Wednesday, October 21, 2015

This addiction battle

It's winter(ish) for my brain. I am feeling the sluggishness kick in. I am feeling the difficulty in doing things that two months ago I would have zipped through. Winter blues are here - boo-hiss!!!

But also, I am fighting terribly  the urge to eat carbs. Today was a very difficult emotional day. I had an IEP meeting for my 5th grader, autistic son... Seeing how the school and the teachers are at a complete loss in how to teach my son... Hearing about his anxiety driven behaviors... Realizing that we need to back track and start over with the IEP with all new approaches and new goals and needing many more IEP meetings..., and possibly just skipping all of that and realizing he needs to be homeschooled... All of that put me in a very bad head space. I quite literally left the school, teary-eyed, and wanting to eat. I wanted to eat gobs of stuff - sweet stuff - empty calorie carby stuff. Why??? Because for about 1 hour I will feel a boost to my mood and energy. For that short little window I will feel better.

The hour after? CRASH... and even more fatigue and even more blue - unless I allow myself another quick fix.

I was able to stave it off. I didn't eat (I had already had lunch). I drank a sparkling water instead. This time I was able to talk my brain into sense.

Next time? Will I have a voice of reason tomorrow?

If there were a pill to keep me from being tempted by the carbs for these quick fixes, I would take it.

This is why I was a human yo-yo the last few years. This is why I will be fighting this battle the rest of my life. I've been "good" for 5 months. Seems nearly impossible to imagine being on top of this addiction to sugars for 5 years, yet that is what I'm striving to do... more like 50 years if I'm super lucky.

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