Am I liberated woman or not?

This has nothing to do with weight loss, but this is stolen from a conversation I have going on with a couple of friends.

It all started with us talking about planning a Halloween party. We truly are three women all giddy talking about planning a party. We all love to throw parties, and we get all excited about cooking, planning, etc.  We asked ourselves, "should we make this a party where people bring Halloween type food?" and then had to ask, "or is it that we are just crazy people that like such things and most other families will not like that idea of having to think of "halloween" food?

That then branched off into women's roles... are we liberated women because we like to cook and plan parties and do domestic things? Or are we slaves to societal expectations of women being the nuturers and caregivers?

To me, it's all about this: is it a choice I'm making or is it about an expectation of me? For me it's choice. I choice to cook and do things for my family. My husband doesn't expect it from me (the home cooking and homemade bread, etc). I like to do it because it makes me feel good to do it and to give such things to my family. And I was a stay at home mom for years - I choice that path. No one forced it on me. But does that make me a throw back to another generation? I don't think it does, because it's more complicated than it seems.

So, here's what I was writing to a friend about how I had to make a choice - family versus career:

When my older son was about 2 years old, I was working full time, trying to juggle being the mom I wanted to be, the wife I wanted to be with the employee I wanted to be. Before I had kids, I was a go-getter at work. I worked hard. I pushed myself and I had drive.  But then I became a mom. The first year I stayed home with him (while going to grad school at night and weekends when my husband would watch the baby 3 nights a week while I went to class - bringing him to me in between classes on Wednesday nights so I could nurse him as he refused to take the bottle - ah, fun times).  

Anyway back to when my son was 2... I was killing myself with commuting, working, trying to be a good mom, spouse. I remember one night just bawling and bawling to my husband - who was deep in a very vigorous PhD program at the top business school in the world. It was so vigorous, that anyone who was a significant other were called PhD widows as there simply wasn't time for family/dating/fun in the first two years of that program. People were amazed that his marriage didn't fall apart as all the other relationships of couples in that program did fall apart (and that was the most difficult time in our marriage). He basically wasn't there because he couldn't be there and I understood that - it was an investment in our future, so I sucked it up not that I didn't have times of great self-pity and have periods of feeling resentful. I am no saint.

Now, what if he were a married woman with a child in that program? And I took note that there were no married women with children in the program. A couple years later there was a pregnant woman. She dropped out of the program after her child was born - it was just too much. Men don't have to make those difficult decisions (or as often) and while I could say it's societal, I dont think it is. I think women, as nuturers by nature, struggle harder with the feeling of neglecting their family for other commitments. Men aren't as nuturing, so they don't feel the guilt pangs of leaving their child for 12 hours a day (or more).

So, one night I was bawling and bawling...I looked at the people in university administration that were higher up than me. They were single women - no kids. Or, married men with stay at home wives. Or, in the two cases that there were women; one had a nervous breakdown, was hospitalized for exhaustion, and eventually she resigned her position. The other got married at 40, had a baby at 41 and another at 46. When she had the surprise baby at 46, she volunteered for a demotion so she could have more time with her family. Family and career? Didn't seem possible.

It was then that I realized that every woman had lied to me whenever they told me I could have the career I wanted and have the family life I wanted.THEY LIED TO ME... or they were delusional. 

I realized then and there that I had to make a choice. I could go for the career I wanted or be the parent I wanted, but I couldn't have both. In the end, I chose being the parent I wanted to be because I could always go back to a career and rebuild. I couldn't redo parenting. Plus, in a job, I could and would be replaced - I had experienced that before - no employee is irreplaceable, no matter how good they are. I was not replaceable as a mother. 

From then on, I had somewhat of an inner peace. I worked and still gave a lot, but I didn't kill myself. I didn't put in the tons of extra hours that were required for moving up in the field. I would just stay where I was, holding steady, until my kids got older and I could the think about career again. Then, when we moved and my husband was only staying one year as a visiting professor, I decided to stay home. That year was blissful for all of us. Then, we moved to Virginia and I started looking, but I got pregnant immediately and then, well... looking for a job while pregnant? And then asking to quit? Then we decided I should stay home for awhile and then we kept deciding on delaying my re-entry into the work force. My career opportunities shriveled up, but I would make the same decisions again. And now I'm in the rebuilding my career phase again now that the kids are older.

