Last night when I went to the bathroom, I undid my belt and thought I undid my pants, but when I got up and started to do up my pants, I realized I had slipped them down over my hips without undoing the button and the zipper. These a a 12. About 1/3 of my pants are 10s but those are brands that tend to run generous, but today sealed it. I went to TJmaxx to find a little something for my older son for under the Christmas tree as he's getting a computer for Christmas, but he will start using it before Christmas as his old computer isn't usable. Anyway, while I was there, I decided to look at pants for me as my selection is getting limited at home. I grabbed three 10s and one 8. One ten was a bit baggy! Two tens fit perfectly and the size 8 fit perfect (I could tell it was a generous cut.) all different brands and not even a muffin top on the waist, so they are not too tight. Wow! From a tight 20 to a 10 and some 8s.
I remember a bit over a year ago how thrilled I was that I got to an 18 in some brands (remember I had lost 10 pounds the year before). It felt so good to be able to get out of the 20s and now there is a good possibility I'll get down to single digits? Me? With vanity sizing that would be what used to a 12 if I can fit into 8s when I get to goal. Currently at a 10 which is a former size 14. That is the smallest size I could imagine getting into ever again.
Last night I tried to recall when I weighed 165. I have no idea. I think between 16 and 17. The only weights I recall are 145 at just turning 15 (and still growing and filling out, but I was thin) and 18.5 and graduating from high school and weighing 179 full dressed, so about 175. And I was a bit chubby.
It's really hard to fathom getting to the size I was at 16 and 17, but here I am.... Inching closer and closer!
Stats for 12/7/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 173.2
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
My deep thought about perfection
I was reading on a forum yesterday and I ran across a posting where someone said that one of the problems with many people's thinking is this all or nothing mentality. And tht got me to thinking as it is so true. And it goes around about so much of our thinking. I know I tend to be that way. Like, I can't just clean a little. I have to do the whole thing. I can't just plant 10 bulbs for spring planting a day Instead of over a course of several days. No, I plant 180 in one day. Weight loss is a lot the same way, but, it can be tempered and that is what I am at least trying to do.
I don't understand it as I am usually a very shades of gray person in my thinking. But I either didn't care or I cared completely. And I'm trying to temper that by being ok with date nights and special occasions, but it's difficult to fight the all or nothing demons.
I see it on weight loss forums all the time too and I wonder if that is why there is such high failure rates with weight loss. First, people go from eating whatever to being too restrictive. They can't seem to find that middle ground. And then if they can lose enough to get close to goal, they feel like a failure if they can't get or don't get to the perefect, ideal weight. And is that healthy thinking? Especially for someone who was morbidly obese? Isn't it far better to weigh 250 than 300? Isn't that in itself a smaller burden on the heart and joints? Is it perfect? No, but it's in the right direction! And why do we seem to feel it has to be done all once? Why do we feel this nneed to take it all ofF in a year or in one stretch when it took us years to gain all that weight in the first place?
And it is ok to lose slowly. And more and more research suggests that this slower pace might make it easier to keep it off. I know for myself that I only did what I felt was maintainable. And it will probably take me a year or so to drop the last little bit and get to where I will stabilize and I'm ok with that. I will not starve myself down to my end weight. Which is why I am also not going to sweat maintaining or even a slight gain during the holidays. Life is joined with food - worldwide it's a part of our culture and a big part of special occasions. So what if I don't eat perfectly every day? I just need to have it balance itself out so that in the end, I eat a bit less than I burn and eventually to find that equilibrium.
This all or nothing mentality gets a little weird to me when people select their goal weights. Especially for those morbidly obese. It is extremely daunting to be that heavy and to look at such a huge number to lose. It can be so daunting it can keep people from losing even 20 pounds and even that is an improvement! It all counts!
So that is part of the reason I chose a higher end weight. I knew that at 175 I could probably get there and maintain that. Once I got there, I realized the weight was still coming off easily so why not see where it goes from there. Now I would like to get it to 165 and beyond that is a big what if. If I do, I do. If I don't, don't. I'm going to take away from this that I did a huge thing for my health by getting fit and losing weight and if I'm still 10-15 pounds overweight? So be it. I could be 120 pounds overweight. I don't need to be at an ideal weight to feel proud of how far I've come. Being active and fit is the most important to me.
Stats for 12/6/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 174
I don't understand it as I am usually a very shades of gray person in my thinking. But I either didn't care or I cared completely. And I'm trying to temper that by being ok with date nights and special occasions, but it's difficult to fight the all or nothing demons.
