First, I had a blood draw this morning. I was actually not even that nervous about it. I was a little because who likes getting a needle jammed into the crook of their arm? But, with several easy blood draws lately at the vampire's, I was feeling hopeful. And, it was good! He found the vein immediately and no digging for it either. Hallelujah! I will say it again - just that is enough to keep me from regaining the weight and with keeping my fitness level up!
Second little thing is that I decided I would start doing weight training three times a week. I want to really push towards the end of the year. I want to really give it my all so that I can see how much progress I can make by the end of the year.
I have also decided that I am going to start taking different measurements than I have been. (Not that I have been since April or May), but I read on a fitness forum about taking chest-waist sucked in-waist relaxed-hip measurements. As well as upper arm and upper thigh measurements. That waist measurement is deceiving as everyone sucks it in, don't they? So, I want to compare the two and see how they change.
Last, I just, like just a few minutes ago, joined a challenge for the end of the year. Another gal on the forum I participate in has about the same weight as me and our birthdays are one day apart and we have a similar goal, so... a bit of rivalry (friendly rivalry) maybe will push me a bit harder? She motivating me and perhaps me motivating her?
I really have no idea if 160 is possible for the end of this year, but why not shoot for it, right? What can I lose? It's not like I'll just cave in and give up if I can't get to that weight. It just means I'll have to work a bit harder for a bit.
I had been toying with joining a fitness club/class at the fitness facilities I belong too, but I'm still undecided on that one - $299 for all that - but, it includes some personal training and you work in partners. Do I have it in me???? To really, really push hard just as my energy dwindles?
Which reminds me, I need to make an appointment with my internist to talk about Seasonal Affect Disorder. I'm tired of muddling through winter like a slug.
Eek!!! I think I can do it. Where did that motivation go that was on fire a couple weeks ago? I'm still following a plan and working out and eating less, but I'm just not psyched. Guess what... I'm a bit sleep deprived too. I am going to bed as SOON as I'm done here and done cooking the lunches for tomorrow (a Croatian cheese pie called burek). They are in the oven now and will need to cool a bit and then to bed I go! I promise! So that I can jump into this plan with more steam!
Monday, September 10, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Bigger breakfast - I'm less hungry later
Interestingly, this didn't used to be this way. When I used to eat a big breakfast, I was still hungry at my regular times, but it seems something has changed.
The last three mornings, I ate my usual protein bar, but also a part of a peanut butter sandwich (leftovers from my son as the bread I made last was HUGE). Don't believe me, take a look:
That is some seriously TALLLLLL bread. I tend to make whole wheat breads the most and they don't rise as nicely, so I think my technique of mixing dough has gotten too good as now my white breads are enormous!
Anyway, I ate a bit of his PBJ and the result was that I was less hungry. Like a lot less hungry. I ate about 150 calories extra in the morning and that saved me from eating about 300-400 calories before lunch. So, both yesterday and today, I was finally able to eat a bit under 1500 calories for the day and it wasn't a struggle.
That was Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Let's see how it goes with the week. Tomorrow will be easier as I have a blood draw and since the form didn't say if I should fast or not, I'll fast just to be sure. I won't be able to eat anything until about 10 am (or so).
And you know I'm looking forward to a blood draw, right?
The last three mornings, I ate my usual protein bar, but also a part of a peanut butter sandwich (leftovers from my son as the bread I made last was HUGE). Don't believe me, take a look:
That is some seriously TALLLLLL bread. I tend to make whole wheat breads the most and they don't rise as nicely, so I think my technique of mixing dough has gotten too good as now my white breads are enormous!
Anyway, I ate a bit of his PBJ and the result was that I was less hungry. Like a lot less hungry. I ate about 150 calories extra in the morning and that saved me from eating about 300-400 calories before lunch. So, both yesterday and today, I was finally able to eat a bit under 1500 calories for the day and it wasn't a struggle.
That was Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Let's see how it goes with the week. Tomorrow will be easier as I have a blood draw and since the form didn't say if I should fast or not, I'll fast just to be sure. I won't be able to eat anything until about 10 am (or so).
And you know I'm looking forward to a blood draw, right?
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Newish strategy for battling baking
My kids eat a lot - like a lot. Yes, we always have veggies and hummus and fruit and such at home - always, but they also like quick to grab cookies or muffins or pies. Problem is that with cookies (and cake or cupcakes) that I cannot stay out of the batter/dough. It's like a magnet to my mouth.