So, perhaps I'm old school and not liberated, but I chose my path and would choose it again. Am I a perfect mother because of staying at home? Of course not. I am not the mother I want to be, but I'm closer to what I wanted to be than I was as a working more. I did do the working full time and parenting full time for 6 years when my oldest child was little. Those were some very, very tough years. He was so much happier when I stayed at home. I had time for him and his activities and life was just more relaxed.

Now that I am going back to work - easing myself back into it, we are already feeling the shift of priorities. I have less time to make homemade bread. My house is a wreck, I'm behind in taking my car in for a tune up and it's getting more difficult to squeeze in time for fitness. I've pulled leftovers out of the freezer twice this week too.

Working full time and parenting full time is no joke. It really is very, very difficult to balance both and my hats are off to all parents who do it and do it well. For me, I just found it easier to give up the career for awhile, but I have to say, I'm also itching for a career again. I love work, so dipping my feet in with both thee part-time jobs has re-awoken that desire in me to contribute to the world in the work environment too. And with a family that is growing up (kids are 16 and 7), I don't feel as guilty about working. I have given my best to them for a decade.

My appointment with the physical therapist

As you may or may not recall, in April I hurt my shoulder. It wasn't during a class or while doing landscaping. No, it was while I was at the grocery store and pulling a cart. This cart is the one that can pull behind the bicycle. It was filled with food and when I went to pull it, I didn't realize I had it turned around backwards, so I yanked it the wrong way and that wrenched my shoulder back in a wrong way.

It hurt pretty bad that day and led to migraine headaches and muscle strain in my shoulder and neck. That's when I stopped going to body pump for awhile.

The pain got better and it got to the point that it only ached here and there. When I pull on a door sometimes. When I sleep and put my arms over my head, it will wake me up from the discomfort.

I started doing landscaping in the yard and it didn't bug it and this later summer I started back up with body pump and it didn't hurt it. Yet, I would still have this ache in certain movements (none of which I ever do in weights class).

My husband convinced me it was time to call a physical therapist, so I did. That appointment was on Monday. The PT first took the history of what happened, and then he started doing a series of tests. He examined my posture, my flexibility, my range of motion, my balance and my strength. If anything hurt or ached, I was to let him know.

In the end, I was proud to hear that I was strong and he could tell I was active. All in all my range of motion, flexibility, strength, balance are all very good and stable. My posture though needs some tweaking and that was probably what led to the injury.

The shoulders round more forward than they should and the shoulder blade sticks out in the back more than they should (and I know that my posture has gotten better, but 20 months of being active doesn't undo decades of not being active). This, over time, has led to an imbalance in my muscles - I'm too tight in front and not strong enough in back - it is priming my shoulder for an injury as it can't rotate normally. Both shoulders and it's probably causing some impingement issues.

Then, I did have that injury. What I also found is that a lot of the other problems I sometimes get - tingling in the right pinky, carpel tunnel liking pains in the forearm are all caused by the shoulder problem. Basically, my nerve is impinged is part of the problem, but when I wrenched my shoulder I injured one of the heads of the biceps which runs through the same path as the nerve and since that opening is already being squeezed wrongly, that biceps head hasn't had a chance to heal. Lastly, there is a possibility of a tear in my lakrum. That can only be discovered with an MRI. If it's bad, it might need surgery, but it is probably small if it is there at all. We'll see soon enough.

All this time my shoulder had only ached dully. However, after all those simple tests, my shoulder aches a lot. I did body pump tonight and found that it was aching more than usually and my forearm was aching more than usually - all that arm is just 'off', so going to the PT in the short run, stirred things up that were somewhat dormant.

Here's hoping things get better! For now I can keep doing what I'm doing for fitness and I'll be doing PT twice a week. I'm starting with some stretching exercises for the shoulders to correct my posture. And let me tell you, my back muscles are FEELING it!

Just fun, frivolous stuff

I'm glad I have a busy life. I'm a happier person when I have a busy life, but we can slow down a bit, OK? Geez...

Anyway... lots of little stuff - some of it trivial, some of it ponderings, but it's about my day on Sunday and my thoughts.

First,  I didn't post at all yesterday as I was out and about from 9 am until 10:30 pm. Then I was just wiped out.

So my day yesterday... Sundays I always go into Virginia for Sunday School where I teach. That usually means that I leave the house around 9:15-9:30 am and we get back home around 2:30- 3:00 pm or so because we usually stop at Whole Foods on the way home.

