Sugar Addiction

I know. It's been forever and like FOREVER and like forever that I told myself to get back with the program. And I didn't, couldn't. This damned sugar addiction. Truly - the more I try and do, the more I know it's real. No one without some sort of food problem can swing pounds so wildly so quickly.

I'm back to where I started. Actually I'm ABOVE where I started at 40, but not at my all time high by some miracle and really, it was a miracle that I finally STOPPED with the sugar.

I've now had my net carb count down to my acceptable levels for the last 3 days. Day 1: 44, Day 2: 38, Day 3: 30. I "can" have them higher, but I was fine there.

Kicking that need for carbs is hard. It tastes so good and once I start I quite literally cannot stop and I feel sluggish. By day 3, I felt a new energy. My head was in a better place. Now, it could be psychosomatic with my head being in a better place, but the DESIRE to pig out on carbs is already gone. But before 3 days ago? I ate so many carbs and the pounds piled on and I felt horrible, but I couldn't stop.

So, lessons I continue to learn about myself - which I know, but sometimes inconveniently forget. 1. I have seasonal affect disorder - I must get light and I should probably get anti-depressants during winter. I'm finding it mostly manifests itself in neglecting myself more than anything else. The fact that last year at this time (a bit earlier) and this year at this time is when I FINALLY got it enough together in the head to start eating better and moving more. Depression baby!

AND, 2. I absolutely must stay away for sugars. It is way too hard for me to get back with the program if I go off the program. I'm FINE when I'm on it. FINE!!! But, vacations, holidays, etc throw me for a loop and I'm assuming it's like an alcoholic and getting that taste of alcohol again - it's addicting. And carbs temporarily make me feel good - sugar high? But the consequences are long term disastrous.

But I'm on day four and the resolve is strong. I have dusted off my scale and used it. I have dusted off my fitness gizmo and I'm stepping back into it. Hopefully more exercise will come soon as I actually like it, when I'm not hopped up on sugars/carbs.