I've mentioned this before, but it's a real problem for me! I can resist the baked good - just not the dough! Ugh! So, I decided one way to approach this (besides never making cookies or cake again) was to make a HUGE batch and freeze a bunch of them. That way, my exposure to the batter/dough is limited.
So, that's what I did last night. I made monster cookies - 165 of them - a quadruple recipe. It was sooooo much dough that I had to add the M&Ms and chocolate chips in my biggest pot as my 8 quart mixing bowl wasn't big enough! I resisted temptation as much as I could, but in the end, I nibbled between 2-3 cookies worth of batter - bits that fell on the (clean) counter, scrapings of the bowl, the last wee bit that wouldn't fit on the tray, etc. The damage isn't that horribly great, but if I had 2-3 extra cookies every week or so, that adds up!
This way I won't have to be tempted by the batter again for another month or so. I'll still need to make stuff, but raw pie dough is yucky, bread dough is yucky and so is most muffin batters.
And, I think I'm mostly out of my funk as the hormones stabilize. But I think doing bodypump this morning helped with that too.
I've mentioned this before, but it's a real problem for me! I can resist the baked good - just not the dough! Ugh! So, I decided one way to approach this (besides never making cookies or cake again) was to make a HUGE batch and freeze a bunch of them. That way, my exposure to the batter/dough is limited.
So, that's what I did last night. I made monster cookies - 165 of them - a quadruple recipe. It was sooooo much dough that I had to add the M&Ms and chocolate chips in my biggest pot as my 8 quart mixing bowl wasn't big enough! I resisted temptation as much as I could, but in the end, I nibbled between 2-3 cookies worth of batter - bits that fell on the (clean) counter, scrapings of the bowl, the last wee bit that wouldn't fit on the tray, etc. The damage isn't that horribly great, but if I had 2-3 extra cookies every week or so, that adds up!
This way I won't have to be tempted by the batter again for another month or so. I'll still need to make stuff, but raw pie dough is yucky, bread dough is yucky and so is most muffin batters.
And, I think I'm mostly out of my funk as the hormones stabilize. But I think doing bodypump this morning helped with that too.
Friday, September 7, 2012
I didn't miss this funk!
Some women may get PMS, but I get MS - not to be confuse with the disease MS. I have to tell you. I did not miss the hormonal upheaval the last 7 weeks - at all. I guess some women get hormonal with menopause, but so far... knock on wood, not me. Hot flashes for a bit there, yes, but no hormonal craziness.
So yesterday and today when I had no reason to be a grouchy, weepy woman, I was. I hate that!' And I hate knowing why I feel the way I do, but not being able to change how I feel even with knowing it's hormones and not 'real'.
In a way, it kind of reminds me of the movie The Matrix (which we just saw last week for the first time). I don't know how exactly, but these people are living lives they think are real, but aren't. So, these are feelings that feel real, but they are not - it's hormones making me wacky!
I should be back to normal tomorrow - I hope! Please! And because of it. I don't even want to write in my blog. I just feel like "Whatever".
So yesterday and today when I had no reason to be a grouchy, weepy woman, I was. I hate that!' And I hate knowing why I feel the way I do, but not being able to change how I feel even with knowing it's hormones and not 'real'.
In a way, it kind of reminds me of the movie The Matrix (which we just saw last week for the first time). I don't know how exactly, but these people are living lives they think are real, but aren't. So, these are feelings that feel real, but they are not - it's hormones making me wacky!
I should be back to normal tomorrow - I hope! Please! And because of it. I don't even want to write in my blog. I just feel like "Whatever".
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Lots of costume ideas for upcoming years!
Since I have every plan on being at my goal weight by next year (hopefully by this winter yet), I have been having fun thinking of ideas for costumes for future.
I love the idea of a fairy costume. Something like a woodland fairy costume, or a medieval or renaissance costume, or a ball gown. Something that I would look and feel good in and could wear to a Ren-fest or other type thing and just have fun! I don't want to get something like that (or make something like that) until I feel good about my body and where I've taken it. Huh... maybe that will be my treat to myself when I get to goal - a totally frivulous costume! Maybe silly and maybe something I'll never do, but who knows! It's fun to think about!