This Sunday, there was another meeting at 6 pm that I wanted to go to. It didn't make sense to drive home 45 minutes and then to drive back an hour just so that I could spend 3 hours at home. So, I just stayed in Virginia and hung out for a few hours - alone, no kids, nowhere to rush off to. Ah!!!!

So, after Whole Foods (where I sent my husband and younger son off with the other car), I decided to go to a posh mall nearby. I wanted to go to a particular kitchen store as I hadn't been there for a long time and I really like kitchen shops and another favorite fun store.

I parked the car outside of Neiman Marcus, so that meant I had to walk through the store to get to the rest of the mall. I entered on the second floor from the parking lot. I entered near where they have the handbags. It's beautifully arranged with each handbag in a little spot light. There's a Prada section, a Fendi section, and I walked down the middle near the Jimmy Choo bags. $3000 handbags are commonplace there.

I had to go down the escalator to get to the main level. At the bottom they have their Christmas area set up. Yes, they do. it was September 30th folks - a day before the start of the month of October -  and the Christmas stuff was up. I walked by a pretty wreath - $180.

I then had to walk by the ladies dresses. They were pretty and again, there aren't tons of things, just a few highlighted items. There was a sales rack in the middle. Every day/business dresses were on sale for $400. I saw a really pretty dress in the regular section. Their sizing is European. They had a 44 which is the same as a 8 in US sizes. I had no intention of buying it, but I thought, what the heck. let me try it. I asked a sales lady for help (as changing rooms are individual rooms that are locked). She opened the door to the changing room that had a huge lighted 3 sided mirror, a comfy chair to sit on and tons of space. I was asked if I would like some water while I tried it on... Um, no. Made me glad that I was still all dressed up in my better clothes. If I went in my mommy clothes, maybe they would have just laughed at me and not let me try it on. (Kidding). I just would have felt sillier.

I tried on the dress and it was cute - artsy and fun and it fit (though not with the bra I had on). Tempted to buy it? No. I was not going to spend $895 on a M. Missoni dress. But I saw vanity sizing hasn't skipped the top designers either.

That was enough of that store - onwards! I didn't go into any other major stores, but take a look at the directory. Sure, they have a Macy's. It's not the typical Macy's. This is the posh, super high end stuff you don't see in the typical Macy's. I'm telling you - the only people who can buy in these stores are the "once in a life time I'm going to splurge" kind of people and the super rich. You know, the Ann Romney types. An outfit - shoes, dress, handbag would cost between $2000-$5000.

Yet, there is an entire mall like this. And it's not like this is the only mall like this in the DC area. So, there are other posh places too - for the super rich. Seriously, if you are that rich, why not just have your clothes custom made? Why go to a mall? It was bizzarro!

So, I went to my little kitchen shop (also browsed through Williams Sonoma) and found the stuff I was looking for - gems in the clearance section. I got a Kugelopf pan. Yes, they are different than bundt pans for cheaper than I can get elsewhere, a mixer blade for my mixer (cheaper at SLT and those by KA), and finally, this little jobbie, Kwik de Buyer Piston Funnel. No idea what I'll use it for yet, but it was out of box and way cheap, so I got it. Spent about $60 on fun stuff for me that will last forever and ever, unlike a dress I'll wear once or twice and that's it.

Then, I went up to one of my favorite stores. I love Anthropologie. I never allow myself to look and to be tempted by their regularly priced items. They are simply pricey - too pricey for my blood, but probably one of the cheaper stores in that mall. But I love the vintage, kitchy feel to it. They do, however, have great, great sales. The only things I've ever bought from there though are home items. I have a couple blankets, a few hand towels, that fabulous cake stand I adore, and a book or two. I have never, ever been able to wear anything from there.

Last January, when I gained all that holiday weight, I went to their store and I couldn't fit anything. Not only was I too tubby, but I have boobs. I think that store is for the tall and thin with small frames. I still love it though and hoped one day to have something from that store as I would have never imagined I would ever be able to wear something from that. it's like the "dream" store... which also means I dream of having a different body type than the one I have - grass is always greener?

So, this time, even though I'm not back down to my all time low, I decided to take a peak at their sales rack. I did see a really cute overalls jumpsuit. Not something I'm usually drawn too, but it was cute. They had only two sizes in the store - a size 0 and a 10. Well, my experience with Anthropologie is that their sizes run small, but I thought I would try it - what the heck.

