Revisiting loose skin and stretch marks (again)

I am a member of a very supportive weight loss board. It's the board I've come back to each time I've been on a weight loss journey since 1999. By now I'm an old pro at this weight loss thing. I've mostly figured myself out (though I do keep learning) but on these forums (and I'm sure others like them) people often come in with questions that repeat over and over again and I too asked those questions. I'm not knocking asking questions. Questioning is good, what I am knocking are the responses. At this point, the responses irk me beyond belief.

OK... what am I talking about here? I'm talking about loose skin. I'm adding the topic of stretch marks as it's a related thing that gets asked all the time on weight loss forums and pregnancy forums too.

So, the questions go like this: How can I prevent lose skin? Or, how long will it take for loose skin to shrink up? And, will I get loose skin with my weight loss? etc.  Stretch mark questions go, "How can I prevent stretch marks? How can I get my stretch marks to disappear? and so on.

Without a doubt creams to prevent stretch marks will be brought up and a SLEW of solutions of loose skin prevention will be brought up. Sure, some people will come on and be real, but usually more than half the responders will truly think you can prevent stretch marks and loose skin.

These things irk me because if you REALLLLLLLY could prevent stretch marks, don't you think we would all know what to do and no one would ever get stretch marks? Do you think there would be a mom anywhere with zebra stripes on her stomach if she could have prevented them? REALLY? If there were a cream that worked, that would be common knowledge, believe me!

Do you really think anyone who has ever lost weight would have to deal with loose skin if there was a secret to preventing it? Oh, I just need to lose slowly to prevent loose skin. OK. I'll do that. Oh, I just need to exercise and drink plenty of water. No sweat I can do that!

Reality is - we can't prevent it most of the time. AND, it's extremely individual because it's mostly genetics!

Sure, there are other things that come into play. Younger skin is more resilient skin, so maybe there would be less stretch marks and less loose skin. Sure, healthier people probably have healthier skin, so again, maybe it would be better in those cases, but even that boils down to genetics.

Maybe we all need to have "hope" that we won't get stretch marks and loose skin so that we don't fear the change as much, but it's also a slap in the face every time someone suggests that I could have prevented my stretch marks and loose skin.

With my first pregnancy, I was a health nut as I was carrying a precious child that I had wanted my whole life. I ate right. I exercised daily. I did everything by the book. Since I started out pregnancy overweight, I was told to not gain during pregnancy, and I didn't until the last week from water weight (both pregnancies actually). YET, I started getting stretch marks at 3.5 months when I was still losing weight!

My sister was pregnant at the same time. She started out her pregnancy at a good weight, but she gained 60 or so pounds with her pregnancy and she got one tiny stretch mark while I had so many stretch marks you couldn't even count them. No weight gain. Huge weight gain... I got the stretch marks!

Now, loose skin. I also have loose skin. I lost the weight properly - healthy diet. Exercise, lots of water... and loose skin. I have bat wings, wiggly inner thighs and a lower stomach flap. It probably won't tighten up because it hadn't started to in the year of "semi" maintenance I had. With this regain, I just filled up the loose skin again and now I'm defatting the skin again. It's my reality.

So please, no one tell me it's because I did it wrong.. because that's essentially what I'm being told when someone says it's a cream or a diet or exercise, etc. No... I didn't do it wrong. I just didn't inherit very elastic skin! PERIOD.

Saying reality isn't 'mean' either because reality of loose skin or stretch marks isn't the end of the world either. As my husband said about the stretch marks, "It's a small price to pay for having a child." And that's the truth and the right attitude. It was a very small price to pay! And, since more than 50% of women get them, I think we should "get over it."

Now, about loose skin. Again, I think our worry is bigger than the reality of what loose skin looks like. I think we get spooked because we've googled images of it or seen extreme examples of it on TV talk shows. We think of this when we think of loose skin:

Yes, it can look like this with a very big weigh loss and very unfortunate genetics. I'm not denying that the loose skin can be a big problem and I do empathize for those who have to deal with it or have to have surgery.

But, for most people, it will look more like this:

And it's not all about looks (I hope) it's about health. it's much better for the body to be dealing with some extra skin than it is to be dealing with extreme weight. AND, I think most people would agree that loose skin looks better than being obese too and of course it's healthier too.

When I was close to my thinnest, I had some loose skin for sure. I never took photos, but it looked a lot like this and that was with being 110 pounds below my top weight:

Sure, my body was imperfect, but it was healthy and definitely looked better than when I was obese. My husband would give a big head shake to that too.