I did get the costume for this year though. I found a prom/formal gown at a consignment shop. It's hem is a bit stained and it's not something I would wear for real, but it will make a cute base for a costume for many things - a fairy, a princess, an ice queen, a frou-frou dress. Of all the years of growing up, I don't think I've ever been a fairy or a princess - well, I think when I was 4 I had a princess costume - I think, but I was just always 'something else' - some very politically incorrect 'back in the day'.
The dress I found is kind of like this, kind of. It's a lighter blue with a bit more crystal beading (but simple and not much) with a thin sash around the waist: organza dress. Here's another one it's similar too - just no gathering and no flower and a few beads - same color and style of the bottom half of the dress though: ice blue dress. I will get some things for my hair, some fairy wings and be a fairy princess or something like that. I thought about making it Glinda the Good Witch, but that dress is pink. I will add something to it to make a sleeve so it's not a strapless too. I'm not into strapless! It will be something I could reuse in years to come too as it's a pretty simple formal gown and I got it for less than fabric to make it (a lot less).
OK, off to do some work. Enough day dreaming!
Stats for 9/6/12:
Highest weight: 275 Now: 179.6
I love the idea of a fairy costume. Something like a woodland fairy costume, or a medieval or renaissance costume, or a ball gown. Something that I would look and feel good in and could wear to a Ren-fest or other type thing and just have fun! I don't want to get something like that (or make something like that) until I feel good about my body and where I've taken it. Huh... maybe that will be my treat to myself when I get to goal - a totally frivulous costume! Maybe silly and maybe something I'll never do, but who knows! It's fun to think about!
I did get the costume for this year though. I found a prom/formal gown at a consignment shop. It's hem is a bit stained and it's not something I would wear for real, but it will make a cute base for a costume for many things - a fairy, a princess, an ice queen, a frou-frou dress. Of all the years of growing up, I don't think I've ever been a fairy or a princess - well, I think when I was 4 I had a princess costume - I think, but I was just always 'something else' - some very politically incorrect 'back in the day'.
The dress I found is kind of like this, kind of. It's a lighter blue with a bit more crystal beading (but simple and not much) with a thin sash around the waist: organza dress. Here's another one it's similar too - just no gathering and no flower and a few beads - same color and style of the bottom half of the dress though: ice blue dress. I will get some things for my hair, some fairy wings and be a fairy princess or something like that. I thought about making it Glinda the Good Witch, but that dress is pink. I will add something to it to make a sleeve so it's not a strapless too. I'm not into strapless! It will be something I could reuse in years to come too as it's a pretty simple formal gown and I got it for less than fabric to make it (a lot less).
OK, off to do some work. Enough day dreaming!
Stats for 9/6/12:
Highest weight: 275 Now: 179.6
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Today was full of surprises
First surprise was that I dipped under 180 (again). That was nice! I was beginning to wonder - HOW was it possible to gain 6-7 pounds in as many days? I mean, I know I ate a "bit" more than I should, but not thousands of calories a day more than I should. What is going on with my body?
Second surprise was that my period started - after NOTHING for over 2 months. No warning either... and with a drop on the scale the day it started? That's unusual too! I have no idea if I ovulated or not (I'm thinking not) and that throws me off even more - I gained 7 pounds during the time I usually lose? Again, what is going on with my body?
Also, I guess a third surprise is that I've managed to get back to where I was with weights on the bar in BodyPump on everything except my squat weight - back up to where I was before I stopped in April due to the injury. And, I'm almost back to where I was for squats too. I started back up at 5 kg per end and I could barely walk for half a week. Now, 2.5 weeks later and I'm back up to 8.5KG per end and I'm just a wee bit sore. In a week or two I'll try for 10 kg per end again and I had JUST gotten there when I injured myself in late April.
Fourth surprise is not related to any of the above, but I was surprised to hear about how the blog I write for my job was going. My articles are getting a lot of hits. I'm a close second of all 7-8 categories and that's with me being gone for the first two weeks of August and not having anything published for the first 2.5 weeks. And, my posts have gotten the most comments and so on. I've only had 24 posts published altogether (about 1/2 published in July) of the 190 posts written, so that is making me feel pretty good. People are reading my stuff and are finding it interesting enough to click... let's see if that trend continues or not. And let's see what that means for future employment.
But now I'm wiped out - like COMPLETELY!
