I can, but the sting of a year of giving into my demons is still fresh.
Yesterday I charged up my bodyfit media core doohickey. AND I set new goals and inputted my last two days of eating (and exercising) on the nutritional tool I use, MyNetDiary.com.
First, it was a slap in the face to log on to the BodyMedia site. "You have gained 44 pounds since your last weigh in on March 28th, 2013". Um, thank you for pointing that out to me. I think I know. Can I erase this please? I don't want to see how I am whittling away at an OLD goal, but want to just look forward to this journey. Well, you can't erase past data, but least I can set new goals so I don't have to see the old one every single day. Gee... that would get depressing right quick.
Then, curious with how many calories I ate yesterday, I plugged in my food from the day before yesterday and yesterday. The last time I had logged my food was exactly one year ago. April 9, 2013. And I had gained 42 or 43 pounds from my last log in. Again, thank you very much for the slap in the face. I KNOW!!!! But, I was able to erase the old date - GONE.
Learning from the past is one thing, being beaten up by it is another.
After the Core unit charged it took me awhile to put it on my arm. I was a little nervous about that. Was I really read to take this journey on 100%? Did I really want to track my exercise (and sleep) habits again? Was I up for pushing myself that hard again?
And that is a bit hard for me to answer as I'm still feeling the extra tiredness of a bum thyroid, I know. But, in the end I strapped it on. Soon will come the questions from the kids I work with of, "What is that on your arm?" "Why are you wearing that?" "Is that a bandaid?" I love kid's curiosity! At least they ask! (And this is NOT my arm, but a model's arm for product advertisement).
Then I wanted to get the display clipped onto my pants for the bodymedia core. Of course, the battery on the display is dead. It's 3 years old and gave out the second I pushed a button to sync it. It was showing the correct time up until that time.
Of course, I didn't remember the passwords to either of these sites. I had to reset them both at MyNetDiary and at BodyMedia. And while I did that I see that it's been 13 months since I bought a 2 year subscription to BodyMedia - meaning I've wasted almost 13 months worth of the service, or about $50. And on the MyNetDiary site I see that they have a new look. Yep, a lot happens when you've been gone a year - in denial.
I'm not beating myself up about it - but kind of shocked at myself at how quickly all just fell apart. Now, I didn't stop exercising a year ago, but I stopped most cardio. I was just doing some strength training, but even that I stopped by fall and went to full spiral out of control mode.
But, I'm back - 100%. All the tools of the past are being used and are up to date and it's full steam ahead from here on out. I can do this. I know I can, but the sting of a year of giving into my demons is still fresh.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
And to follow a terrible day, a great day!
How days can flip around so much is amazing. My son had a phenomenal day yesterday - beginning to end. Maybe my getting mad at him was a bit of a wake up call to him too. I don't know, but it was nice to have a bit of a reprieve of all the negative.
It doesn't mean we can skip all the things he needs. No. He needs a lot, but at least there are good things going on too.
For me, I'm doing great. My mood is definitely better. I have zero cravings and zero desire to give in to carbs. I bought DONUTS last night for crying out loud! They were the "treat" for my son for having a great day. Yep... picked out donuts from Dunkin Donuts
Oh... and if you are going to criticize giving food for a reward. Keep it to yourself. I was very opposed to food for rewards too, but guess what? They work for him. He just needs to know it's a special treat and not something to go crazy about. I NEVER used food for rewards for my oldest and not until recently with my second. But... changed my tune when I saw what worked and what didn't. Special treats work for son #2 when other things do not. So, I use what works! (That and trips - he LOVES taking special trips, but I can't do that every day!)
I sat next to the donuts for an hour and wasn't even the slightest bit tempted to try one.Now how can that be? How can I go from I cannot walk past a carb heavy food without gorging on them, to having no interest in them at all? AND... I know this feeling won't last. However, I'm holding on to this as long as I possibly can and running with it!
So, things are looking up and up and up - except the scale. (grin).
I need to figure out exercise too. I am walking and will keep doing that, but I need to figure out what's going on with my back, leg, and neck too. Sooner or later these will impede me from doing more and that would be a bummer. Yet, I'm not wanting to do major things with my back either (no surgery). Hopefully it's just things out of alignment. I'll just add to my 'to do' list that is already 10 feet long.
It doesn't mean we can skip all the things he needs. No. He needs a lot, but at least there are good things going on too.