I see it on weight loss forums all the time too and I wonder if that is why there is such high failure rates with weight loss. First, people go from eating whatever to being too restrictive. They can't seem to find that middle ground. And then if they can lose enough to get close to goal, they feel like a failure if they can't get or don't get to the perefect, ideal weight. And is that healthy thinking? Especially for someone who was morbidly obese? Isn't it far better to weigh 250 than 300? Isn't that in itself a smaller burden on the heart and joints? Is it perfect? No, but it's in the right direction! And why do we seem to feel it has to be done all once? Why do we feel this nneed to take it all ofF in a year or in one stretch when it took us years to gain all that weight in the first place?
And it is ok to lose slowly. And more and more research suggests that this slower pace might make it easier to keep it off. I know for myself that I only did what I felt was maintainable. And it will probably take me a year or so to drop the last little bit and get to where I will stabilize and I'm ok with that. I will not starve myself down to my end weight. Which is why I am also not going to sweat maintaining or even a slight gain during the holidays. Life is joined with food - worldwide it's a part of our culture and a big part of special occasions. So what if I don't eat perfectly every day? I just need to have it balance itself out so that in the end, I eat a bit less than I burn and eventually to find that equilibrium.
This all or nothing mentality gets a little weird to me when people select their goal weights. Especially for those morbidly obese. It is extremely daunting to be that heavy and to look at such a huge number to lose. It can be so daunting it can keep people from losing even 20 pounds and even that is an improvement! It all counts!
So that is part of the reason I chose a higher end weight. I knew that at 175 I could probably get there and maintain that. Once I got there, I realized the weight was still coming off easily so why not see where it goes from there. Now I would like to get it to 165 and beyond that is a big what if. If I do, I do. If I don't, don't. I'm going to take away from this that I did a huge thing for my health by getting fit and losing weight and if I'm still 10-15 pounds overweight? So be it. I could be 120 pounds overweight. I don't need to be at an ideal weight to feel proud of how far I've come. Being active and fit is the most important to me.
Stats for 12/6/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 174
Monday, December 5, 2011
Have some deep thoughts but they'll have to wait
Its late so I won't type them up tonight, but I got to thinking a bit today about weight loss and the pursuit of perfection. But, I'm tired. My iPad was acting up today so I'll leave it short tonight.
Today I planted bulbs. I planted 90 tulips, 90 crocuses and 30 anemones. I am already feelings but of soreness in my neck near where I had that neck strain. Sure hope it's nothing. I still need to plant 60 anemones and 20 alliums. Not sure when I'll get to those as its supposed to rain, but at least I got done what I did! I've wanted to plant bulbs for probably 10 years and this is the first time I actually did it! I've probably tossed out 100 or so bulbs in the pt as I always had the best intentions, but never got it done. Being healthier and fitter makes a big difference.
Stats for 12/5/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6 Now: 175.4
Total miles walked in 2011: 967/1000
Today I planted bulbs. I planted 90 tulips, 90 crocuses and 30 anemones. I am already feelings but of soreness in my neck near where I had that neck strain. Sure hope it's nothing. I still need to plant 60 anemones and 20 alliums. Not sure when I'll get to those as its supposed to rain, but at least I got done what I did! I've wanted to plant bulbs for probably 10 years and this is the first time I actually did it! I've probably tossed out 100 or so bulbs in the pt as I always had the best intentions, but never got it done. Being healthier and fitter makes a big difference.
Stats for 12/5/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6 Now: 175.4
Total miles walked in 2011: 967/1000
Sunday, December 4, 2011
So busy yesterday that I missed an important date!
Yesterday, one year prior was when I had a doctor‘s appointment. It was the first appointment that I had made 6 weeks prior because of daily, nonstop headaches. I was afraid to go to the doctor because I was afraid of what he would say. I knew I had a weight issue and I was pretty sure I was having sugar issues, but I didn't want to know. It was only daily, all day pain that got me to finally do the smart thing. And now I'm so thankful for those terrible headaches. Without that, where would I be today?
So, it was a year ago yesterday that I discovered my blood pressure was sky high. Readings were around 230/120. When I left the office it was 190/100 something. I started taking blood pressure meds and within three days the headaches were gone. And besides twice having random headaches and that neck strain for a month, I have been headache free for the first time in decades. It was a week or so later around December 11th that I discovered that my thyroid and cholesterol and blood sugars were out of whack. And then it was when I finally started to feel better with normal blood pressure that I realized I was ready to change things around which just happened to coincide with the New Year.
And here I was a year later at my lowest adult weight ever, getting fairly fit, with normal blood sugars, good cholesterol levels, good blood pressure, and all drug free. The reality I feared was not as scary. I had dreamed it would be. I was my own worst enemy.