Stats for 9/5/12:
Highest weight: 275 Now: 179.8
Second surprise was that my period started - after NOTHING for over 2 months. No warning either... and with a drop on the scale the day it started? That's unusual too! I have no idea if I ovulated or not (I'm thinking not) and that throws me off even more - I gained 7 pounds during the time I usually lose? Again, what is going on with my body?
Also, I guess a third surprise is that I've managed to get back to where I was with weights on the bar in BodyPump on everything except my squat weight - back up to where I was before I stopped in April due to the injury. And, I'm almost back to where I was for squats too. I started back up at 5 kg per end and I could barely walk for half a week. Now, 2.5 weeks later and I'm back up to 8.5KG per end and I'm just a wee bit sore. In a week or two I'll try for 10 kg per end again and I had JUST gotten there when I injured myself in late April.
Fourth surprise is not related to any of the above, but I was surprised to hear about how the blog I write for my job was going. My articles are getting a lot of hits. I'm a close second of all 7-8 categories and that's with me being gone for the first two weeks of August and not having anything published for the first 2.5 weeks. And, my posts have gotten the most comments and so on. I've only had 24 posts published altogether (about 1/2 published in July) of the 190 posts written, so that is making me feel pretty good. People are reading my stuff and are finding it interesting enough to click... let's see if that trend continues or not. And let's see what that means for future employment.
But now I'm wiped out - like COMPLETELY!
Stats for 9/5/12:
Highest weight: 275 Now: 179.8
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
If you want to feel fat, look at wedding dresses
Why am I looking at wedding dresses? Am I getting married? What? Renewing vows? Nope... I'm looking at them for a possibility for a Halloween costume!
Every year, we make nice Halloween costumes. I sew some, buy some and do consigned stuff as often as I can. Sewing your own is great, but it's often the most expensive route! However, I've gotten picky with Halloween costumes. I want them to feel and look good and not be the cheap, thin fabrics you can find most places.
My mom started that. When most other kids were getting costumes like this: plastic costume, I was getting homemade costumes.
There have maybe been a few years I haven't dressed up for Halloween and probably just when I was exhausted with babies. Halloween is just so much fun! But... finding costumes is not easy. It was not easy when I was heavy because of the ones you could buy, I would have to have that cheap, awful fabric that looks 100 times worse on an obese woman. Of things I could find in consignment shops, very little is available for plus size. So, every year I was either a witch or a man to get around the sizing issue. I could find men's clothes that fit.
The year that my husband and I got married, Halloween was just two weeks after we got married. I had my husband dress up as a bride and me as a groom. (I need to scan that photo in!) I found a used wedding gown at Goodwill, but it was too small for me - OK for him. The year my husband went as Gandalf and my young son as Frodo and the baby as a baby hobbit, I went as a peasant woman - who would believe in a fat Arwin or Galadrial or Eowyn?
Last year, being much thinner (not much heavier than now), I went as Jessie from Toy Story. It was the first time in my adult life that I didn't have to go as a man or chubby character. While I wasn't thin, I didn't look ridiculous as an average built character. (Though, Jessie is a string toy and is quite skinny in the movie!) But still - a svelte character - like Jessica Rabbit? Probably not.
So, this year we are thinking of costume ideas. My son is still undecided on what he wants to be, but we like to do family type of dress ups. Right now he is thinking of being Puss N' Boots from Shrek. That would make my husband Shrek and me Fiona. My older son can either be Donkey, if he's willing, but he's really into My Little Pony right now (a Bronie) and I promised him I would make him a cosplay costume for that if he wanted it.
Anyway, Fiona wears dresses like a princess, as she is a princess. She dresses much like Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, etc. In the first movie she is rescued wearing a green dress.
Later, she is getting married to Lord Farquaad when Shrek rescues her, so she also wears a wedding dress in the movie. In the second and third movies she wears other dresses - in blue and lavender. Though, I think most people know the first movie best. Need to refresh your memory on all things Shrek? Check out here: http://shrek.wikia.com/wiki/Princess_Fiona
So, I went looking for dresses. I now wear a size 10 or 12 dress - mostly depending on the cut of the bust. Most 10s are too small in the bust for me as I have a large rib cage and then a large bust on top of that rib cage. 12s are too big in the waist and hips, but fit the bust.