Yes, it's not nice to think that we won't "turn out" looking like this 8 weeks after pregnancy:

Or this after weight loss:

But how many of us ever had bodies like a super model? (and Heidi had a trainer move into her house and put her on a super rigorous exercise and diet regime to get that body.) And I don't even think that model above did have a weight loss or if she did, she had plastic surgery (as I got this image from a plastic surgeons site).

So, stop worrying about stretch marks and loose skin. The worrying should have been BEFORE the weight gain as a preventative measure. Now? You are leaving it up to genetics and luck. Stop worrying and just start getting healthy and learn to love the body you have because it's the only one you'll get!

Who are real women?

Got into an interesting discussion about real women which segued into a discussion on curvy women.

In this whole fat acceptance thing, we've kind of backlashed at women who are thin and fit. The whole point of accepting all body types and sizes and stopping fat discrimination was just that, not to demonize the beautiful and thin people in the world.

Who are real women?

Here are some real women. Recognize the first one? She's 39 years old now. The first photo was her in her early modeling career. Second photo is her in 2013 and last is her out and about with her child about 5 years ago. She is a real woman. She is also a curvy woman. Her measurements are 36(C)-27-37.

Let's go a little bit older. Someone older than me (I'm 43). This model is 48. Recognize this woman/model? She's a real woman too. In her peak modeling career she was Sports Illustrated top bikini model. But in 2012 when she was 47, she still looks great in a swimming suite (last of three photos). She is a real woman. Maybe she doesn't look as curvy (as she's very thin at 6'1" tall), but curvy she is. Her measurements are 36(C)-25-35.

Here are some more real women and curvy women. They are a bipartisan group of US Congresswomen:

All the women I posted about yesterday - thin and fat. Young and old. They are real women and from what I can tell, they are curvy women.

If we have female chromosomes, we are a real woman. If we have had plastic surgery, we are still a real woman. We breathe. We eat. We pee and poop. We die. That makes us real.

This whole real woman thing came about because most of the images we see of women in the media are the Heidi Klums and the Elle Macphersons of the world. We see them because they are seen as beautiful by most people. Yes they are real, but that is not what most of us look like. People started doing ordinary women photo shoots to make us all realize that we don't need to be Heidi Klum to be beautiful.

Now, not only white people are beautiful. Let me be clean about that.

Naomi Campbell (42) is beautiful.

Tyra Banks (39) is beautiful.

Ming Xi (23) is beautiful.

We like to see beautiful people. That's how we are programmed. Beauty means healthy. Healthy means fertile. Fertile means she can reproduce and have lots of babies. That is what beauty is about - babies. Did you know that?

But, these women above (save the Congresswomen) are models for a reason. They hold exceptional beauty. So much so that they get paid lots and lots of money just to show off clothes, shoes, cars, makeup, food, anything and everything.

Sure, the photos get touched up, but anyone who met any of these women on the street could not deny that they are beautiful women. And real women.

Most of us though are not paid to pose in photos. We go about our lives. Yet many women are beautiful. I see beautiful women every day. They just may not be model material. Salma Hayek (46) is gorgeous. No one would dispute that, but at 5'2" tall, she's not runway model material.

But this image of beauty is what our children grow up with seeing (besides their parents' bodies). They see gorgeous bodies. Real, yes. But probably not something we all can have. They rarely see other women's bodies and how most of us look.

That's why I love these "real" photo shoots where they take ordinary women in ordinary settings and take professional photos. Some people diss them saying that they are saying that real means flawed. I don't think they are saying that at all. They are saying, "Hey folks, some of us are gorgeous. Some of us have scars. Some of us have wrinkles. Some of us are old. Some of us have saggy boobs and some of us have no boobs. We are all real." And I think sharing those images and realizing the realness of how we as a people really look is important. No one should have to be running to get plastic surgery to try to have a model perfect body. Having flaws is OK. We all have them.

Other people don't like the nudity - thinking it should be private. Again, I think the nudity is important as otherwise all our young (and older) see are porno photos, centerfold photos and near nakedness in things like the Victoria Secret catalog/fashion shows and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue where they see perfection. Why not let them see how they probably will look when they grow up too?

So, here are some real photos (and I'm sure there are more such photo shoots) of every day women - in the nude. This is your warning. There is nudity. Please click through.

The Nu Project Slideshow

Please select the galleries for the link below - there are 6 galleries:

The Nu Project

I love this following project of breast cancer survivors:

The Scar Project

My post yesterday was about how we scar and damage our bodies with life and with neglect. That is life, however. We still should celebrate who we are and not hate ourselves for those journeys. We are real.