For the last couple of weeks or so, I've been feeling myself come back on line. I would eat really well until the end of the day, and then would raid the snack drawer. I was getting more physically active, etc. But I still caved at temptations.
The last 3 days (yes it's only been three days). I was 100% on track and not tempted by anything in the house. How is it that for months I could not pass by the snack drawer without grabbing something awful, but now I can? I couldn't go to the grocery store without buying kettlecorn, etc. Then, like a switch, I'm 100% on plan again. I get into the snack drawer to get my protein bar and I'm not even tempted by the Oreos or chips. I went to the store yesterday, and walked right by the kettlecorn, even though I was hungry at the time as I was late for lunch.
What does it?
Ok... part of it is sleep. My sleep was pretty horrible a lot of the summer because of back issues. I hurt my back pretty nastily in June? (or was it May?). That was the true last straw that put me into the downward spiral - where the exercise went by the wayside as I was having back spasms from a muscle injury. I hurt it at the gym and then sleep was difficult in all positions except being on my back, so I never rested fully.
Awwww.... Melissa, that was the true problem. Lack of quality sleep always does me in. Throw in an inability to exercise (besides walking, which I did all summer), and I also lose a mood lifter and appetite suppressant.
Look how all the stars need to align right for me to stay on track. Well, most of the stars need to stay aligned and the sleep one is crucial.
I had a fitful sleep last night as I wrenched my back at the grocery store a bit with lifting something and felt those same muscles tense up. They still aren't quite healed - close, but not 100%. I don't feel the temptations, maybe because it's an isolated night and not a chronic lack of sleep.
And, some people with depression sleep more - not me. I sleep less. Go figure.
But... I did get brave and stepped on the scale this morning. I had stepped on it a month ago when I was beginning to feel a bit more uplifted, but that was temporary, and I slipped even further into the abyss. Then it read 215. The last month was BAD with food, so I was expecting to see at least 220. It read 217.4 and I was happy with that, as it's also the time of the month that I tend to weigh the most with hormonal weight gain.
I'm not going to look at it as all the work I have to redo. That's not productive. I will just work my way back down. Goal is 170. I feel good at that weight and it's maintainable. Anything lower and that is great, but not necessary.
Shaking my head as I have a lot of work to do, but this is a lifelong thing. Not a quick fix. As always, fitness is the key and for the past couple weeks I've been regular to exercise again - light, but at it - riding my bike and lifting weights. I'll add in some aerobics this coming week.
Another true sign that my will is strong again is that I'm bringing food with me on a trip this weekend. We are driving to visit some colleges for my oldest son. I want to limit food damage as much as possible (especially carbs), so I will bring my staple of apples (yay to the farmer's market having Honeycrisp apples!) and peanut butter with me to have as a backup for either breakfast or lunch if the alternatives aren't good. We'll be walking for hours both days alternating with long car rides, so that will have to do, but I'm not taking this weekend trip as a time to pig out. That desire to treat my body right is 100% back and it hasn't been that way for over a year. I was just successful at mostly keeping on track up until May.
Weigh-in 217.4
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