For me, I'm doing great. My mood is definitely better. I have zero cravings and zero desire to give in to carbs. I bought DONUTS last night for crying out loud! They were the "treat" for my son for having a great day. Yep... picked out donuts from Dunkin Donuts
Oh... and if you are going to criticize giving food for a reward. Keep it to yourself. I was very opposed to food for rewards too, but guess what? They work for him. He just needs to know it's a special treat and not something to go crazy about. I NEVER used food for rewards for my oldest and not until recently with my second. But... changed my tune when I saw what worked and what didn't. Special treats work for son #2 when other things do not. So, I use what works! (That and trips - he LOVES taking special trips, but I can't do that every day!)
I sat next to the donuts for an hour and wasn't even the slightest bit tempted to try one.Now how can that be? How can I go from I cannot walk past a carb heavy food without gorging on them, to having no interest in them at all? AND... I know this feeling won't last. However, I'm holding on to this as long as I possibly can and running with it!
So, things are looking up and up and up - except the scale. (grin).
I need to figure out exercise too. I am walking and will keep doing that, but I need to figure out what's going on with my back, leg, and neck too. Sooner or later these will impede me from doing more and that would be a bummer. Yet, I'm not wanting to do major things with my back either (no surgery). Hopefully it's just things out of alignment. I'll just add to my 'to do' list that is already 10 feet long.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Rough day - sort of related to weight loss, but mostly just life
Yesterday morning I went to the doctor's office. That actually went better than I expected. I expected I would have to talk the NP out of more tests immediately (as my fasting blood sugar is borderline). But no, she wants to recheck in 3 months, 6 weeks for thyroid. That was good.
Then I left from there, had breakfast (didn't eat before going as I didn't know if I would need to get bloodwork) and then I took my younger son to school. He was not having a good morning I heard from my husband. He was crying about going to school. If you don't know as you are a new reader, my younger son has high functioning autism. Life is very different living with someone with autism.
Anyway, he opened up to me, which is good, and it seems he hates gym and feels his gym teacher is mean. So, we talked about that and I expressed how happy I was that he was talking with me about it and so on. Communicating feelings is very difficult for him, so this was a good thing. After dropping him off at school, I drove to Virginia, in the rain, for a dentist appointment.
Traffic was slow and some areas were stop and go, but I had given myself a lot of time, so it was not nerve wracking. My cleaning was fine and no new cavities, so that was good. I knew going into the appointment that the new crown was "iffy" as the tooth might need an extended crown, but it fit perfectly and there was no issue. All good so far, except annoying that I had to deal with two medical appointments before noon and my son was crying about school this morning. I grabbed a sandwich for lunch (took off the top bun) and then drove home. I got home just in time to pick up my older son from school. He usually walks, unless it's raining.
I have a few minutes at home to talk with him and check my email and then it's off to get my younger son from school. That is when things went downhill fast.
He had a horrible day at school. He didn't work and refused help. Basically, except for specials (media and gym) he did nothing all day long. He was worried about gym, but that was where he actually had a good part of the day. Go figure. While talking with the teacher, it went from light drizzle to down pour. I didn't have a coat or umbrella - my son had a rain proof coat. He sensed no urgency in getting to the car quickly and actually slowed down when I tried to speed him up.
I get to the car, I'm soaked. The papers the teacher handed me are wet and I'm mad. So, I yelled at him. I yelled about how that was inappropriate and that when someone says to MOVE they mean to move quickly and now. That hurry means to run or move faster and that I was very mad that he didn't do that. But... I didn't stop.
Then I yelled at him about his bad day at school. I said that now he had to do that work at home and that he had one job at school and that is to do his work, so DO IT. He was very upset and I knew I wasn't helping.
When he got home, I changed out of my clothes, got him a snack and we talked calmly. I apologized for my behavior, but that I was feeling very mad and upset because he was not treating me with respect by not listening to me or following directions and I asked how he would feel if I didn't listen to him when I asked him to hurry, etc.
Then... a bit later it was homework time - he's refusing, but I stay calm, but demanding. Once he got going, he was fine. It was during that time he started yawning and then it dawned on me, "Maybe he had one of his sleepless nights that he occasionally has." I asked and he said it was a bad night for sleeping, but with his communication skills, I never know how accurate that is.
Dinner time. Ugh... Full of frustrations. he refuses to sit near the table, but has his chair 2 feet out. he sits sideways and he either eats with his fingers or, if with his fork, he won't let food touch his lips - any food, so he uses his teeth to scrape off the food. We won't allow that, so he goes back to his fingers. And that's a good day. Some days it's a battle to get him to come to the table. This table manners went down this year. We need to start seeing a feeding specialist and I will make that appointment probably today after the school's IEP meeting.
Later, he was playing with the balloon he got yesterday. He decided to sit on it and as you can expect, it popped - another burst of tears and frustration of "Now what can we do?" Like I was somehow supposed to fix the popped, big balloon. We talk about it and how he's sad about it and we tried to find solutions. Best I could do was blow up a non-helium, small, balloon. It helped, but he was just having a day of it.