I got into the room and find myself almost able to wear the ten - if I didn't have to breathe and if skin tight was my style. I could see it would be really fun and cute though. But, for $70, it wasn't that cute and it didn't fit.

After that I walked back out of the mall and drove closer to where the meeting was going to be held. I found the Barnes and Noble and hung out there for the last couple hours. I love bookstores. I walked out of there with a couple of Halloween books for my 7 year old. Yep... might have only been away from the kid for a couple hours, but I thought about him. Got the classic Charlie Brown story, and a nice one about the circle of life with the pumpkin (yes, I'm a bit granola-like). Oh, and a Halloween activity book. Man, he LOVES that thing!

So, kitchen stuff for me and books for the little guy. For a day out, spending under $100 bucks (no food or drink) isn't too bad. If my spouse complains, I'll go and buy that $895 dress that I'll be able to wear a few times and that's it.

Then, I went to the meeting, which was great, drove home and on the way home, I got to thinking about that jumper. Dang it... that jumper is denim. That jumper might be the thing I should be trying to fit into by the end of this Rock Your Jeans event. Silly me... I could zip it up. It would be a challenge and I would look so good in that outfit once I was fit and trimmer. Darn it, Melissa! Why didn't I think of that then! I don't live near an Anthropologie store!

Last night I looked it up online and yes, they have it in the online store, but not in a size 10 or 12 or 14. Ugh... Then I got another brilliant idea. I had to take my son to speech therapy today in Baltimore - they have a couple stores around there. Maybe, maybe one would have it there? So, this morning I decided to look up the number to the store. When I went online to find the number, I typed in the number on my phone and then went to the page of the overall/jumper so I could tell her what I was looking for. My heart jumped as I saw that the price was reduced again. It was $39 now. That would be great if I could find it, but now it was also more likely to be gone.

I called the store and asked if they had the overalls in a 10 or 12. She looked and they had them in a 10, not a 12. I asked her to hold them for me. After my son's speech therapy, I drove the 7 miles over there. And here, again, is another HUGE mall and lots of posh stores sprinkled with more normal upper end stores. I had no time to look, but man... good thing I never go mall shopping. I could get in serious trouble - another Sur La Table store, a Williams Sonoma, a Pottery Barn! Eeeek! All dangerous places for me. This "clothing" thing is a new thing for me as shopping for clothes has gotten fun after eons of it being pure hell and demoralizing.

Anyway, I went to the store and went back to the sales rack. They had a bunch of them in the store and they had the 10 and the 12. How did the sales lady not see the 12? Do I go for the ultimate challenge of the 10? TIGHT? Or do I go with the one that is pretty close to fitting perfect now? I wouldn't ever wear it as a overalls without a shirt... which should it be? I chickened out and bought the one that fits me close to perfect now (and it is cute). I figured... I can always take it in if it gets baggy, but I just didn't have the faith, in the end, that I would skinny down enough to be able to wear the 10 at any point and then I would have wasted the $41 after tax. Wanna see it? Here (Don't tell me it won't look cute with a shirt, because too bad - that's how I'll be wearing it!) While I was looking online, I also saw this. Now come on - a $350 Levi's overalls? huh? Even when that goes on major sale it will still be about $100 and still way overpriced.

But back to the size 12 instead of the size 10... did I wimp out on getting the 12 after all? Am I selling myself short on getting that much smaller? It's just hard for me to imagine myself getting much smaller just with more work on strength training with a personal trainer. Can't tell if it's that I have too little faith in myself or that I'm just being realistic.

Phew... I was long-winded today and now you know even better than my spouse does what I bought yesterday and today. Now... no more shopping!

And that darn scale has been creeping up on me - HATE that.. but it's water - hormones are at it again. But I fulfilled a dream today! I bought an outfit from Anthropologie and it wasn't even in their biggest size - even though I did wimp out and got the 12 instead of the 10.

Highest weight: 275  Now: 175

So, my jeans trying day was yesterday!

I didn't spend a whole day jeans shopping. I hit one store, tried on a couple and that was it. That now makes three days I tried on a few jeans and the conclusion each of the times was the same. The 10s are too big. They don't 'feel' that they are too big, but that is because of the lycra. Now that I've tried on others, I realize that they are.

