What better way to come off a "crap, why did I do that?" moment than to having days where you just do things right. Yesterday I ate 1480 calories and took a spinning class. Scale dropped 2.8 pounds of water weight. This morning I did the sep class and eating again is on target. There's ad goodies everywhere in the house, but I'm able to ignore them. I think I'm good now. And I feel motivated.
Part of that is sleeping. The last two nights I got close to 8 hours of sleep. And even better is that I had two workout days in a row. That is such a mood lifter - a huge mood lifter. Not only do I feel stronger, I feel I walk taller and even look slimmer in the mirror. I'm not, but when my head is in a better place, it's easi to see the positives.
So, January 4th and I've got 2 hours of exercise in. Feels like they add up slower with adding one hour at a time versus 3-4 miles at a time, but I'll adjust.
Now off to go volunteer at my son's school and then grocery shopping. We need more veggies!
Stats for 1/4/12:
Highest weight: 275. Now: 183.0
Total hours exercised in 2012: 2/250
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Really scared myself last night
I have had very, very few days or hours of feeling out of control, but I did last night and man, I hate that!
I spent the day yesteday with my mentee, she got here about noon (I thought she might get here sooner). We made a couple Pom-Pom snowmen, we made spritzer cookies and then we made some ribbon candy ornaments out of ribbon. I had one tiny cook to see if they turned out ok and I had my normal lunch of an apple and peanut butter, but then had four pieces of bajadera (a Croatian confection) I then went to take her home. While in Virginia, we went to Chipotle and I made good choices there. I got it in a bowl, no flour tortilla. I got brown rice instead of white, I got black beans, no sour cream and kept it simple - about 640 calories which is pretty good for an out to eat dinner.
But then, after I dropped her off, I just needed something sweet. I went to get some gas for the car and next to the gas station was a McDonald's. I went and ordered a large peppermint mocha coffee and two holiday pies. Why did I do that?? I had just eaten dinner and I wasn't hungry!
Then I went shopping. I so rarely get to Virginia without kids, so I went to Tyson's Galleria which is an upscale mall. First I went to Sur La Table. Then Williams Sonoma and then Anthropologie. I found a couple things at Williams Sonoma I have been wanting on a big sale, nothing in Sur La Table but then I went to drool at Anthropologie. I can't afford that store, but I love it. I looked through their clearance/sale racks and they didn't have much in my size. I grabbed a couple size 8s and I will never fit into that size at tht store unless I didn't have breasts. We're talking 5-6" too tight around the chest. But when I was standing there in the dressing room in my skivvies, I just felt enormous. My gut is truly huge... I must have gained 4" yesterday in my abdomen. And I was so disgusted with myself. I have come so far and I know this is a life long journey, so why???
I ended up not getting any clothes from there, but got this super cute cookie server for $20! (later saw it retailed for $158. It wasn't labeled and I think the sale's associate just saw it was dirty and been on the floor forever, so she just basically gave it away - helps that it was nearly closing time I think.)
So, that is how I ended my day. Not good. But... I didn't feel defeated for long. This is my choice and if I want to do better, I need to do things to make it easier to make it better. Like get better sleep. So, I went to bed and got a full night of sleep. And, this morning I got myself signed up for another fitness class. I have one class tonight and one tomorrow morning. And I made sure to make good breakfast choices this morning. And I feel much better and more in control. I just have to remember my triggers - lack of sleep, lack of exercise, and too much sugar all lead to bad decisions. Fixing those things leads to better decisions.
So... There you are. No more further damage on the scale at least.
Stats for 1/3/12:
Highest weight: 275. Now: 185.6
Total hours exercised in 2012: 0/250
P.S. seems fitting that last year I didn't get to starting excise until the 3rd of January and this year is the same. Looking forward to it tonight though!
I spent the day yesteday with my mentee, she got here about noon (I thought she might get here sooner). We made a couple Pom-Pom snowmen, we made spritzer cookies and then we made some ribbon candy ornaments out of ribbon. I had one tiny cook to see if they turned out ok and I had my normal lunch of an apple and peanut butter, but then had four pieces of bajadera (a Croatian confection) I then went to take her home. While in Virginia, we went to Chipotle and I made good choices there. I got it in a bowl, no flour tortilla. I got brown rice instead of white, I got black beans, no sour cream and kept it simple - about 640 calories which is pretty good for an out to eat dinner.
