I think I will head back down to the basement

Getting to the gym these days is difficult. I have a commitment at noon at the school for volunteering and so much to do at home, that taking the time to drive to the gym, dress for it, do the class and come back, shower and redress just takes too much of my precious day. But I can commit to myself to work out in the basement. I have some great workout videos and no reason not to do them. So.... I vow that tonight I will do some strength training in the basement!

Today I am wearing a new pair of pants and new sweater. The cords I had were the ones I could pull down without undoing, so I bought some new cords and matching sweater. Well fitted clothes make you look better and slimmer. And damn, I'm beginning to look pretty good! I havent seen so little flab on my body for a very long time. I can wear almost anything I want as long as it covers my stretch mark streaked belly and the loose skin and something that allows a bra so I can support my chest. So, a bikini might not be my outfit of choice!

Lots to do today. Readying for Christmas and for a holiday party. But I love this time of year!

Beginning weight: 255.6. now: 172.6

Realizing how long it has been

Since I have stepped into the gym.... That wasn't a habit hard to quit! I was doing some hard labor around the yard and house, but not the last few days. I need to get my butt back in gear! There is just so much other stuff going on right now that it's really easy to get sidetracked. There really are only so many hours in the day and giving up a few for getting to the gym is really making it hard to be motivated to get there! But I must! But when? Hmmmm...

On a side night, I think ovulation has passed and therefore the weight is leaving me starting today. Not sure I'll get out of the 170s this cycle or not, but fingers crossed that it might happen.

Stats for 12/14/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 173.4

A fairly significant conversation could be TMI for some

My husband is having to figure out our medical expenses for next year to decide what dental, eye and primary care plans we should go with. He also needs to decide how much to have withheld pretaxes for medical expenses too. So, he is figuring out things like, will we need new glasses? Do we anticipate any major dental, etcetera. He started talking about major medical too, like our youngest son needs hernia surgery, but then he surprised me. He said, "And well, I should probably think about finally getting that vasectomy."

I laughed at him. Our youngest son is 6.5 years old. I am 42 years old. He had allllllll this time to get it done. And, it took us 2.5 years to conceive that child when we were trying to get pregnant. And since then we are always, always, always careful. He said, "Well, I know it seems sort of odd to think about it now when I've waited all this time, but since our sex life has picked up quite a bit, the risks have too." Though he admits the risks a very small considering we arer careful.

But, things have changed for us romantically. While my husband never, ever said anything negative about how I looked or anything about my weight, I knew how he felt about it and I knew it affected his attraction to me. I just underestimated how much it bothered him.

Not only has our sex lives improved, he has said "I love you" three times in the last couple months when I hadn't heard it for years and years before that. And, he is less stressed and just more pleasant to be around.

Now, he has always been good to me, but my weight bothered him on so many levels. It affected his attraction for me, but more, it worried him about our future. Recently we were talking and I said that having a 5 year old and a teenager was a big motivator for me to get my health in order. He replied, "well, and you had a young husband too." he worried about losing me.

He had to just stand by and watch me destroy my health all these years - making bad food choices, being inactive. He knew I would snap at him if he said anything and so what could he do? I feel really bad about that.... But I felt helpless about it too.

And I am so thankful that I have a supportive husband who is making it easy for me to make the right decisions. He never asks for junk food. He loves healthy foods. He never chows down on crap. He will grab a piece of fruit. And he likes to be active and loves that we can be active together now. I am very lucky in that way.

It is true some people will say, "but he should love you no matter what size or shape." and he did love me. But what has changed is that now he feels more loved. By me taking care of myself, I am showing my partner that I care about him and our future. I get that and from now I will always keep that in mind. We have something pretty special and I want to keep that something for a long time.

Stats for 12/12/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 173.8

Well, good thing today happened today and not yesterday

What do I mean? Well, I woke up this morning barely needing to pee despite drinking a lot before going to bed. I knew that would mean a big gain on the scale and yep, sure enough, up 1.8 pounds from yesterday. My ovulation gain, right on time. And, because of it, I again weigh more than my husband. I just had to laugh about it.

I did eat a bit more yesterday, but only by a wee bit. About 1850 calories and that included a piece of cake. Nothing to worry about and it was a very good, yummy food day. However, I can't mess with mother nature and that internal clock. My body is gearing up to ovulate. So this morning, there it begins. I was so happy that waited until the day after my birthday. How very kind of my body.

Today was a good day. I wore a new dress (can say that a lot these days as I had to build a whole new wardrobe), but 4 dresses is hardly a lot and all of them I got on huge sales. Every time I get a bit dressed up I think about how I need to take a new photo for the 80 pounds lost, but I always forget or it's a bad time. But very, very soon. I can't decide of its better for me to be wearing a dress or pants to show my progress better. But dressed, yes!

And now to finish out is year. Back to the gym this week as my mad cleaning around the house is all over. I actually miss the gym!

Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 172.8

The answer is 42, but what is the question?

Well, today is it. My 42nd birthday. This is the year of why could be if.... My father died when he was 42 years old. He was 42 and and half. I don't know much about his life or health as he left us kids and didn't have contact with us, but I know he never had a weight problem. He was a fairly heavy smoker and had been smoking since his mid teen years. He had a horrible diet of fried foods and 10 years before his death, he had a very serious accident that was miraculous that he survived (and I'm sure that contributed to his short life). He died of a heart attack. 42 years old and a heart attack. He had one, was in the hospital and then had another that killed him while at the hospital recovering from the first very serious attack. Knowing this as his child is a bit scary.