The size 8 is probably the best size for me at this current second. They go on easily, they feel nice. The size 6 is just a tad snug, not unbearably so and not crazy, horrible muffin top snug, but tighter than I would wear my jeans (though jeans are supposed to be snug when you try them on).

For shits and giggles I did grab a size 4 in the design and cut of the same jeans I ultimately bought just to see how they would fit. This Rock Your Jeans thing is supposed to be a challenge to fit into a smaller jeans. Well, I don't see how it will ever be possible to fit into a 4. I couldn't even get them past my knees (so no, there are no photos of that!). Yes, I've tried on a few extremely large 4s in the past, but those are just jeans/skirts that are clearly way out of line with the mainstream.

So, I think this size 6 will be it! The size to try to skinny into for all my pants. I highly doubt I'll ever wear a 6 in a dress as I have a bigger upper body (large rib cage and boobs) and bigger upper arms, but that's OK! I'm completely satisfied in knowing that I'm wearing (or close to wearing) a size 6 on the bottom. That is a 12/14 from my high school days. Don't believe me? I have a size 16 LLBean skirt from 1995 (the oldest piece of clothing I own) that fits perfectly now... LLBean always tended to run smaller than most stores, so their 16 is more like a 14 elsewhere just like their 10s today fit me more like other store's 8s.

As promised photos. These photos aren't the greatest and they don't show all the jeans I tried on as I didn't have a camera the first day I tried on jeans - the day I discovered I could wear 6-8-10.

So... my current jeans - size 10 DKNY:

 Now when I see them, I see they are a bit baggy. Are they wearable? Of course, but they aren't great.

These here are the jeans I tried on at Ann Taylor two days ago. I took the photos to show the fit, but I didn't like the cut of the jeans - the pockets were too low on the butt and overall, they didn't fit great:

Here is the 8:

 And here is the 6:

I didn't have more time that day, so I went home to try again yesterday. Yesterday I went to Nordstroms. They were having a big sale, so I thought, why not. I can try a lot of different brands there. Well, I only tried Lucky Brand. I went in thinking I would try Calvin Klein, but I didn't like the cut. The sales associate said I should try Lucky Brand. And I liked them.

Here is the 8 in a straight leg:

And here is the 6 in the same designer, but in boot cut:

I simply cannot see the difference in fit between the 8s and 6s. Maybe if I super, duper nitpick I can, but there is 1" size difference between the 6 and the 8 in all the brands I tried. That's not a big difference. They 'say' there is also just 1" difference for the brand I'm trying on between the 4 and 6 too. Um, I don't think so!

So, that was my jeans shopping experience. I got these Sofia Boot Lucky Brand jeans. Did I pay $99? for them. Nope. They were 40% off at Nordstroms and then yesterday they were giving away $20 gift cards if you spent over $40. These jeans, with tax cost $41. Not bad at all!

 I tried on a dress later and I need a large. I'm simply not petite and never will be, but I sure hope I'll be Rocking those jeans with a better fit (less snug) in a few weeks!

Trying on all sorts of jeans today!

I tried on some jeans yesterday at Ann Taylor, but didn't have time for more. Today, I'm taking the day to go shopping for jeans. I'm going to try on all sorts of jeans. Ones that I wouldn't normally even look at. I just want to see what is out there and what looks good.

I will take my camera with me and I will show different sizes and styles. I even wore a form fitting T-shirt today so it doesn't cover up the jeans (and muffin top) too much.

When I was at Ann Taylor yesterday, I tried on their Skinny Modern jeans (didn't have time for others). I fit the 8 and the 6, though a bit snug, wasn't too bad either. I just didn't like the cut of the jeans. The pockets were too low and the leg of the pants were too skinny. I prefer more of a straight cut.

The sales associate, when I returned the garments to the rack said that I was trying the wrong sort of jeans for my body. She started pulling all these boot cut and flared cut jeans. Some with slash pockets in the front. They are just so not me. And how can a 50 plus year old women, with a completely different build from mine (she was tiny), and 3 - 4 inches shorter than me know what looks best on me by seing me standing in front of her with a dress on?  (Here's what I was wearing yesterday):

While I agree the jeans I tried weren't great, I am pretty sure they are better than the boot cut. I told the sales associate that and she said, "that's because you wear the wrong shoe with the boot cut. That's why they look bad." So... you're supposed to wear a different kind of shoe just to make a pair of pants look better? How about I wear good comfortable shoes and buy pants that work with the shoes. It's the SHOES that are important (as I only buy shoes that don't hurt/harm my feet.).