But then, after I dropped her off, I just needed something sweet. I went to get some gas for the car and next to the gas station was a McDonald's. I went and ordered a large peppermint mocha coffee and two holiday pies. Why did I do that?? I had just eaten dinner and I wasn't hungry!
Then I went shopping. I so rarely get to Virginia without kids, so I went to Tyson's Galleria which is an upscale mall. First I went to Sur La Table. Then Williams Sonoma and then Anthropologie. I found a couple things at Williams Sonoma I have been wanting on a big sale, nothing in Sur La Table but then I went to drool at Anthropologie. I can't afford that store, but I love it. I looked through their clearance/sale racks and they didn't have much in my size. I grabbed a couple size 8s and I will never fit into that size at tht store unless I didn't have breasts. We're talking 5-6" too tight around the chest. But when I was standing there in the dressing room in my skivvies, I just felt enormous. My gut is truly huge... I must have gained 4" yesterday in my abdomen. And I was so disgusted with myself. I have come so far and I know this is a life long journey, so why???
I ended up not getting any clothes from there, but got this super cute cookie server for $20! (later saw it retailed for $158. It wasn't labeled and I think the sale's associate just saw it was dirty and been on the floor forever, so she just basically gave it away - helps that it was nearly closing time I think.)
So, that is how I ended my day. Not good. But... I didn't feel defeated for long. This is my choice and if I want to do better, I need to do things to make it easier to make it better. Like get better sleep. So, I went to bed and got a full night of sleep. And, this morning I got myself signed up for another fitness class. I have one class tonight and one tomorrow morning. And I made sure to make good breakfast choices this morning. And I feel much better and more in control. I just have to remember my triggers - lack of sleep, lack of exercise, and too much sugar all lead to bad decisions. Fixing those things leads to better decisions.
So... There you are. No more further damage on the scale at least.
Stats for 1/3/12:
Highest weight: 275. Now: 185.6
Total hours exercised in 2012: 0/250
P.S. seems fitting that last year I didn't get to starting excise until the 3rd of January and this year is the same. Looking forward to it tonight though!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Day 2 of the new year, scale is sky high
I don't know if I can ever do a "but it's the holidays" mentality break again because coming off it is hard. I now have 14 pounds to get to where I was on December 15th. That 2.5 weeks ago and I've gained all of that weight in the meantime. I don't care if it's 100% water weight. It's hard for the head to wrap around that.
Yesterday we went to a New Year's Day party. And it was full of goodies and I ate some. Not binging, just sampling and oh my goodness. You would think I sat and stuffed my face for hours instead. Up almost 3 pounds on the scale this morning. My gut feels huge. Like HUGE. Unbelievable!
Hope my husband doesn't mind, but I think I'll be skipping his birthday cake. I'll make it but not eat it. Can't do any more of this holiday eating and still keep my head in the right place.
It doesn't help that I went to sign up for a fitness class for tomorrow and the class is already full. 23 hours in advance and it's full because of all the new year resolutions to get fit and lose weight everyone else is making. Ugh!
Today my mentee is coming (should be here any minute) and exercise for today is out except for working out in the basement which I will really try to squeeze in. I need to feel I'm doing something to get back on track!
Stats for 1/2/12:
Highest weight: 275. Now: 185.6
Yesterday we went to a New Year's Day party. And it was full of goodies and I ate some. Not binging, just sampling and oh my goodness. You would think I sat and stuffed my face for hours instead. Up almost 3 pounds on the scale this morning. My gut feels huge. Like HUGE. Unbelievable!
Hope my husband doesn't mind, but I think I'll be skipping his birthday cake. I'll make it but not eat it. Can't do any more of this holiday eating and still keep my head in the right place.
It doesn't help that I went to sign up for a fitness class for tomorrow and the class is already full. 23 hours in advance and it's full because of all the new year resolutions to get fit and lose weight everyone else is making. Ugh!
Today my mentee is coming (should be here any minute) and exercise for today is out except for working out in the basement which I will really try to squeeze in. I need to feel I'm doing something to get back on track!
Stats for 1/2/12:
Highest weight: 275. Now: 185.6
Sunday, January 1, 2012
My goals for the new year
Yep, new year, new goals. I mostly met last years goals and I need to give myself new challenges to keep going. Getting into the mindset of "everything is perfect" can lead to laziness... I know myself. I plan to hit a weight maintenance range this year sometime mid year, but I will be constantly working on improving my fitness.