My mom went through menopause when she was 42. Completely done. That too is early and a bit scary for me. Not that I plan to have any more kids, but going through menopause early means that my bones are more at risk for osteoporosis. And since I didn't drink milk as a baby or young child, I think I'm at a greater risk. My maternal grandmotheer suffered from osteoporosis too, so there is hereditary risk too.

So what was I doing with my life, knowing all this? I was fat and unfit and eating a semi unhealthy diet. I was avoiding everything even though I had warning signs of problems. I was just afraid and didn't want to face anything hard.

Well, you all know I had a health wake up call. I got really scared. My husband was scared too. I was still 40 years old when I got word that my health was in a really bad place and I had a 14 year old and a 5 year old child. Hello?? I owed it to all of them to be healthy.

So, it started. A year ago today I weighed 260 pounds. I remember as I had gained a few since Thanksgiving. I lost those 4 pounds by New Year's when I started the exercising. I started by just watching my sugar intake, but I needed to feel a bit better before I started the exercise. That came a bit later.

I weigh, as of this morning, 171.0 pounds. 89 pounds less than I did last year! Nearly ninety pounds!!! If you would have told me last year that this was even possible, I would have said you were lying! No way could it happen! But here I am.

And as the ultimate gift, for the first time ever in my just shy of 19 year relationship with my husband, I weigh less than he does. This is no easy feat as he is thin and the most he's ever gained is 25 pounds which still had him within a normal BMI for his height. And he has lost 20 pounds this year. Yesterday it was close. He weighed 170.8 and I weighed 171.4. That was the lowest he had been in a month and it was my all time low. Today he was back up to 172.4 (where he has been recently) and I was down to 171.0 on the nose. You cannot imagine how huge that feels. He has a smaller build and I have a larger build, so there should never be a huge diffence in our weights, but I "should" weigh less than him and I never have! Until today, on this very significant birthday.

I am now doing all I can to make my life healthier. I eat better. I have dropped the weight and continue to try to do better and I have increased my fitness level. I can't know what my future will bring. I could go through menopause early too. I could die of a heart attack at a young age too, but at least I can know and my family can know that I tried to do things to make the risks lower.

So 42... Here I am.... I may not know the question, but I'm ready with my healthier answer to this year. This year will be the year of maintenance and fine tuning my health and weight. The big job is done. The harder part (maintenance) still needs to be tested.

Stats for 12/10/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 171.0

One day before the big birthday

Well, here I am one day before my 42nd birthday and I feel really good. I have spent the last two weeks or so tearing my house apart and decluttering as I go. Every drawer, every cupboard, every closet. Completely torn apart (except for my husband's study and that won't escape my touch either. I just need his help and ok to help organize). So, that makes 3 bedrooms, a craft room, a family room, a dining room, and kitchen and a mud room. Today I hit the garage which I did this summer, so that will be a minor tidying of stuff we got out for fall cleanup and last will be the storage room in the basement. And I saved that for last as I knew things from others rooms would land down there. Not sure when I will get to the basement. I might wait until the holiday stuff comes down and gets put away. Anyway, I am ending this year with a clean and tidy home. Feels so great.

With that all done, I hope to finally hang pictures on the wall and hanging curtains in the rooms. We have lived here for two years and we haven't done that yet! 6 months was remodeling, but then my health fell apart and I felt horrible. I started to feel better, but my priorities shifted to me and not to the house. Throw in the two months of people having pneumonia and we got behind on everything. We are finally catching up and even getting to deep cleaning.

That is the good news. The not very good news is that my blood pressure has gotten high again. I don't know why. It could be my thyroid acting up or it could be that I couldn't completely control my blood pressure by diet and exercise any more. Readings have been between 150/90 to 160/95. Not scary high like it was last year, but high enough that I need to take medications for it.

I have to admit, this really bummed me out. I have been doing so much good for my body and health, but I couldn't make it perfect. It got perfect, but something changed. Dropping nearly 85 pounds in 12 months hasn't done it. Exercising regularly hasn't done it. But I have to look at it positively. It could be much higher and I could need a higher dose and maybe, just maybe it can get better if it's still my thyroid acting up. We will see as I have my doctor appointment next week.

Stats for 12/9/11:

Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 171.4

Figuring out this food balancing act

You would think at being almost 42 years old and really understanding the whole what goes in should go out principle that it wouldn't take me so long to get it, but I finally get it. Or, I should be honest, I finally care enough to do something about it. What am I talking about? Well, yesterday I was hungry in the early afternoon. I grabbed a quarter cup of trail mix (half nuts, half dried fruits). Well, I wanted more. So, I had to make a choice. I could have more of those, but that meant giving something else in the day. In the end I ate 3/4s of a cup of that plus a nutrition bar and called that my early dinner. It wasn't a terrible choice nutritionally and I didn't go over my calories for the day this way. For dinner I just ate a garden salad. Today I was craving potato chips. I haven't had potato chips in a year. But I really wanted them, so instead of breakfast of apple with peanut butter, I had some potato chips. An odd breakfast, but now I have satisfied that salt craving and I can move on and not think about it. In the past, I would have eaten the apple with peanut butter and the chips. But I need to make a choice and hopefully most of the time, I will make the better nutritional choice. It's what I've been doing with special occasions too. I enjoy the special meals, I just cut back the rest of the day. So far that has worked as I get really full and don't even want to eat more later and sometimes I'm not even that hungry the next day. That is something that has changed for sure. I used to be just as ravenous later or the next day. Stats for 12/8/11: Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 173.0