It was a rough, rough day and we've had a lot of them this winter as this school year has been very hard. He has so many issues to work through and I don't know how to get through to him and I feel like I'm paddling alone. My husband is supportive, but not proactive. If I want things to change or to try things with Henry, it's up to me to implement it, but it's exhausting and I always feels I'm doing this in the dark. It's not like all kids with autism behave the same way or that a strategy that works for one, might work for another. It's tough.
The good news about it though is that I didn't self-medicate with food. Since I had a big lunch, I ate just a protein bar for dinner and I was satisfied... but I did notice myself eying the cookies in the drawer. I resisted. Yep... food is my drug of choice for coping. I have got to somehow retrain my brain!!! And, if possible, I need to be able to reduce my stress load!
So, it was a rough day. This morning, the little guy woke up sad. I thought it was about school, but he said he is sad about his balloon. He did perk up and went in to school feeling much better than yesterday, so I'll hope for a better day. In a few minutes, I have my son's IEP meeting. We need to come up with new strategies. What's in place now is not working. And we need to come up with some new strategies at home too. Which means more change and more turning things upside down and man... even that sounds exhausting.
Good think my blood pressure is under control and my thyroid is on the road to being better. I'm going to need all the "good stuff" I can get.
But at least it will be a gorgeous day today! I have to find the positive where I can!
Then I left from there, had breakfast (didn't eat before going as I didn't know if I would need to get bloodwork) and then I took my younger son to school. He was not having a good morning I heard from my husband. He was crying about going to school. If you don't know as you are a new reader, my younger son has high functioning autism. Life is very different living with someone with autism.
Anyway, he opened up to me, which is good, and it seems he hates gym and feels his gym teacher is mean. So, we talked about that and I expressed how happy I was that he was talking with me about it and so on. Communicating feelings is very difficult for him, so this was a good thing. After dropping him off at school, I drove to Virginia, in the rain, for a dentist appointment.
Traffic was slow and some areas were stop and go, but I had given myself a lot of time, so it was not nerve wracking. My cleaning was fine and no new cavities, so that was good. I knew going into the appointment that the new crown was "iffy" as the tooth might need an extended crown, but it fit perfectly and there was no issue. All good so far, except annoying that I had to deal with two medical appointments before noon and my son was crying about school this morning. I grabbed a sandwich for lunch (took off the top bun) and then drove home. I got home just in time to pick up my older son from school. He usually walks, unless it's raining.
I have a few minutes at home to talk with him and check my email and then it's off to get my younger son from school. That is when things went downhill fast.
He had a horrible day at school. He didn't work and refused help. Basically, except for specials (media and gym) he did nothing all day long. He was worried about gym, but that was where he actually had a good part of the day. Go figure. While talking with the teacher, it went from light drizzle to down pour. I didn't have a coat or umbrella - my son had a rain proof coat. He sensed no urgency in getting to the car quickly and actually slowed down when I tried to speed him up.
I get to the car, I'm soaked. The papers the teacher handed me are wet and I'm mad. So, I yelled at him. I yelled about how that was inappropriate and that when someone says to MOVE they mean to move quickly and now. That hurry means to run or move faster and that I was very mad that he didn't do that. But... I didn't stop.
Then I yelled at him about his bad day at school. I said that now he had to do that work at home and that he had one job at school and that is to do his work, so DO IT. He was very upset and I knew I wasn't helping.
When he got home, I changed out of my clothes, got him a snack and we talked calmly. I apologized for my behavior, but that I was feeling very mad and upset because he was not treating me with respect by not listening to me or following directions and I asked how he would feel if I didn't listen to him when I asked him to hurry, etc.
Then... a bit later it was homework time - he's refusing, but I stay calm, but demanding. Once he got going, he was fine. It was during that time he started yawning and then it dawned on me, "Maybe he had one of his sleepless nights that he occasionally has." I asked and he said it was a bad night for sleeping, but with his communication skills, I never know how accurate that is.
Dinner time. Ugh... Full of frustrations. he refuses to sit near the table, but has his chair 2 feet out. he sits sideways and he either eats with his fingers or, if with his fork, he won't let food touch his lips - any food, so he uses his teeth to scrape off the food. We won't allow that, so he goes back to his fingers. And that's a good day. Some days it's a battle to get him to come to the table. This table manners went down this year. We need to start seeing a feeding specialist and I will make that appointment probably today after the school's IEP meeting.
Later, he was playing with the balloon he got yesterday. He decided to sit on it and as you can expect, it popped - another burst of tears and frustration of "Now what can we do?" Like I was somehow supposed to fix the popped, big balloon. We talk about it and how he's sad about it and we tried to find solutions. Best I could do was blow up a non-helium, small, balloon. It helped, but he was just having a day of it.