I'm not going to say I'll run a marathon or anything like that, but I'm setting an ambitious goal of exercising 5 hours a week for 50 weeks of the year. So, 250 hours of exercise. That exercise can be working out at the gym or with tapes/DVDs at home, walking, biking, gardening or major, heavy cleaning at home (not day to day stuff - but like cleaning out the garage or basement or a top to bottom cleaning of the whole house).
I also want to lose more weight. I initially thought of 165, but I went from 180 to 170 so quickly (and then back up from 171 to 183 in a blink!), I could see that 160 was attainable and possible. So, I will shoot for 160 by this summer. That is 23 pounds from now. Totally doable.
We are also probably going to Croatia this summer in August. I need, neeeeeeed to feel good about being in a swimming suit. While in my dreams I would be able to flaunt my body in a 2 piece. I'm being realistic in knowing I'll probably look and feel better in a one piece. I will work really hard on my fitness so that I'll look the best I have looked in a swimsuit since high school with my 42 years of damage, of course.
To keep track of my progress, I will continue to take body measurements once a mont. And for the swim suit challenge, I had my husband take photos of me in my workout bra and a fitness skirt from the front and the side. I will have him take new photos once a month so I can see the progress. Pictures do speak volumes for me. I had half a mind of sharing the January 1st swimsuit challenge photos, but egad. I can't do that to myself. You will just have to take my word for it that I have a January 1st photo and I'll be taking new photos as I go along. Maybe, maybe when I get to August 1st and maybe if I've somehow managed to somehow transform this body into something I'm proud of, maybe then I'll share the photos. Right now, however,I don't have the guts to do it. I should look at my truly before photo of me in a swimsuit too. I know we have a few of me at a sprinkler park when I was close to my highest - 265. (don't think I have anything of me in a swimsuit at 275). Maybe that will help me realize how far I've come as right now, when I saw those photos of me, I felt pretty horrible about how I look currently.
And from now on in my signature line I will put my highest weight ever as my starting weight, not just where I started one year ago. All of those pounds are successes. I wish I could even say that my highest weights were when I was pregnant, but that is not true. I was heaviest when not pregnant. Sad, but true.
Lastly for this new year, I hope to find that all of this is normal. That eating the way I eat is normal eating. That exercise is something I do because I want to instead of I have to. And I hope to find acceptance of my new body instead of finding all its faults and hyper focusing on those faults.
I have high expectations for 2012. 2011 proved that near miracles could be achieved with hard work and persistence. Now I have to prove that I can keep it up and hit maintenance.
Stats for 1/1/12:
Highest weight ever: 275. Now: 183.2
Total hours worked out in 2012: 0/250
Monthly measurements:
Starting chest: 47" Now: 41" (change since last month: down 0" for a total loss of 6")
Starting Waist: 43" Now: 33" (change since last month: up 1" for a total loss of 10")
Starting Hips: 50" Now: 42" (change since last month:duo1" for a total loss of 8")
Starting Arm: 18" Now: 14.5" (change since last month: up .5" for a total loss of 3.5")
Starting Thigh: 30" Now: 23.75"(change since last month: up .5" for a total loss of 6.25")
I'm not going to say I'll run a marathon or anything like that, but I'm setting an ambitious goal of exercising 5 hours a week for 50 weeks of the year. So, 250 hours of exercise. That exercise can be working out at the gym or with tapes/DVDs at home, walking, biking, gardening or major, heavy cleaning at home (not day to day stuff - but like cleaning out the garage or basement or a top to bottom cleaning of the whole house).
I also want to lose more weight. I initially thought of 165, but I went from 180 to 170 so quickly (and then back up from 171 to 183 in a blink!), I could see that 160 was attainable and possible. So, I will shoot for 160 by this summer. That is 23 pounds from now. Totally doable.
We are also probably going to Croatia this summer in August. I need, neeeeeeed to feel good about being in a swimming suit. While in my dreams I would be able to flaunt my body in a 2 piece. I'm being realistic in knowing I'll probably look and feel better in a one piece. I will work really hard on my fitness so that I'll look the best I have looked in a swimsuit since high school with my 42 years of damage, of course.