With all that said, the scale was up a random 2 pounds this morning and I think it will go even higher tomorrow. Go figure, but I know it's all a fluke and will come back down again as everything is under control.
Stats for 12/4/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 175.0
So, it was a year ago yesterday that I discovered my blood pressure was sky high. Readings were around 230/120. When I left the office it was 190/100 something. I started taking blood pressure meds and within three days the headaches were gone. And besides twice having random headaches and that neck strain for a month, I have been headache free for the first time in decades. It was a week or so later around December 11th that I discovered that my thyroid and cholesterol and blood sugars were out of whack. And then it was when I finally started to feel better with normal blood pressure that I realized I was ready to change things around which just happened to coincide with the New Year.
And here I was a year later at my lowest adult weight ever, getting fairly fit, with normal blood sugars, good cholesterol levels, good blood pressure, and all drug free. The reality I feared was not as scary. I had dreamed it would be. I was my own worst enemy.
With all that said, the scale was up a random 2 pounds this morning and I think it will go even higher tomorrow. Go figure, but I know it's all a fluke and will come back down again as everything is under control.
Stats for 12/4/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 175.0
Saturday, December 3, 2011
3 events done 8 to go!
Yep, that is what I said. Three done and 8 to go until our holiday season is over. And it will be a tough go to stay on track for each and everyone of those days and events. Today I hosted an old fashioned holiday event. We had lunch, chatted, listened to Christmas carols and then made crafts. It was relaxed and fun. I ate so much at that during lunch, that I wasn't hungry the rest of the day, but just that meal was 1300 calories. I ended the day around 1800 calories, so not bad at all for a special event day
I love the holidays so much. I love the decorations. I love the music. I love making crafts and all that stuff. So, getting ready for this party was fun. I first worked on all the "need to do things". And started a big project that had the timing all off. So, with the big project done, I started decorating for the party Friday after the kids got home from school. Plenty of time, right?
Well, first, I wanted to put up the holiday lights. The outlet outdoors doesn't work... No juice? Then, when I went to put up the real Christmas tree, I discovered the stand was broken! What?. And then this morning while putting up the artificial tree I discovered part of the lights were out on the artificial tree. I was about ready to lose it, but fortunately had spare lights I could put on the tree for now until I can get a better look at the problem.
The party itself was fun. But now I'm exhausted. Typing in bed beforee hitting the sack. I have another big day tomorrow.
Stats for 12/3/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6. now: 173.0
I love the holidays so much. I love the decorations. I love the music. I love making crafts and all that stuff. So, getting ready for this party was fun. I first worked on all the "need to do things". And started a big project that had the timing all off. So, with the big project done, I started decorating for the party Friday after the kids got home from school. Plenty of time, right?
Well, first, I wanted to put up the holiday lights. The outlet outdoors doesn't work... No juice? Then, when I went to put up the real Christmas tree, I discovered the stand was broken! What?. And then this morning while putting up the artificial tree I discovered part of the lights were out on the artificial tree. I was about ready to lose it, but fortunately had spare lights I could put on the tree for now until I can get a better look at the problem.
The party itself was fun. But now I'm exhausted. Typing in bed beforee hitting the sack. I have another big day tomorrow.
Stats for 12/3/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6. now: 173.0
Friday, December 2, 2011
The extra little motivation to help me through the holidays
I realized last night while getting ready for bed that I weigh very closely to what my husband weighs. Is morning when we weighed in, it was confirmed, my husband gained a wee bit over thanksgiving and he weighs 172.8. My weigh in this morning was 174.2. That is just one and a half pounds different! I can so do that.
Of course my husband said, "Well, I'm not going to stand by and just watch you catch up. You'll have to try to catch me!". His goal is to get to 165. My new goal too. I bet I'll get there fastere than he will because I'm more disciplined. He'll grab snacks and goodies and grab a glass of wine with dinner, but how long will it take me to get to 170? I'm. Not really in a race and I'll just keep doing what I've been doing with exercise and diet... Slowly but steadily getting there with eating right, but I've got momentum on my side.
Speaking of motivation, I think my mother in law is freaked out about me getting closer to her weight. If she hadn't have been sick, I would be under what she weighed, but she went on her usual weigh loss plan- get sick so she can't eat plan. She now weighs about 163. And I'm noticing her picking at dinner these days. She doesn't want me to get smaller than her! Yesterday we went to get my birthday present (a new robe) and after trying it on, she asked "what size is that?" and I said a size medium. Why would she ask as she won't buy anything for me without me picking it out and trying it on? She is motivated to get smaller! I would like to say it's just like my husband's motivation to get fitter and lose weight which is that good habits rub off on others, but in her case, it was only when I was wearing the same size pants that she wears that she took any interest in my size and when she started eating less. But hey, if it gets her to move more and eat better too, that is fine. I don't really care if she's small than me. She has a tiny build, so she would be smaller than me. But it is kind of funny.