It was a rough, rough day and we've had a lot of them this winter as this school year has been very hard. He has so many issues to work through and I don't know how to get through to him and I feel like I'm paddling alone. My husband is supportive, but not proactive. If I want things to change or to try things with Henry, it's up to me to implement it, but it's exhausting and I always feels I'm doing this in the dark. It's not like all kids with autism behave the same way or that a strategy that works for one, might work for another. It's tough.
The good news about it though is that I didn't self-medicate with food. Since I had a big lunch, I ate just a protein bar for dinner and I was satisfied... but I did notice myself eying the cookies in the drawer. I resisted. Yep... food is my drug of choice for coping. I have got to somehow retrain my brain!!! And, if possible, I need to be able to reduce my stress load!
So, it was a rough day. This morning, the little guy woke up sad. I thought it was about school, but he said he is sad about his balloon. He did perk up and went in to school feeling much better than yesterday, so I'll hope for a better day. In a few minutes, I have my son's IEP meeting. We need to come up with new strategies. What's in place now is not working. And we need to come up with some new strategies at home too. Which means more change and more turning things upside down and man... even that sounds exhausting.
Good think my blood pressure is under control and my thyroid is on the road to being better. I'm going to need all the "good stuff" I can get.
But at least it will be a gorgeous day today! I have to find the positive where I can!
Monday, April 7, 2014
Triumphs and exhaustion
This weekend was a good one. I got two walks in. I had a big event to ready for on Sunday and kid wrangled 21 kids in a room for a project that they were able to complete as well. Then I came home to mountains of dishes to do and things to clean up.
I got everything done and now... I'm exhausted. I need Monday to recuperate from my weekend! A bum thyroid makes it worse, of course.
But... it was all good. I made a HUGE cake this weekend and despite a few disasters in the process (soupy Italian buttercream anyone?) and lots of sugar and yummy stuff around, I didn't nibble. At the event I ate just one small slice of cake to test, but otherwise stuck to veggies and cheese at the snack table. It's been a long time since I avoided most of that crap.
This morning I had a follow-up with my nurse practitioner. BP is still coming down. And everything else is wait and see. Thyroid is rechecked in 6 weeks. Everything else in 3 months. I was happy to see her scale down 5 pounds this morning. At home I'm down 3.4 pounds - it's a start and pretty good for one week! Gotta love water weight losses at the beginning of a diet change.
Switching to low carb (despite that one small piece of cake) has been pretty easy - surprisingly. I think having it be spring helps as I simply DO NOT want heavy foods in spring. It's all about veggies.
Only bummer for the day is that I have to drive to Virginia in the rain to get the new crown put on. I had to have an ill-fitting one replaced. I also have my 6 month cleaning too. It wouldn't be such a bummer if I could do something else while in VA, but it truly is pop in and out so that I can get home in time to pick up the kids from school on this rainy day. My mother in law "could" do it, but it's such a huge production, that I hope to make it back in time. She gets way nervous about such things.
But... I'm exhausted. Rainy day definitely doesn't help!
Start: 241.6
Now: 238.2
I got everything done and now... I'm exhausted. I need Monday to recuperate from my weekend! A bum thyroid makes it worse, of course.
But... it was all good. I made a HUGE cake this weekend and despite a few disasters in the process (soupy Italian buttercream anyone?) and lots of sugar and yummy stuff around, I didn't nibble. At the event I ate just one small slice of cake to test, but otherwise stuck to veggies and cheese at the snack table. It's been a long time since I avoided most of that crap.
This morning I had a follow-up with my nurse practitioner. BP is still coming down. And everything else is wait and see. Thyroid is rechecked in 6 weeks. Everything else in 3 months. I was happy to see her scale down 5 pounds this morning. At home I'm down 3.4 pounds - it's a start and pretty good for one week! Gotta love water weight losses at the beginning of a diet change.
Switching to low carb (despite that one small piece of cake) has been pretty easy - surprisingly. I think having it be spring helps as I simply DO NOT want heavy foods in spring. It's all about veggies.
Only bummer for the day is that I have to drive to Virginia in the rain to get the new crown put on. I had to have an ill-fitting one replaced. I also have my 6 month cleaning too. It wouldn't be such a bummer if I could do something else while in VA, but it truly is pop in and out so that I can get home in time to pick up the kids from school on this rainy day. My mother in law "could" do it, but it's such a huge production, that I hope to make it back in time. She gets way nervous about such things.
But... I'm exhausted. Rainy day definitely doesn't help!
Start: 241.6
Now: 238.2
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)