To keep track of my progress, I will continue to take body measurements once a mont. And for the swim suit challenge, I had my husband take photos of me in my workout bra and a fitness skirt from the front and the side. I will have him take new photos once a month so I can see the progress. Pictures do speak volumes for me. I had half a mind of sharing the January 1st swimsuit challenge photos, but egad. I can't do that to myself. You will just have to take my word for it that I have a January 1st photo and I'll be taking new photos as I go along. Maybe, maybe when I get to August 1st and maybe if I've somehow managed to somehow transform this body into something I'm proud of, maybe then I'll share the photos. Right now, however,I don't have the guts to do it. I should look at my truly before photo of me in a swimsuit too. I know we have a few of me at a sprinkler park when I was close to my highest - 265. (don't think I have anything of me in a swimsuit at 275). Maybe that will help me realize how far I've come as right now, when I saw those photos of me, I felt pretty horrible about how I look currently.
And from now on in my signature line I will put my highest weight ever as my starting weight, not just where I started one year ago. All of those pounds are successes. I wish I could even say that my highest weights were when I was pregnant, but that is not true. I was heaviest when not pregnant. Sad, but true.
Lastly for this new year, I hope to find that all of this is normal. That eating the way I eat is normal eating. That exercise is something I do because I want to instead of I have to. And I hope to find acceptance of my new body instead of finding all its faults and hyper focusing on those faults.
I have high expectations for 2012. 2011 proved that near miracles could be achieved with hard work and persistence. Now I have to prove that I can keep it up and hit maintenance.
Stats for 1/1/12:
Highest weight ever: 275. Now: 183.2
Total hours worked out in 2012: 0/250
Monthly measurements:
Starting chest: 47" Now: 41" (change since last month: down 0" for a total loss of 6")
Starting Waist: 43" Now: 33" (change since last month: up 1" for a total loss of 10")
Starting Hips: 50" Now: 42" (change since last month:duo1" for a total loss of 8")
Starting Arm: 18" Now: 14.5" (change since last month: up .5" for a total loss of 3.5")
Starting Thigh: 30" Now: 23.75"(change since last month: up .5" for a total loss of 6.25")
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Getting ready to ring in the new year
And I have so much to look forward to.
Last year, I was feeling much better by now and I was really ready to get to it, but I worried about it too. I know my husband didn't want to have hope. Well, he hoped, but he didn't want to get disappointed. This year, we are entering the year ever so much more confidently. And I'm even confident that despite feasting during the holidays, I have changed. Really and truly. And it feels good to know that.
I was going to spell out my challenge to myself in detail tonight, but it's getting late and I have family stuff yet to do today. It can wait until tomorrow.
But I do thank you my fellow readers of the blog. While I'm writing mostly for myself, it's been nice knowing others are rooting for me and listening to me.
I'm ending the year with 10,026 page views of my blog. Went over 10,000 last night. And almost every month I have a few more page views than the month before. I write almost every day, so it's not tons of traffic daily, but it's enough for me. Maybe my journey is helping someone else besides me. I would be happy to know and feel that.
Ok... Have a happy new year everyone and see you in 2012!
Stats for 12/31/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 181.0
Last year, I was feeling much better by now and I was really ready to get to it, but I worried about it too. I know my husband didn't want to have hope. Well, he hoped, but he didn't want to get disappointed. This year, we are entering the year ever so much more confidently. And I'm even confident that despite feasting during the holidays, I have changed. Really and truly. And it feels good to know that.
I was going to spell out my challenge to myself in detail tonight, but it's getting late and I have family stuff yet to do today. It can wait until tomorrow.
But I do thank you my fellow readers of the blog. While I'm writing mostly for myself, it's been nice knowing others are rooting for me and listening to me.
I'm ending the year with 10,026 page views of my blog. Went over 10,000 last night. And almost every month I have a few more page views than the month before. I write almost every day, so it's not tons of traffic daily, but it's enough for me. Maybe my journey is helping someone else besides me. I would be happy to know and feel that.
Ok... Have a happy new year everyone and see you in 2012!
Stats for 12/31/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 181.0
Friday, December 30, 2011
A year ago today I started this blog
I am more amazed than anything that I stuck with it. Amazed that I stuck it out with everything - this blog, the weight loss and getting healthier overall.
When I started the blog, initially I had no intention of sharing it and I didn't for the first few days, but then I realized that sharing my thoughts helped me and maybe it would help others too. So... Around January 3rd I shared the link for the first time.
I went back to reread what I wrote last night. Made me evere so glad that I did journal. I can see how far I have come and it helps me realize how big of a journey it has been.
Here is what I wrote (if you want to see it in place, go to the sidebar, click on 2010 and it will pop up):
Why?