I can get this dress: green dress. I would need a size large. Or, I can go for a wedding dress. Finding a used wedding dress can be cheaper. And, I've never worn a wedding dress - it might be fun! I got married in a short sleeved suit jacket and skirt.
But I forget that in formal attire, I'm not a 10 or a 12. I'm a 16 or 18. I'm plus sized! Again, try to find a plus sized wedding dress? And to make it more complicated, some things say 16 and would fit, and others wouldn't. There is basically no way to order a used one and to know it would fit. And when I look, you can find all sorts of cute things if you are a bridal 10 and smaller, but if you are a bridal 16 or 18? Yikes!
So, even at a much better weight, I still would feel icky in most Halloween costumes. Notice I'm not thinking of being Princess Fiona as a human - but as an ogre - who is plump! And plump equals ugly.
Stats for 9/3/12:
Highest weight: 275 Now: 181.2
Every year, we make nice Halloween costumes. I sew some, buy some and do consigned stuff as often as I can. Sewing your own is great, but it's often the most expensive route! However, I've gotten picky with Halloween costumes. I want them to feel and look good and not be the cheap, thin fabrics you can find most places.
My mom started that. When most other kids were getting costumes like this: plastic costume, I was getting homemade costumes.
There have maybe been a few years I haven't dressed up for Halloween and probably just when I was exhausted with babies. Halloween is just so much fun! But... finding costumes is not easy. It was not easy when I was heavy because of the ones you could buy, I would have to have that cheap, awful fabric that looks 100 times worse on an obese woman. Of things I could find in consignment shops, very little is available for plus size. So, every year I was either a witch or a man to get around the sizing issue. I could find men's clothes that fit.
The year that my husband and I got married, Halloween was just two weeks after we got married. I had my husband dress up as a bride and me as a groom. (I need to scan that photo in!) I found a used wedding gown at Goodwill, but it was too small for me - OK for him. The year my husband went as Gandalf and my young son as Frodo and the baby as a baby hobbit, I went as a peasant woman - who would believe in a fat Arwin or Galadrial or Eowyn?
Last year, being much thinner (not much heavier than now), I went as Jessie from Toy Story. It was the first time in my adult life that I didn't have to go as a man or chubby character. While I wasn't thin, I didn't look ridiculous as an average built character. (Though, Jessie is a string toy and is quite skinny in the movie!) But still - a svelte character - like Jessica Rabbit? Probably not.
So, this year we are thinking of costume ideas. My son is still undecided on what he wants to be, but we like to do family type of dress ups. Right now he is thinking of being Puss N' Boots from Shrek. That would make my husband Shrek and me Fiona. My older son can either be Donkey, if he's willing, but he's really into My Little Pony right now (a Bronie) and I promised him I would make him a cosplay costume for that if he wanted it.
Anyway, Fiona wears dresses like a princess, as she is a princess. She dresses much like Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, etc. In the first movie she is rescued wearing a green dress.
Later, she is getting married to Lord Farquaad when Shrek rescues her, so she also wears a wedding dress in the movie. In the second and third movies she wears other dresses - in blue and lavender. Though, I think most people know the first movie best. Need to refresh your memory on all things Shrek? Check out here: http://shrek.wikia.com/wiki/Princess_Fiona
So, I went looking for dresses. I now wear a size 10 or 12 dress - mostly depending on the cut of the bust. Most 10s are too small in the bust for me as I have a large rib cage and then a large bust on top of that rib cage. 12s are too big in the waist and hips, but fit the bust.
I can get this dress: green dress. I would need a size large. Or, I can go for a wedding dress. Finding a used wedding dress can be cheaper. And, I've never worn a wedding dress - it might be fun! I got married in a short sleeved suit jacket and skirt.
But I forget that in formal attire, I'm not a 10 or a 12. I'm a 16 or 18. I'm plus sized! Again, try to find a plus sized wedding dress? And to make it more complicated, some things say 16 and would fit, and others wouldn't. There is basically no way to order a used one and to know it would fit. And when I look, you can find all sorts of cute things if you are a bridal 10 and smaller, but if you are a bridal 16 or 18? Yikes!
So, even at a much better weight, I still would feel icky in most Halloween costumes. Notice I'm not thinking of being Princess Fiona as a human - but as an ogre - who is plump! And plump equals ugly.
Stats for 9/3/12:
Highest weight: 275 Now: 181.2
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