Okay... Lots to do today!
But I did remember to take measurements this morning! I forgot yesterday!
Stats for 12/2/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6 Now 174.2
Total miles walked in 2011: 952/1000
Monthly Measurements:
Starting chest: 47" Now: 41" (change since last month: down 0" for a total loss of 6")
Starting Waist: 43" Now: 32" (change since last month: down 1" for a total loss of 11")
Starting Hips: 50" Now: 41" (change since last month: down 1" for a total loss of 9")
Starting Arm: 18" Now: 14" (change since last month: down 0" for a total loss of 4")
Starting Thigh: 30" Now: 23.25"(change since last month: down .75" for a total loss of 6.75")
Of course my husband said, "Well, I'm not going to stand by and just watch you catch up. You'll have to try to catch me!". His goal is to get to 165. My new goal too. I bet I'll get there fastere than he will because I'm more disciplined. He'll grab snacks and goodies and grab a glass of wine with dinner, but how long will it take me to get to 170? I'm. Not really in a race and I'll just keep doing what I've been doing with exercise and diet... Slowly but steadily getting there with eating right, but I've got momentum on my side.
Speaking of motivation, I think my mother in law is freaked out about me getting closer to her weight. If she hadn't have been sick, I would be under what she weighed, but she went on her usual weigh loss plan- get sick so she can't eat plan. She now weighs about 163. And I'm noticing her picking at dinner these days. She doesn't want me to get smaller than her! Yesterday we went to get my birthday present (a new robe) and after trying it on, she asked "what size is that?" and I said a size medium. Why would she ask as she won't buy anything for me without me picking it out and trying it on? She is motivated to get smaller! I would like to say it's just like my husband's motivation to get fitter and lose weight which is that good habits rub off on others, but in her case, it was only when I was wearing the same size pants that she wears that she took any interest in my size and when she started eating less. But hey, if it gets her to move more and eat better too, that is fine. I don't really care if she's small than me. She has a tiny build, so she would be smaller than me. But it is kind of funny.
Okay... Lots to do today!
But I did remember to take measurements this morning! I forgot yesterday!
Stats for 12/2/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6 Now 174.2
Total miles walked in 2011: 952/1000
Monthly Measurements:
Starting chest: 47" Now: 41" (change since last month: down 0" for a total loss of 6")
Starting Waist: 43" Now: 32" (change since last month: down 1" for a total loss of 11")
Starting Hips: 50" Now: 41" (change since last month: down 1" for a total loss of 9")
Starting Arm: 18" Now: 14" (change since last month: down 0" for a total loss of 4")
Starting Thigh: 30" Now: 23.25"(change since last month: down .75" for a total loss of 6.75")
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Got back down to my all time low!
And just in time to say I lost 10 lbs in the month of November. Not bad considering the month before I lost nothing! Of course, water weight gains had a lot to do with that, but that's the way it goes.
I am feeling really good now. Maybe too good because I decided to empty the craft room completely- like nothing in it - bare to the bones save the furniture and well, it's a mess upstairs. My younger son this morning said, "Mom! Why is there an obstacle course up here?". Yes, why indeed? Especially when we have a party in the house in two days!
I do have ulterior motives. Don't we always when we decide to do a major cleaning? There is a cabinet downstairs that I want brought upstairs. It's no longer needed and it's in the way of where the Christmas tree will go! And to move that cabinet upstairs, I needed to make room for it in the craft room. So there we are... My ulterior motive. Can't put up the Christmas tree until that cabinet is moved!
So, I will be reorganizing like mad today. Fun times!
Stats for 12/1/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 174.0
I am feeling really good now. Maybe too good because I decided to empty the craft room completely- like nothing in it - bare to the bones save the furniture and well, it's a mess upstairs. My younger son this morning said, "Mom! Why is there an obstacle course up here?". Yes, why indeed? Especially when we have a party in the house in two days!
I do have ulterior motives. Don't we always when we decide to do a major cleaning? There is a cabinet downstairs that I want brought upstairs. It's no longer needed and it's in the way of where the Christmas tree will go! And to move that cabinet upstairs, I needed to make room for it in the craft room. So there we are... My ulterior motive. Can't put up the Christmas tree until that cabinet is moved!
So, I will be reorganizing like mad today. Fun times!
Stats for 12/1/11:
Beginning weight: 255.6. Now: 174.0
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