Why this blog? Well, I'm doing a lot of soul searching as the end of the year approaches, but let me start with why it is hitting me hard now, more than ever before. I'm 41 years old - just turned. My father died of a heart attack at the age of 42. He was average build and weight, but always had a horrible diet and smoked heavily. Ten years prior to his death he had a horrible accident which I'm sure shortened his life too. Nonetheless, he died at a young age. Just one year older than I am now. While I knew I wasn't living a model life, I ate healthy foods and always felt healthy and strong, until recently.
A few days before my 41st birthday I went to the doctor for chronic headaches. 3 months of every day headaches and before that, months of build-up. I hate doctors. I knew what he was going to say - I need to lose weight, but I didn't expect to hear what I heard (or maybe I did?). Arriving at the doctor's office, my blood pressure was 223/124. Twenty minutes later it was 180/110 and I was allowed to go home, but with a low dose of blood pressure medicine prescription. The next week my prescription quadrupled (and then later increased double again) as my BP readings continually read in the 220's over 120's. Back to the doctor and with blood work results in I knew I had high blood pressure, an under active thyroid and high blood sugars. Thankfully, my kidneys are/were functioning normally.
I was kidding myself with thinking I was mostly healthy. Deep in my heart I knew I was in bad condition, but I was too terrified to know, thus the avoidance of the doctor for years and years. I think I finally caved in when I knew that daily headaches weren't going to go away and I really was becoming depressed. But I didn't know what direction it had taken. Like, I didn't know I had silent killer blood pressure. I could die of a stroke - younger than my father's death, at 40 or 41, not even making it to 42. I had no idea of my thyroid condition (as I wasn't gaining weight and had actually been slowly losing weight), but I did fear diabetes, which I still don't know if I have or not. As it turns out, I had a reason to be afraid, but maybe I am ready to face it?
That doctor's appointment was on December 3rd. I had been feeling lousy for months, years probably. Within two days, even though my blood pressure was still very high, the headaches were gone AND I was sleeping through the night which I hadn't done in over six years (but most of that time was due to a baby/toddler/preschooler who didn't sleep or woke incessantly). Within a week of taking the thyroid medicines, I started to have more energy (though still not 'normal' feeling yet). I started to feel alive again - and I want to stay alive, where a month before, I didn't really care to live a long life - just long enough to raise my kids. Reality check. I wasn't going to live long enough to raise my kids if I didn't get my act together.
It's a vicious cycle. It's hard to take care of yourself when you don't feel well. So, you just start to feel worse, and then worse and so on. I was there. But with a couple little pills, my life has changed so dramatically that it's an upward spiral. My blood pressure is now perfect. I feel better, so I want to do something good for myself and my body. It's started with simply getting enough sleep!!!! No headaches (haven't had a headache in 3 weeks - a record for me - it's probably been 20 years since I've gone that long without a headache). And getting my thyroid back on track. Now... it's time to tackle what is probably the root of all of it - my weight and lack of exercise.
I've gotten fit before, but I never was able to make it a lifestyle change. I just HAVE to now. What are the alternatives? To die at 42 like my dad? With my dad, he had abandoned us kids and we were grown. I'm the mother of two kids, 5 and 14 who still need me.
I have a year to prove to myself that I can turn 42 healthier than ever. I want to enter that year feeling I'm fighting to stay alive and have a chance to live a longer, healthier life instead of entering it wondering "will I meet the same fate as my father?"
So, the answer to my life is 42. I need to do this - NOW.
There it is. One year ago today. And I am glad I read it as now I am looking forward to new challenges and I got a bit discouraged with how far I have yet to go, but then reading this, I realized how far I have already come. I'm meds free. I have controlled my blood sugar and blood pressure by diet and exercise and I have dropped all the weight I had planned to. What I have now are the details. Dropping a bit more weight, getting more fit and going for vanity in trying to look better in a swimsuit. Yes, I still look awful naked or in my gym clothes, but I have my health and fitness. So much more than I had a year ago.
Stats for 12/30/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 181.8
Miles walked in 2011: 1010/1000
When I started the blog, initially I had no intention of sharing it and I didn't for the first few days, but then I realized that sharing my thoughts helped me and maybe it would help others too. So... Around January 3rd I shared the link for the first time.
I went back to reread what I wrote last night. Made me evere so glad that I did journal. I can see how far I have come and it helps me realize how big of a journey it has been.