With straight leg pants - I can wear flats, sneakers, boots or even a shoe with a bit of a heel. Ugh... Anyway, I left un-impressed. I hate sales associates bugging me. I know it's all about a commission, but for some people, it's best to leave them alone. If they aren't looking around for help or giving signals for help, they probably don't want help.

Anyway... I'm off! Busy day today! I'll post a ton of photos tomorrow - and not just flattering ones - but real and true!

I'm in for it now - working with a personal trainer

I did an interview today with one of the people in charge of the personal trainers with the organization I work for and for where I go to the gyms. I had no idea there was so much you get when you hire a personal trainer.

So, I learned a lot about what I'll be getting very soon with the Rock Your Jeans Challenge. For the Rock Your Jeans challenge, I'll be meeting with a personal trainer once a week for 8 weeks. In the first meeting, they spend an hour doing all sorts of tests - and I mean a lot of tests. Then, in the next week, they go over everything and use that information as a baseline as well as information on things that need work (along with your wishes) to come up with a program.

I just had absolutely no idea that they took measurements, used a fancy scale (no idea how accurate it is), did a stress test, a flexibility test, a physical fitness test (to exhaustion test) as well as a test on body alignment, and more. I'm sure I'm going to find out all sorts of things I had no idea about. I hope some of it is good news and not all bad!

When you are finished, they will retest many things to see your progress. This is, of course, what makes it worth it. Even if you don't see a loss on the scale, you should see gains everywhere else - flexibility, strength, agility, well, ok, losses of inches on the measuring tape!

I'm sure for most everyone this is super embarrassing, but hey... I can't see how I got better if I don't go through it.

And, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to do this until recently, which is a shame really as I think it would have been really useful to have this service - helping me along the way so that I had more support with my weight loss journey and my fitness improvement.

I had a few people tell me it would be useful, but there were several reasons for not doing it. 1. and mostly, was that I was embarrassed with my weight and my lack of fitness. Who did that hurt? No one but me, of course.

2. Money. with me not working, it was too difficult of me to ask my husband if it was OK to spend the money on a personal trainer. Don't get me wrong, he probably would have agreed to it if I felt it would have been useful, but I would have felt guilty about it. I would have wondered, always, if I was wasting money or not during a time we were pinching pennies more than now- like "Maybe I could have done just as well on my own without spending all this money."

And I guess 3. is Fear of disappointing someone else. I didn't know what I was capable of. I was afraid of failure. And, since I am a people pleaser, I was afraid of letting down a trainer. I want to be able to live up to what they expect of me. I didn't want to find it was too hard and that I gave up. Maybe not on all of it, but it would be hard for me to go to a gym later if I felt I didn't give my all to PT sessions. My problem, yes, but that's the way I am.

Now, with some time at this and some more personal growth. (Yes... even at 42 you can still grow! ) I'm ready for it. I'm ready for getting somewhere it would be difficult for me to do on my own and I know now that I'm really only disappointing myself and hurting myself if I give up or don't give my all. Personal trainers will care (if they are good), but they also won't be dissappointed in me either if I can't do one more push-up.

Will I decide I want to do more after these 8 weeks (besides continuing with working on my fitness)? Who knows. The gym will have a Biggest Winner contest in January and then following that The Next Great Eight (for the next 8 weeks following the Biggest Winner event). That would give me 24 weeks of personal training at a discount, working with others with similar goals to my own. Might even help me meet some new people too. (I still have a pathetically horrible social circle!)

All I know is that I'm looking forward to working with a personal training and working hard for this last bit of the year and I'm glad I'm overcoming a lot of my hangups.

Trying to figure out what size jeans to buy - not easy

So, I am joining the Rock Your Jeans event my gyms are hosting. I was going to do it, then my partner backed out, so I thought, "maybe this is a sign and I shouldn't do it" and then someone I work with asked me if I was going to do it and if I wanted to partner up, so I said OK. As an added bonus, since I work for the organization, I get a significant discount (woohoo!) I'm also going to use this opportunity to write for work about various classes - trying out new ones, etc.

Anyway... here's the description of the program: http://www.columbiafitness.org/perso...sInfoSheet.pdf

In this program, you are supposed to buy a pair of jeans 2 sizes smaller than you currently wear and see how you progress in 8 weeks. Or, bring in a pair that are too small now that you wish to fit into soon. I don't have the latter, so I need to buy jeans in a size (or two) smaller.

I currently wear, quite comfortably, a size 10 in several brands - Calvin Klein, DKNY, Eddie Bauer, Anne Tayler, Anne Klein. I have a size 8 in Ralph Lauren that fit fine. When I was getting down to 165 with working out in weights and cardio, I was in between an 8 and a 10, but... what I was finding was that my hip bones were what was keeping me from going from a 10 to an 8 where all along the rest of the journey, it was the waist line.

I know I'll be doing more heavy lifting (reading and gearing up for NRFL program) and I will be building more muscle, so getting smaller, but I'm wondering if two sizes for me is unrealistic?

If I get another pair of pants, it should be of the same brand and style to be like for like. Right now I can wear 8-12 depending on the designer and cut. However, I just cannot see myself wearing a size 6 (or so I thought - more on this in a moment) Yet, I'm probably not that far now from being able to wear 8s.

Deciding what size to buy is difficult. It will be more than 2 months from purchasing said pants, so returning them won't be possible in most stores even with tags still attached. I have to decide if  I should go with a 6? or an 8?

My height 5'6.5", 173 pounds and my current measurements are 40.5-32-41.5. When I was at 165 I was 40-31-41. I would love, love, love, love, love (add a few more loves to that) to get maybe my bust and hopefully my hip measurements out of the 40s. If I can do that, I will not feel like such a freaking tank!

My shape - according to calculators, I'm straight shaped as the different between waist and hip isn't great, but I do not look good in low rise pants. There's nothing to hold them up. I need midrise for the best fit and either straight leg or skinny leg, not boot leg - believe me.

Anyway, I just went to TJMaxx and tried on these jeans. I had forgotten my camera at home. I wish I hadn't as I would have liked to show you all the fit of these jeans! I am in utter SHOCK.

So... I was wearing a pair of DKNY size 10 that were a comfortable fit. I think they fit perfectly. Well... found out something interesting.

 I took back to the dressing room these brands and sizes - why these? because these were the brands and cuts they had in all three sizes.

Size 10: wearing a DKNY midrise straight leg, Not Your Daughter's Jeans (NYDJ) boot leg, Levis Bold Curve Straight Leg

Size 8: DKNY midrise straight leg, NYDJ boot leg, Levis Bold Curve Straight Leg, Ralph Lauren Boot Cut

Size 6: DKNY midrise straight leg, NYDJ boot leg, Levis Bold Curve Straight Leg, Ralph Lauren Boot Cut

Size 4: Michael Kors Boot Cut

Now, as I said, I do not look good in boot cut, but I was wanting to check fit of the pant in the waist and hip. I would worry about finding the right cut of the leg only when I'm ready to buy.

What I found: 

Size 10: wearing a DKNY midrise straight leg - fit fine, NYDJ boot leg - too big in hips, Levis Bold Curve Straight Leg- can't get them over my hips easily

Size 8: DKNY midrise straight leg - fit perfectly, NYDJ boot leg - fit perfect, but I hate the style, Levis Bold Curve Straight Leg- couldn't get it over my hips, Ralph Lauren Boot Cut - fit slightly snug in the thighs

Size 6: DKNY midrise straight leg - fit slightly snug, but not a serious muffin top, NYDJ boot leg - fit slightly snug, again, not a serious muffin top, but I still hate the style, Levis Bold Curve Straight Leg didn't even try it, Ralph Lauren Boot Cut - couldn't get it over my hips easily and too tight in the leg

Size 4: Michael Kors Boot Cut - fit slightly snug.

Why did I even have the size 4? it was the last size 4 in the line next to the 6s and it looked big. I decided to try it, just to see.

Now, what in the heck do I do???? In the brands that fit me now, I can fit (without cutting myself in half) into a size 6. How can the same cut of pant fit me in 10, 8 and 6?

Truly, what is the size difference between a 6-8-10. It must be incredibly little. yet in levis- I couldn't even begin to put those on in a size 10!

Basically, I have no idea what size I wear and what size should be my goal size and forget knowing what size to buy for this getting fit event. Good grief!

When I was a 20, it took 20-25 pounds to drop one size. Same on down to 14. Then from 14 to 12 to 10 it's been about 10 pounds per size, but now??? Is it like 5 pounds? What?