Here is what I wrote (if you want to see it in place, go to the sidebar, click on 2010 and it will pop up):
Why?
Why this blog? Well, I'm doing a lot of soul searching as the end of the year approaches, but let me start with why it is hitting me hard now, more than ever before. I'm 41 years old - just turned. My father died of a heart attack at the age of 42. He was average build and weight, but always had a horrible diet and smoked heavily. Ten years prior to his death he had a horrible accident which I'm sure shortened his life too. Nonetheless, he died at a young age. Just one year older than I am now. While I knew I wasn't living a model life, I ate healthy foods and always felt healthy and strong, until recently.
A few days before my 41st birthday I went to the doctor for chronic headaches. 3 months of every day headaches and before that, months of build-up. I hate doctors. I knew what he was going to say - I need to lose weight, but I didn't expect to hear what I heard (or maybe I did?). Arriving at the doctor's office, my blood pressure was 223/124. Twenty minutes later it was 180/110 and I was allowed to go home, but with a low dose of blood pressure medicine prescription. The next week my prescription quadrupled (and then later increased double again) as my BP readings continually read in the 220's over 120's. Back to the doctor and with blood work results in I knew I had high blood pressure, an under active thyroid and high blood sugars. Thankfully, my kidneys are/were functioning normally.
I was kidding myself with thinking I was mostly healthy. Deep in my heart I knew I was in bad condition, but I was too terrified to know, thus the avoidance of the doctor for years and years. I think I finally caved in when I knew that daily headaches weren't going to go away and I really was becoming depressed. But I didn't know what direction it had taken. Like, I didn't know I had silent killer blood pressure. I could die of a stroke - younger than my father's death, at 40 or 41, not even making it to 42. I had no idea of my thyroid condition (as I wasn't gaining weight and had actually been slowly losing weight), but I did fear diabetes, which I still don't know if I have or not. As it turns out, I had a reason to be afraid, but maybe I am ready to face it?
That doctor's appointment was on December 3rd. I had been feeling lousy for months, years probably. Within two days, even though my blood pressure was still very high, the headaches were gone AND I was sleeping through the night which I hadn't done in over six years (but most of that time was due to a baby/toddler/preschooler who didn't sleep or woke incessantly). Within a week of taking the thyroid medicines, I started to have more energy (though still not 'normal' feeling yet). I started to feel alive again - and I want to stay alive, where a month before, I didn't really care to live a long life - just long enough to raise my kids. Reality check. I wasn't going to live long enough to raise my kids if I didn't get my act together.
It's a vicious cycle. It's hard to take care of yourself when you don't feel well. So, you just start to feel worse, and then worse and so on. I was there. But with a couple little pills, my life has changed so dramatically that it's an upward spiral. My blood pressure is now perfect. I feel better, so I want to do something good for myself and my body. It's started with simply getting enough sleep!!!! No headaches (haven't had a headache in 3 weeks - a record for me - it's probably been 20 years since I've gone that long without a headache). And getting my thyroid back on track. Now... it's time to tackle what is probably the root of all of it - my weight and lack of exercise.
I've gotten fit before, but I never was able to make it a lifestyle change. I just HAVE to now. What are the alternatives? To die at 42 like my dad? With my dad, he had abandoned us kids and we were grown. I'm the mother of two kids, 5 and 14 who still need me.
I have a year to prove to myself that I can turn 42 healthier than ever. I want to enter that year feeling I'm fighting to stay alive and have a chance to live a longer, healthier life instead of entering it wondering "will I meet the same fate as my father?"
So, the answer to my life is 42. I need to do this - NOW.
There it is. One year ago today. And I am glad I read it as now I am looking forward to new challenges and I got a bit discouraged with how far I have yet to go, but then reading this, I realized how far I have already come. I'm meds free. I have controlled my blood sugar and blood pressure by diet and exercise and I have dropped all the weight I had planned to. What I have now are the details. Dropping a bit more weight, getting more fit and going for vanity in trying to look better in a swimsuit. Yes, I still look awful naked or in my gym clothes, but I have my health and fitness. So much more than I had a year ago.
Stats for 12/30/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 181.8
Miles walked in 2011: 1010/1000
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Spent part of yesterday looking at swimsuits online
Its Christmas break and I needed a break desperately. From everything. From housework, volunteering, cooking, the blog, everything, but... I'm beginning to wind back up after some much needed R&R. And that includes thinking about my new challenge for 2012. I want to look great in a swimsuit. Or as good as I possibly can.
Fist problem with swimsuits are fitting the breasts. Why, why are swimsuits made as if we are all built the same way? Do we all wear one size bra? No. Then why are swimsuits made with one cup size? A few companies make two sizes - regular cup and d-cup, but that is it and even that is not right for me. What happens to women who at more endowed is that they look like this:http://www.venusianglow.com/2010/06/bra-sizing-in-swimsuits.html . This is when your boobs are smashed. You look fat and flat and not womanly at all. Who doesn't feel self conscious then? And while you are all smashed like that you push your breasts to the side or middle and try to make it look as normal as possible which is futile.
Second problem I have and many women have are skin imperfections. I have long ago faded stretch marks on my thighs mostly from growing and also from gaining weight. And also, of course, my stomach from pregnancy. And now loose skin (but that is getting better and better).
I secretly would love to be able to wear a bikini this summer. Just to say I have gotten that far in this journey to be able to show that much skin. However, even with tons of toning and more weight loss, it will be hard to find a suit that might work. I found with help several designers that makes suits for hard to fit bodies and those that make bottoms that are more full coverage. This first one I love her fabrics. But... Are her swimsuits really for the large busted? I guess I'll see. I love the suit on the cover of the 2012 season. Perfect for the white skinned like me. http://store.taragrinna-swimwear.com/
Suits that might be better for me and my body type though are from these few companies. The make their suits with real bras built in. What woman wouldn't feel more confident if the suit actually fit her better? First there'd is Panache. http://www.panache-lingerie.com/swimwear/ . Then there is Freya: http://www.freyalingerie.com/swim.aspx and then Fantasie swimwear: http://www.fantasie.com/swimwear.aspx . And finally Bravissima swimwear: http://www.bravissimo.com/products/swimwear/.
Notice how almost all of them that have bigger cup sizes are made in the UK? What's up with that? Same with the best bras. When I get to my final size I'll also invest in more pretty and sexy bras. I'm tired of grandma looking bras!
So... Looking through all of that is motivating me to get more in shape and to get with the program so that I have a chance to look halfway decent in a swimsuit this summer. Who says 40's can't be sexy?
Stats for 12/29/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 182.2
Fist problem with swimsuits are fitting the breasts. Why, why are swimsuits made as if we are all built the same way? Do we all wear one size bra? No. Then why are swimsuits made with one cup size? A few companies make two sizes - regular cup and d-cup, but that is it and even that is not right for me. What happens to women who at more endowed is that they look like this:http://www.venusianglow.com/2010/06/bra-sizing-in-swimsuits.html . This is when your boobs are smashed. You look fat and flat and not womanly at all. Who doesn't feel self conscious then? And while you are all smashed like that you push your breasts to the side or middle and try to make it look as normal as possible which is futile.
Second problem I have and many women have are skin imperfections. I have long ago faded stretch marks on my thighs mostly from growing and also from gaining weight. And also, of course, my stomach from pregnancy. And now loose skin (but that is getting better and better).
I secretly would love to be able to wear a bikini this summer. Just to say I have gotten that far in this journey to be able to show that much skin. However, even with tons of toning and more weight loss, it will be hard to find a suit that might work. I found with help several designers that makes suits for hard to fit bodies and those that make bottoms that are more full coverage. This first one I love her fabrics. But... Are her swimsuits really for the large busted? I guess I'll see. I love the suit on the cover of the 2012 season. Perfect for the white skinned like me. http://store.taragrinna-swimwear.com/
Suits that might be better for me and my body type though are from these few companies. The make their suits with real bras built in. What woman wouldn't feel more confident if the suit actually fit her better? First there'd is Panache. http://www.panache-lingerie.com/swimwear/ . Then there is Freya: http://www.freyalingerie.com/swim.aspx and then Fantasie swimwear: http://www.fantasie.com/swimwear.aspx . And finally Bravissima swimwear: http://www.bravissimo.com/products/swimwear/.
Notice how almost all of them that have bigger cup sizes are made in the UK? What's up with that? Same with the best bras. When I get to my final size I'll also invest in more pretty and sexy bras. I'm tired of grandma looking bras!
So... Looking through all of that is motivating me to get more in shape and to get with the program so that I have a chance to look halfway decent in a swimsuit this summer. Who says 40's can't be sexy?
Stats for 12/29/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 182.2
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)